Is This Hell?

It’s too hot for this. I’m lying in bed attempting to write while my son bangs his little, big head on my lower back and hip. As he’s ramming into me like a wild bull all I can do is sit with the flames and prevent myself from erupting. I’ve been a volcano lately. It’s been too hot for this. My stepdaughter has been bullying me, saying my breath stinks, when she has 12 cavities and four of them silver plates in her teeth. It’s too dang hot for this. My three-year old, Aje, keeps eating out the trash and it’s driving me freaking insane. My man is so perfect that I expect him to be perfect all of the time. When he doesn’t meet or exceed my expectations, I’m extremely hard on him. And this is driving both of us crazy. When you finally realize you’re a little toxic too. Is it getting hot in here?! When your one-year-old continues to eat off of the floor and it gives you mini heart aches. I think I’m going to pass out. When your three-year-old won’t stop writing on the darn WALLS! When your seven-year-old, stepdaughter, is trying to teach you how to raise YOUR kids that YOU pushed out for HOURS! OH, MY LORD IS THE WALLS CAVING IN?! When your man has such a soft spot for his daughter that he doesn’t realize she’s manipulating him most of the time to get her way. Yeah, I said it… When you don’t express everything, you feel inside your home because you don’t want to hurt someone's feelings, you let it build up inside until it explodes and then you end up hurting someone anyway. Yeah, I can’t breathe. When your son is still learning how to pee in the toilet, you have to clean and blow dry a mattress every day. When your son KEEPS eating out the trash after you’ve consistently punished him for it. When your one-year-old son types on the keyboard with you and he says, “I’m going to be JUUUST like you when I grow up, mommy.” (Okay that was kind of cute) 

I’m not going to lie, it's too dang hot for my son to hold in his poop UNTIL I put a NEW diaper on him. Like come on man... Money is tight around here. (Which leads me to say, don’t forget to leave a tip) 

Another thing that has been leaving me hot, is when my little ones force themselves to stay up just because they see me and their father up… These times are for him and I… Not for y’all to be interrupting. UGHHH, I’M SO HOT.  There’s no such thing as alone time for me anymore. That has gone by instinct. I thought God loved all his children. LOL

Why do I feel like I’m suffering a crime I didn’t commit? I don’t want to ask, but I’m going to anyway. Is this hell? When you’re so focused on something that it’s easy for a three-year-old to sneak food from the kitchen. UGHH, my heart is sinking into my chest. When all you want to do is write all day, but you always have something else that comes up. When your son draws on the tv and you just recognize it. I CAN’T BREATHE.  Even though there’s so much more that I’m getting overwhelmed about in this heat. Like my man believing his daughter when she lies, or when he doesn’t stick for me in certain situations. I still love my family whole heartedly. I wouldn’t trade them for the world. It's just too damn hot for this...