Is there Normalcy after Losing a Best Friend?

You see all the necklaces and bracelets that coin the term “best friends forever”. But is that really true? I used to think that it was. I had a best friend for over 20 years and now the only time we speak is when she sends me the occasional text message asking for money. You might think it is easy just to text back, no. However, it is literally the hardest thing for me to do. I loved my best friend like the sister I never had. That was until she opened the door to addiction. She quickly became addicted to many different illegal substances. Knowing that is not my life, I Just as quickly distanced myself from her.

It has now been well over a year since we have truly entertained even a friendship, let alone best friends. I have taught myself to come to terms with my feelings and really dive into the different levels of grief that are associated with losing a best friend. It seems a bit ironic that the sense of denial is actually the first stage of coming to terms with grief. I think I and denial sat around and rocking chairs side-by-side for quite a while. Before it hit me that she was not going to change until she wanted to.

I have always been an avid writer and blogger. This pastime was definitely put to use when I was beginning to examine my own feelings and emotions. I started journaling and blogging on my own webpage. Basically, I was dumping out my feelings onto the World Wide Web. But it felt so much better than keeping them bottled up inside of me. When I would get done with the blog entry; sometimes I would post it and sometimes I would delete it. Either way, it was out of me.

There is no idea who the famous author was who said: “time will heal all wounds”. But they were pretty knowledgeable. Just allowing time has been significant. I tend to fill my time quite eagerly with activities. This has not changed at all. I usually keep myself extremely busy from one project to another. By the time evening rolls around there is no more time left to think about the relationship that could have been.

Self-care has been of the utmost importance. There were days that the confusion at the loss of our friendship left me numb. This became so apparent, to the point where sleeping, eating, or even just allowing myself time to meditate throughout the day became impossible. I guess I never imagined that I would need to force myself into self-care. The basic necessities of self-care are the easiest to sweep under the rug and ignore. However, you can only do that for so long.

I am lucky enough to have a very supportive husband by my side. He has seen the good, the bad, and the ugly that has been involved in this friendship. There have been times when I have had to turn to him for support and encouragement. He has talked me through many downfalls with her. Best friendships can be tricky, especially when you try to undertake them on your own. He has basically perfected the art of teaching me to tell her no. Her text messages to me asking for money were so sincere and so adamant I wanted nothing more than to help her, at all cost. He would always have me sit back for a moment and really evaluate the true versus the false.

It took quite a while to realize that the best friend I once had, will never be again. An acquaintance maybe. A friend maybe. However, the title of best friend is definitely gone. Will I ever acquire another best friend? At this point, I really don’t have my hopes set too high. I am in my 40s so the friends I have at this point are all considered very close. I have a very close relationship within my church family and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt they would all be there for me if I ever needed them.

Just a little something for all of us to think about where relationships are concerned. Always concern yourself with yourself; first and foremost. Your own health and well-being are more important than anyone else’s.