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INVISIBLE SON PT.1

A Cliifton's Furnace Poem

By Jammar PhilpotPublished 3 years ago 6 min read
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Dear Dad, you were the one who fathered me, yet where were when my mom, Latoya, and grandmother were raising me?

You lived around the corner from me, but I wasn’t part of your concerns, was it because you already had a family and a wife of your own?

There were days when I will play on your street, I would watch you stand in your front yard yet you acted like you didn’t notice me.

You refused to speak to me when I said hi to you, I was only 6yrs old and curious of who my dad was, you been knew who I was you just held a grudge.

It wasn’t my fault you should have honored your marriage, you knew you had a wife but you wanted my mother to feel cherished.

Now you’re dead and gone my sister is acknowledging me. “You know you’re my brother?” Is what she said to me. I’ve been knew that but Dad isolated me, he didn’t want you to meet me so had to forsaken me.

1/27/14

“ Invisible Son: A Father’s Intuition”

I was born January 23,1988 by the parents of Latanya R. Philpot and Melvin Lemon. My parents may have conceived me, but they did not have guardianship of me due to personal problems they had(to deal with) in their lives. My mother was struggling with her drug addiction and my father was a married man who was battling to keep his secret away from his wife and children. Their negligence allowed my grandmother to step into my mother’s absence to become my legal guardian. My mother was always apart of my life even when she was going through her trials and tribulations of getting herself clean and completely off drugs. My Father on the other side of the token was living a private life(around the corner from my grandmother’s house where I was raised) with his married-family, ditching me and my mother to protect and save his marriage.

Growing up without my father has developed me into a strong, respectful, caring, and confident human being. I lived my life around my father (who stayed right around the corner from me) but I never had a father and son relationship with him a day in my life. Not having him or any other direct father figure in my life growing up has matured me into a man who will never abandon his children nor mistreat them whatsoever. I am not a father as of now, but I have instilled within myself the traits of how a father is suppose to be there for his children as a father based on my own father not being part of my life when he was in my life.

I may have made mistakes in my life and did things I knew I had no business in doing, but still chosen to do them to make up for the absence of not having my father in my life (he could of replaced the negative in my life by being in my life). I believe every child on this earth should have his or hers father in his/hers life. From my experience of not having my father in my life has inclined me into doing the things I saw growing up in my neighborhood, schools, and household as well. only close- to- a father figure I had was my uncle Raymond Hawthorne Sr.my male cousins who I lived with at my grandmother’s residence, along with my two older brothers; I learned from each one of them the things I saw them doing or saying(I give thanks and appreciation to all my cousins, my brothers, and uncle Buck for being father figures to me).I may have not learned all positive attributes from each of them, but they showed me a lot of positive things in my life what my father had chosen not to show me. I am not using his absence as an excuse to justify the negativity I have indulged in or the criminal acts I’ve performed, but I was a child who grew up with my community as my father figure instead of actually having my father as mine.

I believe children who grew up in life without their fathers or a father figure to show him or her guidance tends to branch off from their families and live life curiously by going through life experimenting different situations from the lack of knowledge that child is receiving from his or hers mother of a father’s perspective. A mother cannot show her son father lessons or give him manly attributes he inherits from his father in a father and son relationship. I used my father’s negligence as an example of how I went about life getting involved in negative activities because of his absence in my life. If a father takes responsibility into taking care of his children, that child would not have to go out into the world searching for a father figure or get involved with friends in negativity to fulfill his/hers mother of a father’s perspective. A mother cannot show her son father lessons or give him manly attributes he inherits from his father in a father and son relationship. I used my father’s negligence as an example of how I went about life getting involved in negative activities because of his absence in my life. If a father takes responsibility into taking care of his children, that child would not have to go out into the world searching for a father figure or get involved with friends in negativity to fulfill his/hers father’s absence. I learned how to become a man through the California Institutional systems and not because of my father. I was convicted of involuntary manslaughter in 2005 and began developing myself into a man in the California Youth Authority where I had to think and defend myself all on my own like an adult. I read books in which I learned habits of how to be a man from the experiences I read, I gained characteristics of a man from fictitious well-put-together books. I am not a shame to admit I used books and televised situations to learn manly things while developing a father’s intuition on the father I wanted to be to my own children. I was not fortunate enough to have my father in my life, so I had to learn on my own how a man is suppose to carry himself as a mature human being.

If you are a father who isn’t part of your own children’s lives I think you should make that deadbeat change to devote your life to your kids. are the molder of your child’s development and if you’re not there for your child he/she will get influence by his or hers environment or the man who is willing to fulfill your shoes and to take on a task of being a father to your child. No man should want another man raising his child, but you have to respect that man's decision of picking up your responsibility. Put your best foot forward and do what’s right in life, and being a father to your child/children who really needs you is the first step you should take to improve your life and your child’s life.

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About the Creator

Jammar Philpot

Greetings Vocal Community!

I am Jammar Philpot, a content creator at Cliffton's Furnace LLC.I was born January 23, 1988 in Watts, Ca. My Skills are Marketing, Content Creating, Photoshop, Graphic Design, & Animations, Poetry, Terminology ..

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