Intergenerational parenting hurts more than just children

Intergenerational childcare is a problem that most families cannot avoid nowadays, because of busy work and stressful life, letting parents help with their children is a relatively economical option for many young families.

Everything "has its advantages and disadvantages", the generation gap between young people and the elderly in the concept of childcare will inevitably produce more or fewer contradictions.

Many people feel that the main problem of "intergenerational parenting" is in the children, but in fact, it is not necessarily in the subtle changes in the relationship between family members, in my opinion.

In some ways, intergenerational parenting can cause more conflict in the family than it does in the children.

The otherwise wonderful mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships during this period can easily deteriorate as a result.

I have been around mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law who fought over whether to use diapers or diapers, sons-in-law who had a gap over sending their children to kindergarten, and in-laws who were sarcastic and sarcastic while bullying their children so that they could stay in their own home for a few more days.

So, what are the relationship problems that intergenerational parenting needs to face? And how to solve them?

1, the contradiction of parenting concepts and practices

Different parenting concepts are the most common trigger for deteriorating relationships. If your parents help you bring up your children, this conflict is relatively well-adjusted, after all, no one will turn against their biological parents.

If it's your mother-in-law, it may not be the same, especially if your mother-in-law is strong, for example, if you insist on putting diapers on your child, but your mother-in-law thinks the child should be in diapers.

Analysis: First of all, we need to be clear that the elderly are not intentionally "against" us, we always underestimate the love that parents have for their grandchildren and think that some of their practices are hurting the baby.

An old professor once wrote about how he felt when he first became a grandmother, "When I began to shoulder the burden of bringing up my grandson, I was completely taken aback by my own emotions. The harshness and harshness of my son's childhood disappeared completely in my grandson, leaving only doting love because I couldn't control my love for him at all and wouldn't think about taking any responsibility for him."

Yes, grandparental love can easily become borderless because of the lack of responsibility for the child's future, which is also a human instinct written in the genes.

In the face of this situation, learn to use humor to remind the elderly, for example, when my son was young mother-in-law often bought candy and drinks for children, and I found it will be in the child's savings jar of 100 yuan, said to the child that this is the future dental repair pre-saved, the mother-in-law listened to tears and laughter, realize that their behavior may affect the child's health, from then on to reduce the number of times to buy snacks.

2, New Year's Eve back to whose home

Since having a baby, many young families' biggest headache is who to go back to for the New Year holidays.

Whenever the holiday comes before, will be in a tug-of-war, is to take the child back to his mother's house, or the grandparents' house.

If the two parents get together, different habits may also cause discomfort to one or both parties.

Analysis: 80, 90 after the two generations of young parents, most of them are only children, married out of the girl spilled water concept, is the ancient dregs, no longer applicable to modern society.

If the in-laws have a serious "married in is our family, of course, the New Year together", but also to understand that generation of people's thinking, we are more open-minded and life than they are, if they can not do with the times, try to find their own space based on respect for them.

The best solution is still through communication, let your husband communicate with your in-laws, yourself, and your parents on this side of communication, and jointly negotiate a plan that is acceptable to all.

For example, take turns to go back to the two families to spend New Year's Eve, or if both sides agree to spend New Year's Eve together with their children's families, or 7 days off for New Year's Eve, the first few days in one family, the next few days to another family, the order changes every year, I believe we can always find a solution.

3. Maintain the dominant position in childcare

There are many conflicts, because young parents completely entrust their children to the elderly, their own "hands off", every day after work to go out and party with friends, and watch movies, the elderly gave up their beloved square dance, think about it, who would be psychologically unbalanced.

Analysis: Since there are children, no matter how debauchery and freedom of life before, should be restrained, leaving some time for children.

The elderly should have their own private time, we go to work during the day to help bring up children at home, and we can take over the children after work, so that the elderly walk downstairs, chatting with neighbors, and dancing their favorite square dance, psychological pressure released, the family relationship is naturally more wonderful.

The old revolutionaries once said, "We come from all over the world, for a common revolutionary goal, and came together", this statement also applies to the two families that came together for the sake of their children.

The old man chose to help us bring up our children because of his love for them, which is not their obligation, we should also use love to understand and tolerate the elderly so that a home is always a place full of love.