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Interacting with the Opposite Sex when Married.

by Patrick Finney 8 months ago in married
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A Brain Dump of my poorly articulated thoughts.

How does one usually start these things? Well, I am a 27 year old man that has been with the same woman for 9 years--yes I was that young. I was 17 and she 19 when we first met. We got engaged after 7 years (how many of you ladies would have waited for that?), married on the 8th (#bettereightthannever) and we just had our 9th earlier this September marking our 1 year wedding anniversary. I've been told by the older crowd that I'm young and to "just wait and see". Well, here I am almost a decade later and I'm still waiting to see. Until then, our love continues to grow and I've never been so captivated by another.

Once you finish with your, "Aweeee," please first understand that I tried being the man-whore type because I always thought that's the way to go--you have your fun before you settle down. God knows my family history should have taught me a lesson about that. So my man-whore days lasted the equivalent of 5 minutes having only one legitimate ex-girlfriend before committing to my now wife. That's right. She was only number two before I got wrangled (not counting casual encounters with women I can scarcely remember nowadays).

I don't know. My only answer is that I'm not built like that. I try to come off as having a hard exterior, but as it turns out I am rather soft and squishy on the inside like a lobster or a...another soft and squishy thing.

Is that enough context? I wanted to have this brain dump as random ass thoughts tend to flit around my head and the only ones to listen during the day are my two stupid dogs while the wife is at work (I work from home).

I started dating my wife on September 1st, 2012.

Tinder launched on September 12, 2012.

I have never used Tinder nor any "fuck me" app so I cannot even imagine trying to date today (more context?).

Being a happily married monogamous man and, for reasons I cannot remember, I started thinking about my interactions with women; how our conversations go, how I perceive them, how I think they may perceive them, etc. you get the gist. The more I mulled it over in my brain, the more I realized that in my interactions with women, they no longer hold any power over me, and boy was that such a freeing realization.

Now you may be wondering, what power does a woman hold over a man?

Well, the only power they have and the only card they can play...sex.

I am going to take an educated guess and say that most men are programmed to fuck 80% of the women in the world, and contemporary Machiavellian intentions aside, we're programmed to for procreation. Ya know? Propagating the species?

I wouldn't say I've ever really had an issue talking with women, but nevertheless when talking to a woman while possessing sexual or otherwise intimate intent, it changes things. Don't fuck up! Don't say anything stupid. Is she into me? Does she think I'm funny? Does she think I'm cute? Stop slouching! Straighten out your back! Does my hair look stupid? Among the million other things going on in your head.

Being a happily married man and being that I genuinely love my wife and want no other, all of the aforementioned goes out the window. To be free from sexual desire towards the rest of women is so liberating. I can have a conversation with a woman and have it just be that--a conversation. No second guessing, flurried thoughts, or having to worry about if I am saying the correct things because there is only one woman in my life where saying the correct things matters--and it's not with this person in front of me. I might as well be talking to a desk lamp. Now, I know that may sound harsh but it is true and if you want to call that literal objectification of a woman, well then that is the least amount of objectifying objectification. And in case anyone is calling bullshit, I'm not blind. I can still tell if a woman is attractive or not, but that is all it is; a mere observation. She's attractive? Cool, put an EKG up to my dick and you won't find a pulse.

Now the woman I'm talking to may or may not be doing these same mental gymnastics herself, wondering how the interaction is going. She could be into me and she could not--but therein lies my point--it's immaterial. I could care less if she is into me or not. Being who I am and where I am at in life, there's no chance of losing because I don't have to nor do I want to play the game. Sadistically I find fun in that. There's some women that feel entitled to attention because they spruced up and gave you some goo goo eyes and then I just hit'em with the old "desk lamp" stare and to watch the deflation is entertaining. I understand I'm coming off as a bit of an arrogant asshole here, but I'm just saying. I'm not ugly, but I'm certainly no insert your celebrity crush here. I'm just saying that I'm paying attention. And you can see a lot more from the outside looking in than when you're on the field playing the game.

Being freed from the cat and mouse game of todays dating world has allowed me to focus all of that intimacy and sexual desire where it is needed and where it should go--my gorgeous wife. In doing so, our love and marriage has been strengthened and, as a result, has cemented our already well-established foundation of trust.

How does one end a brain dump? I feel like I may have pissed some people off if they even made it this far. Again this is just me vomiting my thoughts and recent realization on a page (so to speak). Maybe I helped some people think new thoughts they haven't thought of before. Maybe I'll get reported. These are just my opinions from my experiences...I probably should have put that first...


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Patrick Finney

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