In THAT ROOM, behind THAT window.

The outside world was unknown to her, but she could see a glimpse of it through the window in his room. Trapped, a prisoner in his cage, silenced and suffocated with no room nor air to bloom.

This anguish was not intended for her but for her mother. Suffering in silence, impoverished and beaten physically, emotionally, and spirituality! Spending years calming the water (s), keeping the peace to avoid a stir.

Day-to-day uncertainty, crippling anxiety, and severe mental unrest. A sickness that bubbled and spread internally, invisible but purely toxic. A damned life for an exquisite brunette child viewing the outside world with such wonder but trapped inside a tomb destined to struggle and stress.

Sitting at her window, she yearns to be free from a delusional narcissist's grip. A grip that should not be hers. Backed against a wall, she knew she would eventually be out of options and time. 

For her happiness and healing, transparent communication needs to be unlocked. She teeter-tottered riddles in her mind, winding and then unwinding the mystery of who is holding the key. Her walls were closing in, the innocence in her dimming.

As she grew older she developed her growl, nails grew long and sharp. Her walls were covered in scratches and her pillows were shredded. For years she begged, I can't stay. PLEASE anyone out there, on the other side of this window HELP, I can no longer live this way!

She was now a teenager and always stuck in her room. Her feet were bloodied and thickened with scars from the eggshells she walked on daily. She grew tired of avoiding them as the pain reminded her she was still living. Solace and peace began to be found in her 4-walled tomb. Rather than view her misery as a prison, she found safety protected inside her walls, behind her only window. This is when she knew she needed to escape.

Alter egos within her mind, bickering back and forth to understand why:

"I comply, I'm quiet and do what's asked of me, I hold it all in, but my friends, my cousins, I still cannot see." 

She screamed: "This is not normal, I am so depressed, I don't want to leave my family, but I need to be here less!".

"Oh, sweet girl, you don't understand what you ask, speak your feelings out loud, and stop wearing the mask." 

"I do - I try, is it me, am I crazy? Over sensitive, spoiled, sassy, and lazy?"

"No honey, everyone's feelings matter, if you leave your world, your heart will shatter!"

Two families will forever be lost and divided, but being held captive she could no longer bear. Living in a limbo where the elephant runs loose, the anger and resentment it will be her inescapable noose.

"Strong girl, time heals all wounds, you are almost eighteen!"

"Mental health is not tangible, the reasonings reside in-between!"

Standing in front of her window she stood against her captor, her father. Fighting in therapy and standing against anyone strict! Learning from each mistake but then choosing to suppress her anguish turning inward to self-inflict. Holding her breath, screaming: " I can't breathe!" She opened her window, jumped out, and decided to leave.

Landing on two feet, uninjured from her fall. She was ready and knew if she didn't take that leap she was destined to live with regret. Her internal battles raged, as she walked a path unknown to her. She knew the real fight was just beginning! A contentious tsunami wrath was sure to come. 

Speaking her truth, it's her mother they blame. Swaying her loyalties, poisoning her with shame. Her own family has blocked her, only a few stood in front to protect her. The rest shun her existence, casting her aside, and overlooking the rest. Inevitably questioning her decision to break free, should she have remained a prisoner, or did she make the right choice by deciding to flee?

She knew she could never return, but she left feeling cursed, her veins filled with poison weakening her heart. 

Now, she passes that window a few times a month. At moments, she catches a shadow of a little girl, trapped inside - captive - screaming help me, I can't stay! At second glance, she realizes that shadow is the little girl she left behind in that room, behind that window!