In a nutshell.

When we had that argument a while ago, I had been frantically studying whenever I could for two weeks. I was not watching tv for 12 hours. I missed my weekly clean TWICE. So for two weeks the house got messy. So what did you do? You say we’re a team - you don’t think you might have asked what was up? Or done a bit of cleaning to help me out? Instead you save up all your anger to have a go at me. And not cleaning for a couple of weeks made me a bad wife? Are you for real? Did you hit your head and wake up in the 1950s? I’m home to look after our baby. I looked after him all day, on little sleep, ferried him around and fed him and did his bedtime and bath time routine. So it’s not like I wasn’t doing anything. When I clean it’s because I want to, not because I have to. And you think that’s a good excuse for what you said around the campfire? Telling your country friends that on my occasional overnight city trip you make a point of doing as much as you can so you can show me how it's done.

And then you cracked it at me because you were doing all the shopping. Jesus, you never once asked if I could stop at the shops. Not once. You’d always say, ‘do you need anything? I’ll get some xyz on my way home from work.’  How does that make sense that the first I hear of it is when you lose your shit at me? And  seeing as you brought it up, that’s the time you told me you’d fallen out of love with me. Seemed like an extreme comment considering everything but to be honest I believed you then and I believe it to be true now. So hard done by - wife not cleaning, not shopping, poor you. You barely helped me look after our child at that stage, the odd nappy here or there, it was about 7 months before you did bath time - you said you were tired from work, which I accept, but even though you had a job outside the house, that didn't mean you couldn't parent once you got home. When I think of the times I begged you to help me on the weekend with his night feeds so I could get some sleep. I didn't get more than two hours sleep for over 9 months. How long did it take you to step up? When I think of sitting opposite you crying that I was slipping into depression - so you finished your dinner and went fishing for the night. When I think of asking you to come home from hunting early so I could study and you came home at 9pm? What about when you came back drunk from Denver's and picked a massive fight with me over nothing? When you grumped at me like I was some major asshole because I didn’t tell you your phone had rung when I DIDN'T EVEN HEAR IT. I could go on. The times I’ve sobbed into my pillow at night. What’s on your list? Maybe we need to put it all on the table and hash it out. By no means do I think I’m perfect, but I can admit when I’m wrong, and I’ll apologise and I’ll try harder next time. Do you?

And now you say you’ve changed, you don’t want to go out, you’re not into partying anymore blah blah. Ha. The times you have gone out drinking you’ve ended up drinking too much and staying away overnight. You were literally 15 minutes away. I don’t care how much a taxi costs, this is what it costs to get home when you live in the country. That’s what it cost when we lived in regional WA, the times I went out should I have stayed in a hotel overnight? And you actually DON’T want to stay home and hang out all the time, that’s simply not true, you were out hunting overnight every second weekend, do I need to remind you of the multiple weekends you were away from home? It’s laughable that you’d look at my once in every three or four weeks night out FOUR hours away and get on your high horse. And that time your mate had to ring me on your behalf because you were too drunk to do it yourself and needed me to come pick you up?! Haha you’re having a laugh.

I’ve left jobs and moved around how many times, I was always happy to because I wanted to be with you and I thought we had a solid future. And now, we moved here, and you know I had my reservations but I thought I was doing the right thing for our family. I was putting OUR needs in front of my own so you could be home every night to see your daughter whilst he was so young. Yet we got here and you weren’t putting my needs first at all. Yeah you shopped and cooked dinner - which as it turns out you had a problem with doing that anyway. I thought we were moving here to spend more time together as a family but I spent not only my week days but also so many weekends on my own. Great team. And you throw the weekends I took, visiting friends, in my face. I gave up my independence to have a baby and we decided together I was going to be a stay at home mum. I put my trust in you that you would love me and look after me so I could look after our child. I put my faith in our relationship. Now I’m left high and dry after everything I’ve done for us.

I’ve changed my mind. If you want some space go ahead and leave. I broke down at the dining room table due to the sheer injustice of it all, the irony of me being stuck in country Victoria with nowhere to go. I moved here for us, but I can’t just pack up and leave. It’s not exactly fair. To be honest though you’ve spent enough time away from home i know that my son and I will manage just fine without you. I’ll tell you this, it’s a bold step going to stay with your parents or a friend, that’s really airing our dirty laundry and it’s passing the point of no return. You got shitty with me because I’ve mentioned getting advice from my closest friend. I never tell her the worst of our issues. But even if I did, tell me this, who else can I talk to? Not my parents or my siblings, because what they think of you still matters to me. Not the Mum’s group here - they know your ex girlfriend and it’s a small town anyway. Not Lauren - she knows all of your friends, who else? Just be grateful my mate is at least sensible and temperate. Why do you think I talk to her? I’m not looking for someone to agree with me and tell me what a dick you are and blah blah, that doesn’t help things. I can barely talk to you so if not her who else? What kind of lonely isolated world do you want for me? Am I not allowed one person to confide in? If you get advice from anyone I’ll bet they just take your side and make you feel justified which is actually shit, there are always two sides to a story, at least she is able to see both.

But sure, go stay wherever you like and work out what your problem is with me. You resent me for some reason, you treat me like shit but get defensive and bolshy when I confront you about it. Our getting along is dependent on me ignoring when you are grumpy or shitty with me, but I don't think that's how it should work. You act like it’s all me but it’s just not. I’m tired of living this way. Arguing back and forth, you saying stupid hurtful things just for the sake of it or because you are drunk and then you hardly ever own up or take responsibility for anything. How many beers do you have every night? Maybe that has something to do with it. If not then it is literally just who you are now.

I’ve said it to you before - there is surely someone out there who will inspire you to be nice and kind and sweet and understanding and patient and loving the majority of the time. That person doesn’t appear to be me anymore. Surely we both deserve better than this.

Tell me what you want to do from here.