I've Tired of Single Mothers Justifying Their Toxic Behaviours

Society has sympathy for single mothers. Many single mothers crave this sympathy and tend to misuse it, especially in court. Don’t get me wrong, there are many amazing single parents out there who deserve credit for their dedication towards their children.

But unfortunately, there are also a lot of toxic single mothers who do all in their power to erase the biological fathers from their children lives (without a reason) and gain sympathy from society, help and government support.

Relationships don’t work out. Not everyone who breaks up is meant to “get back together”. Breakups are part of life.

Single mothers didn’t become single by accident (I am excluding widowed etc) — it was their, mutual or your ex-partners choice. You both “decided” to have a baby. You decided to have unprotected sex.

So many women nowadays justify and excuse to their own children why they have become single parents, and quite often they blame the biological father of the children. That’s pure parental alienation.

My close friend’s ex is a narcissist. She has abused him, the system, their kids for years. Just recently, she decided to tell their daughter “how she met her father”. She came up with a ridiculous, belittling story where she portrayed her father as a “player” who picked her up in a bar, gave her promises and dumped her.

Nothing can be further from the truth.

Toxic single mothers don’t tell the truth, they don’t like to admit that perhaps they were irresponsible, that they were insecure and hoped to entrap the man with pregnancy, that they longed for an easy life and hoped that the man would stay with them just because they have a child together.

Toxic single mothers don’t admit that it takes two people to make the relationship work — and it’s not entirely the father’s fault. And especially it’s not the child’s fault.

I’ve heard countless absurd excuses that malicious mothers justify their poor lifestyle or inability to provide emotional, physical and financial support for their children.

“It happened and I didn’t have a choice…”

A woman who was raped didn’t have a choice. You had a choice, you willing stalked, preyed on your supply and entrapped the man. Then, when he didn’t turn out to be as stupid as you hoped him to be — you got upset.

Nobody pressured you to sleep with him or to lie to him that you were on pills. Or it was perhaps your decision to get into a relationship with a loser who will not stand up to the responsibility and now your children have to suffer because of your poor decisions. You were young?

No excuses. My grandmother used to say “If you can fuck then you can fuck up”, meaning you are not a baby girl anymore once you spread your legs. So own it.

“I can’t hold onto a job and raise a child”

There is a special kind of toxic working single mothers. They moan, boast, weep, play, and pretend as if what they are doing is unimaginable and nearly impossible — working and raising a child! Wow, they are not rocket scientists, quite on the contrary their work usually takes nearly no brain power but they still moan about it.

When the biological father wishes to help out and have more time with the children — they refuse. Why? Oh because they would be paid less than and won’t be able to afford their little lifestyle!

So, please just stop glorifying everything you do — because there is not a lot.

“Because of you dad, you can't have swimming classes…”

So let me get that straight — because of the man you choose to sleep with, have a child with, you aren’t able to meet your children’s needs?

It has nothing to do with him. Men owe you nothing.

You expected the man to pay for everything? He is not your father and you are not a child anymore. Did you expect him to pick up your slack? He is not your slave. Or perhaps you wish for him to abide by your demands?

Your ex-partner is not your dog.

There is a reason he is an ex.

“Your father never shows up that’s why we are suffering!”

What if is unable to show up because you are preventing him from seeing his children? What if he doesn’t show up because if he does you will cause more issues that would make the children suffer? Toxic mothers use words such as “always” and “never”.

When the father is out of the picture they project these toxic tendencies onto children. They are magnifying small mishaps into full-scale dress-downs in front of other people or simply blaming the children for her mistake by attributing it to her flawed nature. They tend to label their own kids as “vulnerable”, “sick” or “emotionally undeveloped”.

Instead of helping their children not become the above, they label them in early childhood and effectively deny them the chance of becoming healthy young adults.

“If you were with your father, you would be worse off — you should be grateful you are with me!”

Toxic mothers compare a lot. They create delusional scenarios and present them to their children to guilt-trap them and control them. They crave to maintain their control over children — manipulating their need to be favoured — and to shape the relationship between siblings and even strangers.

“You don’t remember what happened! Only I do!”

Toxic mothers lie a lot — they would create the most absurd stories to excuse their poor parenting and misfortunes. Quite often when the child is old enough and starts to ask more questions mothers will tell them that certain things didn’t happen or happened differently. The children are very likely to believe it.

Toxic others gaslight not only children but everyone around them. They would make promises, break them, tell others that she never made a promise in the first place. Toxic mothers would deny any responsibility that they have — they would cause men of sexual assault before they acknowledge that they willingly had sex with them.

Because of such women, other good women, men and children are suffering.

A toxic mother severely affects the child’s development into adulthood. The child grows up into a dysfunctional adult.

• They feel not “good enough”;

• They feel as if they don’t deserve love;
• They feel as if something is wrong with them;
• They develop attachment issues;
• They constantly feel “guilty”;
• They have identity issues;
• They develop depression, addictions and mental health illnesses;
• They lack emotional intelligence;
• They self-sabotage.

If women didn’t make excuses perhaps their children would not make excuses either and the vicious circle would be broken. It takes courage to accept responsibility and change your behaviour. But it is possible, there are many women who broke free from their toxic mothers and healed.

It’s important to take the time to think about your childhood experiences and how they shaped you. Sit with them. Think about how they make you feel. Think about how they make you act.

Think before you get pregnant. Think while you are pregnant. Think for your children who are unable to speak.

Do they really deserve to hear the above bullshit excuses? Or do they deserve the best shot at life?

The choice is yours.