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I Swore I Wouldn't Be *That* Mom

Spoilers, I became that mom.

By Emma ConradPublished 4 years ago 3 min read
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Finding out you're pregnant is such a whirlwind of hormone and emotion. A million thoughts of a potential future immediately flooded my mind. What will my baby look like? What kind of toddler will they be? What kind of mother will I be? I spent every day of my pregnancy wondering what our futures would hold. For every "I wonder", there came plenty of "I will never" as well, but let me tell you, unless you've lived through motherhood, you should truly never say never.

I had a vision of the mother I would be, all put together and clean when I left the house each day, so patient and kind to my child and my spouse, always organized and tidy. I thought I would be the same Type A perfectionist that I've always been and I assumed that one little baby couldn't change me that much...

I swore I wouldn't be that mom walking around Target in her pajamas.

But there were days when getting dressed and brushing my hair really did seem like too much. There were mornings where I had slept less than three hours and needed to get diapers or baby Tylenol and I didn't have the energy to put on jeans for that. And honestly, I knew whatever I changed into would be covered in spit up in a mere five minutes anyway.

I swore I wouldn't be a co-sleeper.

I read the horror stories of people accidentally rolling over and suffocating their own child. I heard all the warnings about inviting a child into your bed and never getting them to leave again. But there were so many nights that were so long and so completely and unbelievably exhausting that I did what I needed to get the rest my body craved. And I beat myself up about it in the moment and then whole-heartedly thanked myself in the morning.

I swore I wouldn't be the mom who let her baby watch TV.

I know it overstimulates them. I've read the "science" behind keeping kids away from screens. But when all you need is five minutes to put a load of laundry on or load the dishwasher or like, use the bathroom, those YouTube nursery rhymes really do the trick...(anyone else catch themselves singing "Little Baby Bums" at work?...)

I swore I wouldn't be the mom that struggled to get her body back.

I'm a petite person and I've been fairly thin my whole life. I swore I wouldn't "let myself go" after having a baby and I'd be right back in the gym, toning everything right back up. But, honestly, growing a tiny human does a lot of damage. And raising that tiny human takes a lot of energy. AND after working all day, I'd really rather spend time with my little guy than spend hours at the gym. Prioritize, people. Neither my son or my husband are worried that my thighs are a little thicker than they used to be.

I swore that I would be a patient mom.

I wanted so badly to be Mary Poppins, the picture of elegant at all times. But it turns out crippling sleep deprivation can turn you into a mom-ster. And hearing your toddler scream bloody murder because they don't want to go to bed will take a toll on your patience. I am practicing patience. I am learning what I can let go. But I am not perfect and that's okay.

_______________________________

I swore I wouldn't do so many things. I thought I would have the energy to do so many more things. But I did. And I don't. And IT'S OKAY. As mothers, we spend so much time beating ourselves up for the things we lack, the qualities we don't like about ourselves, but we forget to count and cherish the million other things we do right.

We are showing up every day for little people who don't care what we look like or that we yell at them sometimes. We are doing the most important thing we can which is loving our kids. Swear to love them a little more each day. Swear to learn a little more each day.

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