I Still Love Fall

by Stacey Sikora 9 days ago in grief

A Story About Overcoming Grief and Still Appreciating the Same Things as Before

I Still Love Fall
Photo by Jakob Owens on Unsplash

Ever since I was real young and the first time I've ever went trick or treating on Halloween, I've always adored the season. Putting on costumes, gathering with other kids and walking door to door collecting treats while seeing other kids going around in their costumes always brought such festive joy. The fireworks, festivities, pumpkin carving and those tasty roasted pumpkin seeds are always just a few more things to look forward to every year.

I love how at the end of the summer, the leaves start changing and the weather gets cooler. Some people complain that it's no longer Summer and then there are people like me who look forward to the Fall. Every season is special, but to me, Fall is extra special in itself. There's nothing I dislike about the season that I can think of except for one painful memory.

Every year, I'm still already in the mood for Fall as soon as it reaches the end of September even though it now brings the memory of my Mom passing away which happened 8 years ago. That event was the most surreal experience of my life and I didn't know if I would ever be the same. It was right around Thanksgiving (in Canada) when I've lost her after her long and grueling battle with cancer which took a real toll on everyone especially myself and my dear stepdad.

My mom was a wonderful, honest, caring and genuine person. I used to always look forward to holidays like Thanksgiving with my Mom. I'd usually help her put together a nice traditional meal with the works and it always turned out perfectly. For the last several years of my Mom's life, every Thanksgiving dinner was a nice relaxing time with just her, myself, my stepdad and my other half. Every time we would enjoy a nice dinner, listen to music and enjoy each other's company right up until she wasn't eating anymore which broke my heart to pieces. That Thanksgiving, I had very little of an appetite myself.

For the first couple of years after my Mom died, I would loathe the Thanksgiving holiday missing the times we've spent together, feeling sorry for myself and becoming a drag around my other family members and people close to me. Then one day I've finally realized that the best way to honor loved ones who've passed on is not to dwell in self pity but to carry on, cherish the memories, and be there for those who are still living. Yes, grieving is a totally natural process and you can't expect everyone to truly understand until it happens to them. It's just an inevitable thing that we all must go through, unfortunately. But as time goes by, it's amazing what we can overcome and still carry on.

Last Thanksgiving was totally fine. Overcoming the grief, I was and am truly grateful for those around me who are still alive and doing well including my Dad, my life partner who still sticks by me, my friends and the few family members who are still part of my life.

To this day, I still love Fall and everything about it. I love the colors of the leaves, the crisp cool air, the smell of Thanksgiving dinner, the Halloween decor, spooky movies, pumpkins, roasted pumpkin seeds, the candy, the costumes, the fireworks, that warm cozy feeling, all the memories from the past, and all the memories that are still to be made every year.

To me, Fall is also a reminder of how nothing ever dies. It is all just ever lasting change, going through the stages over and over again.

The mums that my Mom got me one year before she passed. They still bloom every year to this day.

grief
Stacey Sikora
Stacey Sikora
Read next: Allie on the Sand
Stacey Sikora

Artist, craftsperson, music and movie enthusiast, also enjoys writing, photography, a lover of nature and a mother of cats.

See all posts by Stacey Sikora