I miss you

Hey Momo, I love you! That's the first thing i would say to you. I love you and I miss you! It's been a month since you went home. And as much as I wish to be there by your side, I got to see you smile and make you laugh one more time before you went.

I think about you every day. Some days I smile others, I'm sure you have seen the tears i cry on the hard days. Things are kind of back to normal. As normal as you can get after losing someone so special.

I think about the memories you gave me. The earliest one where I packed my red suitcase to go stay with you guys (3 doors down). The times you let me pick things at the dollar tree. I remember you helping me pick out a blue glass swan for my mommy. I was so happy when you said i could get it. I remember singing Toby Kieth on the way home and all of our rides. I remember the cooking you did for me and my brothers. The way everything tasted just that much better. I remember watching you embroider and sew. You were so talented and I remember bragging to lots of people. I rememeber the times you and my popo would pick me up from school (college) and always driving me around to get groceries and to stay at my tia's house with you. I remember when we would stop at Mcdonalds before you guys would drop me off back for my morning classes on Mondays. I remember all the times you would play with my hair while i sat at the foot of your rocking chair. I remember the days when you guys would pull up in your van from the long trip from Texas! And yes i remember the hard early mornings to say bye until next time!

Until the roadtrips became fewer and fewer, so I flew to you. I remember the first trip i took. I'm not going to lie I was so nervous and my daddy saw, but the whole time I kept thinking that it was going to be worth it to hug you tight! After that first trip I promised to come back as soon as possible! I remember the drives around town. You guys showed me a lot of history about our family. You told me the many many stories and memories. You took me to meet and see family i hadn't seen in a long time. I never wanted to be away from your side. Sitting at home and chilling in the livingroom was the best. I remember the warm naps during the day and then waking up to you telling popo to take us to get snacks and go for a evening drive. We ate tacos and fruit cups, corn in a cup and snowcones.

I miss those trips so much momo. I wish I could just fly home to you. I also remember the last time you talked to me on the phone. I remember thinking this was different. the call felt different, so I held on to every word you said. When we got off the phone I said I loved you soo much and like you always said before you said goodbye, you said " I love you mamas. I love you. I love you. I love you." After we hung up I cried. I didnt understand why though but I knew to never let that go. I remember the last time I was there to see you before you got really sick. It was one of the best trips ever, but leaving was so hard. I could see it in your eyes and the way you carried yourself. Momo you were tired and at the time I didnt understand. I cried the whole ride home.

6 months later I went to go see you. So now 7 months since the last time I got to see you smile. since the last time I got to hear you laugh even if it was quieter and didnt last as long. I will never forget my daddy stopping me to tell me to brace myself. But it was worth it because I got to look in your eyes and let you see that I loved you. Momo I will never ever forget the last words you said to me and the words I said to you. I will never forget the way you said goodbye to me and that you loved me one more time.

Crazy that this much time goes bye so quick. This all feels like It just happened. I won't ever forget what one of my uncles said. You will never understand until you go through it yourself. On the hard days I usually talk to my family. Send texts to my tia and my brothers. Call my popo and my daddy. Talk to my mommy. Check on my friends. I do this momo because although it will never be the same again, I still have my family and loved ones to love me and take care of me just like you.

So until next time Momo, I love you so much! I love you with all my heart.