Just a young adult navigating and exploring. I write authentic feelings and emotions. Welcome to my troubles, anxieties and mental instabilities. Now with an extra add on....im a mom now.
To My Ex
I feel kind of awkward. How do I start this? Hey, how's it going? I guess I will just let it all out for you here. It has been almost 6 years since we broke up. I can't lie I was devastated when we split. It was very much one sided and I was definitely not on board. I felt lost and confused. I never got clarity or a reason. Just up and gone in the middle of the night.
Becoming Your Mom
When I was little I was told that I was going to become a big sister. I was the only one in the house at the time and I was ready for my baby sibling to make an appearance. I have pictures, but some things stand out to me even though it all happened over 20 years ago. I remember being at the hospital with my family. I remember my momo pushing me in a wheelchair as we waited for my brother to be born. Most of all I remember when I sat on the chair next to my mom's bed and they placed my baby brother in my arms. It forever changed my life, feeling a baby in my arms. At the time I believe it sparked a little something. My mom said I acted like he was my baby. I would always be there when she was taking care of him. I was standing next to the rocking chair when she fed him, I was right there when he would wake up from nap and I wanted to make him feel better when he was upset. He was my baby.
I miss you
Hey Momo, I love you! That's the first thing i would say to you. I love you and I miss you! It's been a month since you went home. And as much as I wish to be there by your side, I got to see you smile and make you laugh one more time before you went.
Your Little Girl
Daddy, remember all the times I came running to you when I got hurt? I called for you when I needed help getting up. Remember when I would follow you around like a little duckling? I would walk right behind you when you cut the grass. I was always outside with you by your side when you worked on the cars. I was out "helping" you all the time. I wanted to be just like you when I grew up. And I know you said you wanted me to be better than you, but to me you were and still are the best man I have ever met.
My Mind and His Mental Health Issues
Days go by, boring, monotonous, chill and uneventful. These days go by and I take them for granted. I tend to forget for a few blissful moments that I am free from what really lurks in my mind. I don't focus on the fact that there are tons of ways that I could screw up my life at any moment with just a few words.
In Love with a DACA Kid
I am not here to discuss political views on the current DACA situation. I am not here to share my view on the DACA situation. I am just venting about what it is like to be in love with someone who at any second could be taken away.
Environmental Literature Journal Entry #6
Since when was it scary to go out in the dark? Ever since the weather got a little nicer, I have started to ride my long board. I like to go out at night. My family worries, but I think it's more fun. To me it is more peaceful. They are the same streets, roads, houses signs and trees, just covered in darkness.
Environmental Literature Journal Entry #4
I'm not sitting in a spot or walking. I am in a hybrid spot. I am in the passenger side of the car. As much as it is not the best place to reflect, I am compelled to speak about the feeling and deep connection I am experiencing.
Environmental Literature Journal Entry #3
Observations: Obvious physical changes. The ice is starting to melt around the edges of the lake. There is a dusting of white snow. It is very bright, white, and crisp outside today. Haven't had snow in a while. There is a little bit of a breeze. It moves the trees every now and then.
Environmental Literature Journal Entry #1
The lake is frozen over, still. There is snow covering it. No footprints, tracks. Nothing. Completely blank. Sun is bright. Sky is blue, with clouds hovering low to the ground. Cars are going down the road. Everything seems normal on campus. Grass coming through the snow. Trees are bare.