I'm Not A Natural Mum, and That's Ok

Mothering sucks. Going through all the pain and nausea of pregnancy, then the numbing pain after a c-section when you cannot move, but still need to look after a new born is mother-f***ing tough.

Out of all the mothers I know both personal and through mum’s group, I am pretty much the odd one out when it comes to motherhood. It has never and never will seem natural to me and although I love my daughter like crazy, I definitely cannot wait until she is older.

When she was born nearly 3 years ago, I think in my head I dreamt that I’d be the kind who would fall into being a mum and just wanting to always be with her. It didn’t take me long to realise – umm Ash that is not you. I do love being a mum, please don’t get me wrong, but even if we didn’t have to put her in day care from a young age due to myself returning to work, we still would as I am definitely not cut out to be a stay at home mum full time.

Most friends I talk to say ‘oh I wish I could stay at home instead of working to spend more time with (their kid’s name)’ or ‘I cannot wait to have another one, so I can continue staying home’. I just roll my eyes to be honest, and think nope, nope, definitely not my train of thought. As per one of my earlier posts 5 Reasons I Wish People Would Stop Asking If I Am Having a 2nd Child there may be a time when I may want a sibling for my daughter, but for now she is a handful enough. Also the terrible twos do not stop and there are days when her tantrums and moods tip me over the edge, I have to just go for a walk.

Do I feel guilty for her being at daycare? Hell no. She is getting great socialisation with a wide variety of children and adults and is learning like crazy, not to mention the joy I get when I ask her about her day after I pick her up and she excitedly babbles on about climbing on monkey bars, painting rocks, drawing and reading books. She is incredibly switched on, and I doubt she would be that switched on had I not started her at daycare when she was just 14 weeks old and been home instead. Not that I doubt my teaching skills, but my background is definitely not in childcare besides having young nephews, but the daily kid stuff I was fully unprepared for. Also if you read my article I Am Not a F***ing Good Wife, Just A Supportive Wife you will know we live in a 2 bedroom unit with no backyard and a husband who has just finished studying university from home.

There is a lot of different ways to be a mother. I should know as I saw first-hand my own mum and dad raise my 2 sisters and I, and due to my dad having a long term illness, the whole financial support was on my mum’s shoulders and with 3 daughters she raised us all quite well, and now enjoys playing with the 5 grandkids now. Mum was always there for us growing up, we had a big backyard and had bikes, played tennis and playing with our pets. We had a great childhood and although none of us went to daycare, all of us are switched on and smart in our own ways.

So as the old saying goes ‘There is no one way to be a great parent, but a million ways to be a good one’ I like to think I am a good one.