5 Reasons I Wish People Would Stop Asking If I Am Having a 2nd Child

Parenting is hard and everyone knows it. I am a mum of 1 adorable little girl who despite being cheeky, extremely active and getting use to her emotions, I wouldn’t change her for the world. The one thing that annoys me, which started not long after she was born was the ‘so when are you having another one?’ I mean seriously, let me just focus on having our life tipped upside down with all our time and energy going on one helpless little human being, before we throw a second in to the mix.

As time goes on however and our daughter is nearly 3, the question gets asked more frequently and now being 50/50 about even giving her a sibling is something that we may not end up doing for the following reasons.

MENTAL HEALTH

Due to my history of anxiety, panic attacks and depression which I was on medication from 2005 to 2008 I should have expected these issues to rear their ugly heads during pregnancy, but they didn’t hit me until after she was born and I was home from the hospital. My husband only had 2 weeks of leave off and I spent most of those 14 days overthinking how I was going to cope when he went back to work (and yes looking after my new born too) so after a few weeks I was put on anxiety medication. I have been on these since, minus 3 weeks where I tried to wean myself off them thinking I could cope, which backfired badly and back to them I went.

MONEY AND DEBT

We got married in September 2017 and about a month later we fell pregnant, in hindsight maybe we were a bit hasty and should have sat down and checked out budget and planned financially for a baby. We didn’t do this and despite having a small wedding and no honeymoon we still had debt – which we are still paying off to this day. Children are definitely not cheap, and it is one of the reasons we are putting off having a second one due to nappies and formula and everything baby related.

HOME OWNERSHIP

Our goal has always been getting our own place. We currently rent a two bedroom unit, which is older style and has no garden, which we have been in for 6 years this year and is not conducive for a growing toddler. Add to the fact that for the last 4 years my husband has been studying his Bachelor of Accounting and his study/desk area is in our lounge room as both bedrooms are taken. Not long after I returned to work, my direct supervisor mentioned that having children affects the home loan borrowing capacity by approximately $70,000 per child. I couldn’t believe that, so currently it is lower than we’d like with one child, imagine with two. So even though we have debt still, our home ownership dreams are on hold, but definitely fingers crossed before a 2nd child comes into the picture.

PHYSICAL HEALTH

During pregnancy I heard multiple times from nurses and midwives that my pregnancy was a ‘boring one’ meaning no health issues or complications. I didn’t get gestational diabetes, which I was surprised at due to the fact I was overweight to start, and despite the amount of blood tests I had (I am severely needle phobic) everything was looking good and she was growing on point. Until Saturday the 14th July 2018 in the evening when I was experiencing severe headaches that wouldn’t go away. I phoned the hospital and they said to come in for testing, long story short I was admitted with Pre-Eclampsia and they were talking about induction, I was freaking out. I was induced at about 1am on Sunday the 15th July and eventually had an epidural but still no baby by 7pm that night. To prevent issues, I was sent through for an emergency caesarean to get bub out. Once home, due to it being a surgery I was in pain for a few months and unable to lift anything except my daughter. I think the stress of going through all that again scares me into not wanting a second child.

CAREER AND JOBS

Lastly, when I fell pregnant I had been at my job as an administrator for almost 2 years and I loved it. I knew that after birth I would be taking time off as my work didn’t offer maternity leave but I was stressing as I didn’t want to leave my job. I know it sounds silly but I would get anxiety about my replacement who was covering my role for the 4 months I was off, would do a better job than me and I would lose my job. This was never the case, as when I returned she would be in a different role but in the same department. The feelings I felt gave me so much anxiety that I feel I don’t want to go through that again. Although my passion for my job since returning from leave has changed, and I want to obtain a more creative balance in my life.

CONCLUSION

I am ok with now just having the one child while we sort out our future. Who knows what the future will hold, but hopefully we will have no regrets whatever the outcome.