Two weeks before the wedding, I got cold feet.
Today, a full year later, I'm still being judged.
But I don't regret it.I happened to be sitting next to her when we were playing a board game, and we worked so well together that we were met with gasps.
The combination of me being quiet and reserved and her being outgoing seemed perfect.
As an after-sale customer for a well-known mobile phone company, she encounters all kinds of strange calls and people every day.
She told me those people, those things, with a variety of exaggerated body language, every time successfully make me laugh, feel good relief.
She, on the other hand, would see me smiling like that and say, "Seriously, this is the first time anyone would listen to this shit. My parents say they can hear it all, but if I don't take it out, I'm going to go crazy."
I became her most devoted listener.
Compared with her work, I realized that my work is still very innocent and lovely.
You just have to work with machines, you don't have to talk, you don't have to do all that.
When two people together, what to eat, what to play, will try to listen to her.
She likes to go to nightclubs, and I can't stand the noise, but I choose to go with her and her friends, and then wait for her outside at Starbucks.
My job requires a lot of overtime, and sometimes I don't get a day off a week.
Every time, I need to buy gifts, accompany to eat accompany to accompany smiling face for a long time, to reconcile.
But these things, I don't feel bad about.
When it comes to dating, who doesn't want to be together every day?
But I did not expect that these humility, which I thought had nothing to do with principles, would encourage the other party to be domineering and capricious.
The other day, the work came in and I couldn't get away at all.
I apologized to her and said that I really couldn't get away. My colleagues were all working overtime.
Who knows, how I advised her not to listen, but also in front of so many people shouted: "Gao Wei, if you don't go with me today, let's break up."
All my colleagues looked at me.
With that, she walked away.
That day, after 9 p.m., my supervisor allowed me to leave early.
I want to make things small. I like her so much.
"You're the best." "Love you, love you."
So bold and unrestrained changeable she, let me sigh, more or inclusive.
After all, who doesn't have flaws?
Love for more than a year, finally to talk about marriage to marry this day.
But it was also the beginning of the end of our relationship.
When their parents met, my parents arranged to stay at the most famous seafood restaurant in the city.
They also bought gifts for Lin's father and mother, including wine, cigarettes, tea and silk scarves.My parents were sincere about that meal, but Lin Ma was very sly about it.
He also said that even if his daughter was getting married, he would not let her do any housework.
Lin Ma said happy, Lin dad face is not good, several times, are trying to change the topic.
But Lin Ma has been blind to it.
To tell you the truth, I didn't enjoy the meal very much.
But my parents, when we first met, listened politely and agreed.
During the time, my mother picked up the water cup to drink water, just the kettle was out of water.
Lin Ma saw, light cough 1, USE THE TONE OF QUASI-MOTHER-IN-LAW KIND TO SAY TO ME: "GAO Wei, SUCH a thing you STILL don'T HURRIEDLY ACTIVE point, STILL WAIT FOR THE girl to go."
I quickly took the canteen, went to find the waiter, the atmosphere was momentarily awkward.
Only listen to my mother said: "This child, every day to the computer, brain wood, work also have no vision, in-laws you after more adjustment ah."
Lin Ma was not polite at all: "I am a relatively straight person, once said one thing, since I will be a family, when I see what is not done considerate, I will not hide it, life is these little things, this man, ah, must not be accustomed to, from the beginning to establish good rules..."
Lin Pa silently under the table to pull Lin Ma's corner.
Lin Ma immediately debunked: "What are you pulling me for? You're kidding me, and I'll tell you the truth. Marrying a girl is such a big deal that you have to keep your eyes wide open."
When I got home that day, my dad was full of gas.
But my mother thought, the world which when the mother is not so, the family tough, daughter in the in-laws will not suffer.
My mother also said that my father: "we have not raised a daughter, so can not understand the mood of marrying a girl, more empathy, to the other people better."
I replied: Let me be nice to you in the future.
This sentence, I only take as a joke, a family will have what things need to be king?
I was very happy to say to her, "In the future, you will be the king and queen of our family."
However, life is not based on love words alone.
During that time, whenever we had time, we went out to look at houses.
Every time, Lin Ma must accompany.
And, no matter what kind of house, she could always find fault with it.
Either the location is not right, or the layout is not good, or the developer is not big enough...
I have some depressed, and sales to the corridor to smoke.
The Qingshui room was not soundproof at all, and the conversation between her and her daughter came to my ears clearly.
"Mom, this house is very nice. I really like it at first sight."
"That YOU ALSO CAN'T SHOW SO OBVIOUS, A SHORT WHILE GAO WEI COMES IN, YOU SAY THE HOUSE IS GOOD, BE A LITTLE SMALL, CONNECT A STORE CONTENT ALL HAVE NO, ANYHOW, YOU WANT TO SHOW AS FAR AS POSSIBLE NOT VERY SATISFIED."
"Why, do you say why? Let him feel that if you marry him, you are marrying him. Let him feel that he owes you. In this way, he will listen to you in many things in the future."
"You listen to mother, Gao Wei is not like a soft persimmon, want to be in charge of the family in the future, you have to be more careful, otherwise, he will be caught for a lifetime."
It's a heart-wrenching conversation.
I couldn't help but say: "Forget it, then don't buy, look again."
When she said this, I seemed to immediately feel that I was not sensible.
At this time, the sales staff to match, the same day to pay a deposit of various concessions and so on, in the end, we still bought the house.
The down payment was made with my parents' money and my savings.
I should be happy when I buy a house, but I feel like a ball of cotton in my heart.
Worse days lie ahead.
After the house is bought, the next step is the intense decoration.
I occasionally engage in a personal opinion, which is simply ignored.
Even if it is to pick a computer desk, but also by their mother and daughter fancy picky, and finally choose the style they like.
But when I did, she'd say, "You have bad taste." "Talking about aesthetics with a man of science and technology is like casting pearls before swine."
I was speechless. In that case, why ask for my advice?
During those days, the company was extremely busy.
They never listen to me. I just work overtime to make more money and let them make their own decisions.
He's not married yet. He wants to be a shopkeeper."
One time, my parents went to check on the progress.
"This family is just like my own. Gao Wei keeps saying that he will work overtime, but he doesn't even come."
Parents do not know the details, home will be a good criticism of me.
In fact, the house bought, the decoration is in progress, also equivalent to the board is nailed, I don't want to say her is not, let her in the eyes of my parents to reduce points.
After all, everyone doesn't want their wife to be perfect in the eyes of their parents.
So when my parents criticized me, I just listened and said I would try to get involved as much as possible.
In this way, half a year later, the house installed, the smell also scattered almost.
Since May, we have been taking wedding photos, booking hotels and sending invitations to friends and relatives.
And at almost every step of the way, something happens.
I said I didn't want to ask for leave because of the wedding photos, she said this life to get married so once, not in the seaside wedding photos don't get married.
So I gave in.
When I buy my wedding clothes, I want to choose a regular suit that I can wear to work.
So I gave in.
The wedding is exquisite, so I try to adapt to her requirements and aesthetic, do not want to leave her regret.
After all, every girl has a princess dream.
It was one day in August 2019, when I was working on a company project for three days and nights without sleeping more than a few hours.
When I finally finished the task, I threw myself into my desk and fell asleep.
It was after nine o 'clock at night.
Finally, or the building patrol security woke me up: "Brother, I see you haven't been home for a few days, don't sweat bad body, go home to sleep."
I called her back, and as soon as I got through, she asked, "Why didn't you answer the phone?"
"I just fell asleep in my office."
Then, despite me working three days in a row, she told me I had to go with her to the wedding hotel to change the food.
At that time, I didn't even have the strength to walk.
I said to her, "I'm really tired. Let's go tomorrow."
No way, I can only say to her: "I can't even walk, if it has to be today, then you go by yourself, anyway, what to change is your decision."
Who knows, she immediately fire: "Let you take a taxi to go, didn't let you walk to go, you also want to push back, that is not later married, the child I born my tube, all the housework I do, you are only responsible for saying tired good."
"Gao WEI, TONIGHT THIS DISH MUST CHANGE, OTHERWISE, THIS MARRIAGE DON'T GET MARRIED, YOU LOOK AT DO!"
Then she hung up the phone.
When I called back, the phone was busy.
Five minutes later, Lin Ma called.
It IS familiar routine: "GAO Wei, this is not married, you so to my girl, this want to get married, that return got, hurriedly OF, NOW immediately go to change DISH, otherwise, don't say you haven't got card, is the wedding held half, I also will take the girl home."
At that moment, it dawned on me that what both of them wanted was not a change of dish for the day, but a result of my compromise and their victory in the matter.
Ever since we started talking about marriage, they've been trying to give me a foundation of obedience.
In their eyes, a good marriage is not mutual understanding and support, but unilateral submission.
This is where to find love, this is clearly in the animal training.
At that moment, it was particularly clear to me that this was the marriage they wanted all along, not the one I wanted.
At that moment, I do not know where to come the courage, loudly said to Lin Ma in the phone: "Aunt, this marriage I don't get married, you take your daughter home."
Then I quickly hung up the phone and turned it off.
That night, I went home and fell asleep.
I slept until 10 a.m. the next morning.
Then I ordered the extra big breakfast to take out, ate and drank my fill and started to call.
The first call was to Mom and Dad.
After finishing the cause and effect, I said to them: "Mom and dad, I'm sorry, this marriage I don't get married."
My mom started to cry, but my dad said to me, "Okay, I know, marriage is not a game. It has to be consensual, son, and we respect your decision."
Then I called the hotel and the wedding company and told them, "The wedding is off and the deposit is gone."
I told my friends and relatives, "I'm sorry, but this marriage is over."
You can imagine how she will react.
But I don't want to give her a chance to lose control, hang up the phone, decisive shutdown.
Then I asked for annual leave from my company.
For ten days, I turned off my cell phone and went to bed in the sun every day.
I was filled with the joy and freedom of a bird out of its cage.
Ten days later, my life was back to work, overtime, and off.
I didn't say anything about why I broke off the marriage.
This is what I was prepared for when I made the decision.
It's better than this. What's done is done.
As a married buddy said to me after a drink: breaking an engagement and getting divorced are two very different stories.
Now, a year after the incident, the "man who broke off his marriage" label still sticks.
However, the more I experienced, the more I realized that I was not wrong.
Looking around, how many lovers are about to get married before finding each other is not suitable, but because the house bought, the banquet booked, relatives and friends also informed, too troublesome, afraid of losing face, so, forced scalp into marriage.
Then, found that marriage is a series, endure for a while but can not endure for a lifetime.
Fear of trouble before marriage, there will be more trouble after marriage.
Good feelings, is the icing on the cake, is help, is mutual help, not the east wind over the west wind, not in the two people in the world.
So, tell my story and accident, I hope everyone has the ability to love, but also no lack of courage to cut losses.