I Almost didn't write this tonight

I almost didn't write this tonight.

I missed my dedicated writing time this morning, and I feel disappointed. Part of me feel as though I'm falling behind, while another part of me feels like it's fighting a losing battle. For a while now, life has been getting the best of me, and my writing was placed on the back burner. I haven't forgotten about it but realizing that I haven't written anything or edited my book makes me feel as though I'm failing.

Have you ever got the feeling that no matter what you do, you keep coming back to the one thing that brings you peace?

That with all the problems in the world, it's the place where you can completely relax and let go? That's the feeling I get with writing.

In the midst of the voice telling me that I might as well give up. That I'm failing my book and failing as a writer; there's also a part of me that makes me feel as though I can accomplish any and everything that comes my way.

What drove me to write this tonight are two things: my kids and my man.

The three people who matter to me more than anything. They give me hope in every new day.

My kids make me want to become the mom and woman that I take pride in them looking up to. I want them to look at me and think, "No matter what happened, my mom never gave up." I want them to see and know that no matter what, they can do anything they set their minds to do.

My man on the other hand helps me believe in myself more every day. With his constant words of encouragement and aspirations, and the love and care that he has for me and my kids, he makes me want to be a better woman.

I want to forever make him proud.

One day, when my book is published and they have it in their hands, I want them to look at me proud of all that I've pushed through. And celebrate with me the fact that I didn't give up. That I pushed through and made it. Instead of letting the negative thoughts consume me, I rose above and succeeded. When I imagine that day, I don't see a publish book, instead I see all the moments that came before it.

The late nights and endless months of writer's block that felt like I'd never get out of it. All the days I felt overwhelmed. Days where I even questioned myself. I see myself getting a bit emotional because life has its way of putting a chokehold on us all, and every time that I've chosen to come back to my dream, I gave myself exactly what I needed. Me telling myself that I'm going to make it.

Tonight could have been another lost night. Where I just laid in bed stuck on the fact that I missed my window this morning, but tonight was my way of saying that I'm still here. And I'm yet learning that making it and being a success doesn't happen overnight, but within every small moment, there is joy.

For anyone reading this who's been through the same, I want you to know that you're not alone.

Just fifteen minutes can remind you that you're still moving, and you don't have to wait until your life is perfect to begin again. Even in the craziest storms, something beautiful is born.

I almost didn't write this tonight, but I'm happy that I did. My story isn't over. It's still being written, and you are in for a ride!