How to Teach Self Control to Children

Self-control is an important trait that adults will use with them, to their benefit and society’s benefit, throughout their lives. Acts of self-control or lack thereof, stem from childhood. Parents should teach their children self-control at a very young age so that they can bring these characteristics with them, as they grow older.

Both inside the home and outside, children exhibit behavior that sometimes needs the restraining of parents. Teaching children self-control will make them easier to handle, and can help them make better decisions that should not result in frustration, making you a happier parent and him a happier child.

Toddler Years (1-3 years old)

During these critical years, toddlers throw tantrums especially when they are frustrated. Frustration is usually a result of communication since at this age they still have difficulty communicating their wants and needs. As parents, make sure that you use simple words and clear directions. It will also help to establish a routine with your child, and work with that.

They usually have a difficult time socializing with other children, as they like to play beside them, and not with them, and do things for themselves only. When your child has outbursts, you might want to try separating your child, and putting him into a room for a few minutes so, he can deal with his frustration and learn that outbursts are not the only way he can let this out. This is called time out. Make sure that when you put your child on time out, there are no activities in the room for them to enjoy, or else it would seem that they are being rewarded.

Preschooler Years (3-5 years old)

During this age, children start to ask questions, and you can use this opportunity to explain to them that crying is not the way to communicate. When needed, you can still use the method of time out and stay with them until they calm down. It is also important that you stick to the routines you have established with them.

Give your child praise for not losing self-control in situations when they behave, and express that you are proud and happy. If they misbehave and start to hurt other people as a result, like hitting or throwing things, do not yell. Firmly explain that it is alright to be upset if their toys break, but it is not alright to hit other people.

They are also very unpredictable at this age, so be patient. When your child has outbursts due to interaction with other children, calmly explain the situation to them. It is important also to give them a lot of attention, so both parent and child can work on communication strategies. Always shower them with hugs and kisses and of course positive reinforcement. Remember that children also mimic what they see in their environment, so always be a model of good behaviour.

Age 6-9

You can start planning simple activities to engage your child in that will practice their self-control. One such way is letting them practice how to act when they want something that they cannot have. Let them say aloud what it is they want, and say, "I want this but I can’t have it right now." In addition, ask them what they would do instead. Would they borrow something or turn their attention to something else productive? Discuss with them times when they would usually want something that they cannot always have, such as being in the toy store.

The interaction with other children at school will also help them practice self-control, such as sharing their things with other children and waiting for their turn. Reinforce that they always have two choices when making a decision. The school will help them understand the consequences of choosing bad behaviour. In addition, most importantly, remember to be consistent. Always communicate to your child that tantrums and outbursts are not acceptable behavior.