How To Keep Your Relationship Alive After Baby Arrives
You literally only need 6 seconds to 10 minutes
Babies are a blessing - but they’re also hard work, which leaves less time and energy for your relationship. If you’re looking for ways of how to keep your relationship alive after baby arrives, it can be reassuring to know it doesn’t have to be complicated or take hours - it just has to be done.
When you commit to small actions, every day, you’ll enjoy your relationship so much more (and possibly, even your baby!) because you’re not simultaneously stressing out about your partner. You’re adoring them.
4 Ways Of How To Keep Your Relationship Alive After Baby Arrives
1. Share a 6-second long kiss
Sexual intimacy often falls to the wayside in the early stages of parenthood. If you’re looking for ways of injecting energy and passion into your relationship or marriage – one good way, that keeps the fire burning, is sharing a 6-second long kiss.
Relationship expert and researcher John Gottman means that in order for the kiss to feel romantic, it needs to be 6 seconds long. Any shorter and it won’t have the same amorous effect.
Sharing one kiss a day that’s 6 seconds long will boost the romance and make sure to keep your relationship alive – even when your baby is stealing most of your time and energy.
2. Schedule alone time – for yourself and your relationship
Babies take up a lot of our time. They need to be fed, changed and put to sleep round the clock – meaning there’s little time for anything else.
Even if this can’t be avoided, just 10-15 minutes a day with your partner, or half an hour per week, can do wonders for your connection.
Manage expectations by both committing to simple things – going for a walk and holding hands, watching a funny youtube clip, reminiscing about fond memories. It doesn’t have to be expensive or flashy. The important thing is that you prioritize each other and connect.
Taking care of your own needs is also paramount to your relationships happiness.
Esther Perel talks about the importance of cultivating your own identity as a means of keeping the heat in your relationship.
She means that sexual desire exists in the space between us, and in order for that space to survive – we need to hang on to who we are as individuals.
As time to yourself doesn’t magically appear when you have a small baby, you need to work at prioritizing it. And just as with time for your relationship, it doesn’t have to be hours – even 10 minutes to yourself where you focus on you and what you want, can be enough.
3. 60 seconds of intimacy, 3 times a day
Another way of how to keep your relationship alive after baby arrives, is by committing to 60 seconds of intimacy, 3 times a day. This intimate 1-minute moment doesn’t have to be sex, or even lead to anything remotely sexual.
The only requirements for this exercise are that these 60 seconds are something you two share together and don’t involve practical talk like who’s putting baby to sleep or who’s going to do the washing up.
Examples might be,
• sharing a moment holding hands,
• gazing into each other’s eyes,
• having a cup of coffee together.
It’s truly that simple!
If you do this three times a day, every day, you’ll likely find you’ve hacked the code to keeping your relationship loving.
4. Remind each other that this too shall pass
When you’re rolling the pram indoors at 3 AM because your baby just won’t sleep, or you’re wiping yourself down after yet another spit up-session – it’s easy to forget that this won’t always last.
When it’s tough – and it invariably is with a baby – take turns reminding each other that it won’t always be like this.
By telling each other that this too shall pass, you’re bringing yourselves out of a negative head space and into a, slightly more, positive one.
It doesn’t mean the struggles all stop – it does, however, offer some temporary relief from the negative, catastrophic thoughts racing around your brain.
At the same time, you and your partner are offering each other emotional support, helping you both get through this as a team. This boosts emotional intimacy and is helpful for how to keep your relationship alive after baby arrives.
Keeping The Spark Alive Doesn’t Have To Be Difficult
When things are hard we tend to feel like the solution has to be complicated. When it comes to getting through the baby years with your relationship in tact – it can be simple.
In order for you to keep your relationship alive after baby arrives, you only need a minimum of 6 seconds and a maximum of 10 minutes, per day. That’s it. In this time you can either share a 6 second long kiss, share 60 seconds of intimacy 3 times throughout the day, or 10 minutes to yourself or your relationship. By doing this you’ll be able to keep the fire burning and grow your emotional connection.
Leigh Norén is a sex therapist with a Master of Science in Sexology. She helps people reduce stress, shame, & anxiety surrounding sex-so they can get their sex drive back and enjoy their partner again. If you want a more intimate and exciting relationship, download her free resource, Intimate Q&A.
Originally published at Therapy by Leigh.