How to Get your Indian Parents to Love You

If you have Indian parents then you know how much of a disappointment you are. And even if you aren’t Indian, maybe your parents have Indian tendencies. Either way, if you want to be a better child in the eyes of your parents and all their friends, then this advice is for you.

Here are ten things you can do to get your parents to love you and praise you. If you can conquer even half of this list you are on your way to being a good boy or girl or what they say in Hindi, ucha bucha.

Checking all ten options will certify you as an official good child and you will not only be known as a superior class child in your family circle but brown families will tell stories of your success worldwide. You will be a true legend and hero that every parent hopes their children can resemble.

My sister has achieved eight out of ten and is currently pregnant so on the way to her ninth victory. I, on the other hand, have only been able to achieve one (drink Chai) but only do it occasionally. This is why despite being older than my sister, I am referred to as the brother of Naureen The Great.

Check the list and let’s see how much your parents love you.

Dance Lessons

This means taking lessons and having performed at Indian festivals, concerts, weddings, or events. And the dances in question are not ballet, jazz, or hip-hop. Those will not make the cut. You must be trained in either Bollywood or traditional Indian dancing by an Indian dance teacher. Only then can you check this off your list.

Cooking Curry

Buying some curry powder, ready-made chutney, naan, and basmati rice at Whole Foods doesn’t count. Cooking curry means watching your mom cook curry half haphazardly without a measuring cup or recipe and still making amazing tasting authentic Indian curry from scratch.

Drink Chai

Not a Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks or a bottled chai tea drink from 7–11. Drinking masala chai by boiling milk and adding spices like cinnamon, cardamom, ginger, black pepper, and cloves is a must. And you get bonus points if you make it in a battered old aluminum pot that your Indian grandmother brought with her in the 70s.

Wear Indian Clothes

To appease the P’s (parents), dressing the part is just as important as playing it. Wearing traditional Indian clothes like a sari, salwar kameez, lehenga choli or lungi will definitely bring tears of joy to your parent’s eyes. Especially if you wear these things at non-Indian events. Just imagine how proud your parents will be if you are heading to the office in an illustrious embroidered sherwani made of silk.

Memorize Relatives Names and Life Stories

Respect for family and elders is an important part of Indian culture and knowing your roots will prove to your parents that their legacy will live on when they are gone. Knowing all your relatives' names, addresses, food allergies, and marital problems will give you ample topics to discuss at the Indian community center.

Also knowing which aunty steals from others, which uncle gambles, and which cousin secretly smokes cigarettes will give you a step up over others when vying for the best Indian son or daughter.

Marry Indian

This should be a no-brainer. The ultimate way to impress your parents and cement their love for you is to bring home the perfect Indian mate. Parents will be overjoyed that their progeny will be of pure Indian descent and free of that spoon-fed, expect-everything-but-do-nothing Western influence.

To further excite your parents, don’t just marry Indian, marry straight out of India. Get your parents to arrange a marriage and sign off on the perfect mate for you, made in India, and delivered right to your door.

Provide a Grandchild(ren)

Career and personal accomplishments are great. But what’s greater than a grandchild? The children are our future and to your parents, your child is their future. They have done all they can do with you so now it’s time to work on the next generation.

What will make your parents overjoyed more than a promotion, new car, or house is an ultrasound of little Nimesh or baby Reena preparing to be born and restart the rejuvenation of the Indian Empire.

Speak Hindi

If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, then it means it’s not a cow and you can eat it. It also means that knowing the mother tongue of the motherland is the ultimate sign of a true Indian.

Knowing Hindi fluently, not just a few phrases of survival Hindi is the best way for your parents to prove they didn’t fail in their job of parenting. Passing on the words of their ancestors shows everyone their child is cultured and refined.

No parent wants to be the father or mother of that Indian kid who was born and raised in the American suburb of Skokie Illinois and knows nothing of the language or culture because he spent his childhood playing video games with his white friends.

Be a Professional Doctor/Lawyer

Everyone is destined for something but to every Indian parent, that something, better be a doctor or lawyer. This will give parents the highest regard for you and your life choices. Being an engineer or programmer is a close second.

Anything that only requires a Bachelor of Arts or has anything to do with entertainment will automatically disqualify you in the best son or daughter category. Unless of course, you do it so well that you can afford to buy your parents a house, car, cottage near the lake, and cruises to the Caribbean every winter.

Have a Spare Room for Them

In India, couples traditionally have large families for a variety of reasons. Having more labor to help in the farm, having spares in case some get sick and die, or decide to move away and try to make it in Bollywood.

The ultimate son or daughter will sacrifice space, privacy, and opportunities to bring hot drunk people home after a night of clubbing for a one-night stand. They will always keep a spare bedroom, sofa bed, or nook in their home for the parents to stay.

The door to your parent’s hearts opens when you give them a key to your apartment.

So make sure to keep a permanent place for them.

If you follow these guidelines and do your best to avoid things Indian parents despise like alcohol, drugs, and your friend Chad, then you will no doubt be loved and cherished by your Indian parents.

This story originally appears at: https://medium.com/muddyum/how-to-get-your-indian-parents-to-love-you-37cb9c27b2c3