How to Convince My Parent to Move to Assisted Living

One of the most emotional things that can happen during life is to watch a parent grow older. There is a time when it becomes worrisome to children to know of a parent's safety, health or ability to take care of himself. Assisted living offers support and social activities, as well as peace of mind, but it's not always an easy decision to get a parent to accept.

Fears of losing independence, familiar surroundings or significant changes in lifestyle are common among seniors against assisted living. It's okay if you're having a hard time with this conversation. The main thing is to take an empathetic, patient and understanding approach.

Be aware of their concerns first before responding.

Take the time to find out why your parent is opposed to your going before attempting to talk to them. Assisted living is seen as a surrender of freedom or that it means the resident will not be able to care for him or herself.

There are common concerns such as:

• The threat to freedom of independence.
• Anxiety about leaving their home
• Worries about cost
• Worry about isolation from the family
• Poor attitudes towards senior housing

Do not rush to solutions, listen to their emotions. If they voice their concerns, it can be very helpful to let them know that you hear them, and then to have a more productive discussion.

Start the Conversation Early

The number one error that a family makes is waiting until they have a crisis. If a fall occurs, hospitalization or medical emergency, everyone will be stressed and rush into making a decision.

Talk about the future of life, if possible, before it's needed. Discuss jobs they hope to have, their health objectives, and the kind of assistance they might need as they grow up.

When speaking in a dialogue, not an order, it can help to minimize resistance.

The focus should be on benefits rather than on limitations.

While it's okay to mention the struggles your parent is going through, it can be easy to focus on the things your parent can no longer do, which can lead your parent to feel protective.

Instead, you should concentrate on the good thing about assisted living. For example:

• Increased opportunities for socialisation
• The ability to get support daily if required,
• Reduced household responsibilities
• Food and laundry.
• Improved safety and security
• Knowing how to access, wellbeing programs and activities

Assisted living facilities often end up providing seniors with the freedom to live life to the fullest without having to worry about keeping up a home or caring for themselves day to day.

Involve Them in the Decision-Making Process

Nobody has enjoyed being forced to make a dramatic change in life. Have your parent participate in all aspects of the decision making process, where possible.

Allow them to:

• Research communities
• Visit different locations
• Ask questions
• Compare options
• Express preferences

If seniors believe they're in control of the decision, they are more likely to entertain an assisted living placement.

Share Specific Examples

Instead of being general, you'll want to pick specific instances where you might want to provide more support.

For example:

• Difficulty managing medications
• Recurrent falls or disability due to mobility problems
• Missed appointments
• Trouble preparing meals
• Increasing isolation
• Inability to keep the home in good condition

If you can use examples you know the parents will be able to understand your concerns without feeling criticized.

Please seek professional assistance.

Parents are sometimes more open to the suggestions of a trusted professional than of a family member. An objective recommendation can be given by a doctor, social worker, geriatric care manager or senior living advisor based on your parent's needs.

A healthcare professional might be able to help them understand how assisted living can help them to remain as independent as possible and still healthy and safe.

Make an appointment to see together.

It's surprising how many elders don't have the idea of what assisted living is like today. In today's communities, private apartments, social gatherings, fitness and exercises, restaurants and dining and buzzed-about social settings might be provided.

A community visit can assist to overcome fear and make it familiar. Instruct parent to visit facility, interact with residents and participate in activities, if possible.

When your perception is changed by seeing happy and active residents, that is better than talking.

Be patient and have multiple conversations.

Relocating to assisted living isn't something that is readily done by any person after one conversation. This is a decision with big feelings and changes in your life.

Don't rush for a response, give your parent time to absorb information. Follow up the discussion over the course of weeks or months, as needed.

Patience demonstrates respect and gives them the opportunity to come to their own conclusions.

Avoid Power Struggles

If you raise an argument or say ultimatums, there is more resistance. Saying "You have to move" or "You can't live here anymore" can make senior citizens feel powerless and defensive.

Rather, put emphasis on language of partnership:

• “Why, I'm sorry I'm not at ease about your safety.
• What can we do to help you?
• What assistance would make you feel comfortable?
• Let's Discuss options together.

It can make a big difference to maintain a collaborative discussion.

Keep in mind that this is a transitional time emotionally.

Moving out of a family home is a major transition for many seniors, marking the end of many years of memories, routines and independence. The emotional toll can be great, even if assisted living is the best option.

Be sympathetic during the process. Listen to their emotions, highlight the good things about the move and remind them that they will retain some choices and independence.

Final Thoughts

It's not always a matter of winning an argument when it comes to convincing a parent to move to assisted living. It's all about supporting them to look at how extra support can help them to live their best lives and maintain their dignity and independence.

Families can help create a smoother transition by listening to their concerns, engaging them in decisions, talking about benefits, and taking a patient approach to the conversation. Although it might take time, long-term communication and understanding can yield positive results for all involved.