How Losing My Job And My Baby Made Me See The World Differently

Never could I have fathomed that within a span of mere months, I would be stripped of all that I held dear. Never could I have imagined that I would be forced to confront the most excruciating and arduous trials of my existence. Never could I have anticipated that I would have to begin anew, from the very beginning.

Yet, such is the cruel reality that befell me.

It all started when my occupation slipped through my grasp. I had been employed as a distinguished engineer in a pioneering tech conglomerate, basking in a comfortable salary and reveling in a stable career. Years of tireless effort had led me to this pinnacle, and I took immense pride in my accomplishments. I believed I had everything meticulously mapped out.

Then, the pandemic arrived, wreaking havoc on the economy and forcing the company's hand to downsize. Hundreds of employees, including myself, were deemed expendable. I was left dumbfounded and shattered. My identity, security, and future seemed to evaporate before my eyes.

I endeavored to secure another job, but the path ahead was treacherous. The job market was oversaturated, given my senior executive roles I have been involved in, with scarce opportunities presenting themselves. I applied to numerous companies, only to realize the positions were really not intended for my vast experience. Despondency and helplessness seeped into my being.

Depression and anxiety soon crept in, enveloping me in their suffocating embrace. I found myself losing interest in everything, withdrawing from society, and neglecting my well-being and my wife. Faith in myself and my life began to erode.

I believed that matters could not possibly deteriorate any further.

But, alas, they did.

One fateful day, as I languished on the couch, wallowing in self-pity and fixated on the television screen, my wife returned from work. Her countenance was pallid and filled with worry. She conveyed that she had something of utmost importance to share with me.

She revealed that she carried new life within her womb.

The shock and elation that coursed through me were indescribable. I struggled to comprehend the enormity of the news. Our attempts to conceive had proven fruitless for an extended period, and our hopes had dwindled to the brink of extinction. Yet now, we were graced with an unexpected miracle.

We clung to one another, engaging in a fervent embrace, as tears of profound joy streamed down our faces. Gratitude overflowed from the depths of our souls, offered up to the divine for this wondrous blessing. A surge of hope and excitement surged through our beings.

We decided to keep the gender and name of our forthcoming child a secret, cherishing the element of surprise. We believed it would enhance the joy and make the experience all the more extraordinary.

Preparations for our precious one's arrival commenced. We procured garments, toys, books, and furniture. The nursery was adorned with neutral hues, creating an ambiance of serenity. We delved into literature and articles on pregnancy and parenting, attending doctor's appointments and eagerly anticipating ultrasound scans.

We beheld our baby's visage, their delicate fingers and tiny toes. We listened to their heartbeat, felt their kicks and hiccups. Their movements, their presence, their nascent life resonated within us.

We fell irrevocably in love with our unborn child.

They became our raison d'être.

They became the beacon illuminating our darkest hours.

They became our hope for the future.

We believed that nothing could surpass this euphoria.

Yet, our hopes were dashed.

On a day when we were preparing for the joyous celebration of our approaching parenthood, an ominous disturbance seized our attention. My wife complained of a searing pain in her lower abdomen. She revealed that she had not felt the baby's movement for an extended duration.

Panic set in, propelling us to rush to the hospital. Physicians examined her and hastily conducted an emergency ultrasound.

Their words pierced our souls like a thousand knives.

Our precious baby was gone.

They had perished due to natural causes.

Stillness enveloped the room.

The doctors expressed their condolences, acknowledging the futility of their efforts.

We were once again left stupefied and devastated. It felt as though we had been robbed of everything once more. We were left with an overwhelming sense of failure.

The desire to join our departed child in the realm beyond became almost unbearable.

But we persisted.

We endured.

We thrived.

We learned.

We evolved.

We changed.

We came to the realization that life is fickle and capricious. That nothing is assured or permanent. That in the blink of an eye, everything can be transformed.

We discovered the preciousness and splendor of existence. Every aspect is a gift and a miracle. Each of which, holds a profound meaning and purpose.

We uncovered the revelation that existence is not about acquiring or embodying more. That existence is not about wealth or triumph or renown or validation.

Existence is about cherishing what you possess and who you are. Existence is about relishing in the humble delights of life: the daybreak in the morn, the twilight in the eve, the constellations at night; the raindrops cascading on the window, the snowflakes carpeting the ground; the avian creatures soaring through the heavens; the gentle breeze caressing your visage; the coziness of your bed; the solace of your abode; the camaraderie of your kin; the company of your comrades; the affection of your partner; the vitality within your soul. Existence is about dwelling in the present: being mindful of your musings; being cognizant of your emotions; being attentive to your senses; being receptive to your encounters; being inquisitive about your surroundings; being inventive with your notions; being compassionate with yourself and others; being genuine with your expression; being valiant with your endeavors; being hopeful with your aspirations. Existence is about electing to be euphoric: being sanguine; being hopeful; being resilient; being pliable; being adaptable; being resourceful; being proactive; being solution-oriented; being growth-minded; being purpose-driven. Existence is about discovering felicity within yourself: being content; being gratified; being fulfilled; being serene; being tranquil; being serene; being jubilant; being beatific; being ecstatic. Existence is a state of cognizance, a state of sentiment, a state of being. Existence is an enigma that we had ultimately comprehended and acquired the capacity to appreciate in a myriad of ways.

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Original story (created by me) published on Medium.com. Any changes and/or updates that have been added on Vocal.media are for content consumption purposes.

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