How Do Single Parents Do It?

This post is a bit of a rant, a bit of an apology, and a bit of a request for help.

Most of you know that I have a bright, cheerful, and energetic 15-month-old at home.

I call him many silly nicknames that you don't know about, ranging from "Sederini", (which translates to "Mr. Tushies" because he loves running around in his birth suit) to "Tortellino" (A type of stuffed pasta because he is my nummy nummy boy), but you might know him as my "little guy".

I love him in ways that I haven't found words to describe (and not for lack of trying!), and holding him gives me the feeling that everything in the world is finally at peace: any and all pain in my life had a purpose.

It's amazing, really, what hormones will do to you.

Some of you might also be aware that my partner has recently gotten a better job position, which is quite awesome. We will soon have the financial breathing room that we've been waiting for and saving for so long.

We might see my family twice a year.

We might get a car with air conditioning.

Heck, we might even finally get married!

Lots of amazing, life-changing news on our horizon... but this new job position also means that he needs to work from the office most days of the week. So most days of the week, I'm home alone with the little guy.

There is fierce competition for Dutch kindergartens.

The authorities advise you to book your spot as soon as you get a positive pregnancy test.

We didn't listen.

It was great in the first months, when I lived for my little one and felt almost merged with him. It was mostly good when I started working a little bit on the side, a project here, a project there, a post or two a week on this platform, while my partner was still at home.

But now that he is gone most of the day, most days of the week, and I remember how much I loved to write and read and would very much like to focus on making something of it, I don't feel ok.

I want to have more time for myself.

I want to have the time to read more stories, to learn more things, to practice more genres, to work on one of the books that has been cluttering my brain. I want to feel like there is some purpose to me other than being a mother and a partner... and I want to take care of myself too. I want to go for a run in the morning and lift a few weights that are not a 13kg crying toddler (that's 29 pounds for my American friends).

I even find myself pining for the days I could clean my bathroom!

Nothing in this house has been properly cleaned since we moved in, when I was heavily pregnant and crippled by severe carpal tunnel syndrome. But the little guy cannot go to kindergarten for another two months.

It was supposed to be September, but they called today announcing that they needed another month.

I will go nuts.

Well, I won't. Because I can't.

But I am very frustrated.

If you've read this far, thank you for letting me vent. Now to the apology part.

I am really struggling to balance writing/reading/answering comments on this platform.

There are a few thoughtful comments that have been sitting there for many days (weeks even?) that I want to answer, but I keep postponing because something comes up, and the little guy's nap is not long enough, or I'm struggling to submit my entry to a challenge before the deadline, or the washing machine needs running and dinner needs making.

And I want to give those comments an equally thoughtful response and check out some of the commenter's work, connect with them in a more meaningful way than the "thanks, bye" I have time for.

And I'm sorry for running late in announcing the challenge winners. I want to give each entry a little description and a little moment to shine, but I don't have time for it... or, on days like today, the brain power.

My little guy decided that Mama doesn't need more than 5 hours of sleep, and it's ok if it is broken sleep. He forgot to consult me about it, though.

So now I'm struggling to focus on anything that is more than this rant. I scrambled together my challenge submission during his nap, but that's about all I had in me for today.

And now I feel so tired.

How do you, single parents, do it? How do you manage to balance your job and giving attention to your children? How do you keep going despite the pain, the lack of sleep, and the constant broken focus?

How do you manage to use the toilet without a little hand trying to grab and eat the toilet paper or the child smacking the door while crying his eyes out?

Where do you find the time to be yourselves?

I'm not just expressing my admiration. I do admire all of you. You are frigging super people.

But I'm also humbly asking for your practical advice.

How do you all do it?