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Hate

For the rest of our lives.

By Tyrone LivingstonPublished 3 years ago 9 min read
1
Hate
Photo by Richard Gatley on Unsplash

I hate him! Every time I walk out there and see him it brings my blood to a boil. He walks around here with his head held up high and his chest pumped out. He has no regard for what he has done to me. It's not fair. Not only has he destroyed my life but now I have to see him everyday. It drives me crazy. Now logic and common sense tells me that this can't be the case but my mind tells me otherwise. My mind tells me that he knows everything that he's done to me. My mind tells me that he's taunting me everyday.

Every time I walk out there he looks me right in the eye. In my mind he's saying "I got you! I won!" He sees my pain and he relishes in the fact that he's the one who caused it. He's an evil beast. It really upsets me that he gets away with it too. All of the fans that I used to have love him now. They don't care about me. They don't care about what has happened to me. They don't care about how I feel. All they care about now is him. I've failed, I'm done. He's the hero. I can never be the same again. I'm a disgrace.

He gets to be proud for the rest of his life. He gets to walk around with his head held high. People come to see him. They praise him and clap for him. They give him flowers. They love him. They don't even look my way. I walk out and no one even acknowledges me. They don't even know who I am.

My own brother loves him. Why wouldn't he? That's why he raised him isn't it? That's why he brought him up to be mean and strong. I had always thought that he had done it for me. That it was supposed to be for my triumph. That it was going to be my greatest victory. I was going to be the hero. I was going to make my family proud. I was going to be the greatest. Now I look at my brother and I see the truth. I see my brother out there with him now. How close he gets to him. How he smiles with him. Sometimes he even gets to touch him. I cannot ever touch him. I can't even get close to him without a snarl. Although I despise him I still get jealous. I still feel like I'm the one that he should love. I've known him just as long as my brother has. I'm also not the one that has lied to him his entire life.

Yeah my brother raised him but it wasn't like they've formed a bond or anything. He wasn't allowed to bond with him. He wasn't allowed to be around people at all really. Besides that, I'm pretty sure that my brother never told him what his purpose was. I'm sure he never told him what he was raising him to do. On the other hand, he always knew my intentions. Every time that he saw me, I was in costume. He saw my beautiful colors. He knew that I had a sword. He's seen through the huge windows of my trophy room. The room that used to house all of my honor and pride. The room that's now empty to hide my shame. The room that had all of the costumes and trophies. The room that had all of the pictures and of course the ears hanging on the wall. He knew exactly who I was. He knew exactly what I was about. He knew what I was planning to do to him. So why when it's all over and he was clearly the victor would he choose to befriend my brother?

As I look at them right now the answer becomes clear. My brother was not the liar that I thought he was. My brother did form a bond with him. My brother told him the truth. My brother told him what was to become of him. My brother told him what his destiny was to be. Then he told him how to change it. I had always thought that my brother had been preparing him for me. I thought that my brother was trying to help me attain my greatest victory and now I realize my brother was on his side. After all of this time I realize he was preparing him, not to be my greatest victory but my greatest defeat!

I love my brother. I often felt bad about my jealously of him. Now I realize that it was his jealousy of me that has destroyed my life. Maybe he wanted to be the star? Maybe he wanted to be the one to carry on the family name? Maybe that's why he told him the secret? If he couldn't carry on the family name then no one could. I thought he raised him to help me continue our family's legacy. Now I know that he raised him to make sure that I've disgraced it! I hate him! My brother loves him. My fans love him. Even people that do not know him love him and hate me. They feel sorry for him. They say that it's cruel for me to defeat him. Now that it's all over, where is my love? Where is my sympathy? He's defeated me and no one cares. Everyday I have to see him and I hate him! That's what my mind tells me. My heart loves him so much.

I hate him! Every time he comes out here I get a fire in my belly. That's why I make sure to remind him. I strut my stuff. I poke out my chest, and hold my head up high as I can get it. I know that I can't actually tell him but I know that he knows. I look him right in his eyes and I can see the pain. I know that he knows. I say it every time without saying a single word. "I got you! I won!"

I have destroyed him and I don't care. He used to walk around here like royalty, head held high. Now he walks with his head down. Sad, like he wants to cry. I used to see all of the people come here for him. Shouting his name. All of the beautiful women, all of the children. Now all of the people come here for me. Now they chant my name. They throw flowers over the gate for me. It's like they don't even know him anymore.

I know that it especially hurts him when his brother comes out. That's why I let him get close to me. Sometimes I even allow him to touch me. I know that drives him crazy. That's why I do it. I don't really like his brother though. I don't quite hate him but he's not my friend. He raised me to be strong. He told me that he couldn't get close to me or allow me to be around other people because I had to be the strongest that I could be. I thought that he really cared about me. I thought that he wanted me to be strong because he loved me. I thought that he wanted me to be the best that I could be. He didn't though. He was simply grooming me for a destiny that he told me nothing about. I was angry with him for a long time. There was a point in my life where I hated him for that, but now it's different. I can tell that he's happy that I didn't get the fate that was intended for me. That's not enough for me to love him, but I have forgiven him. On the other hand I always knew what the brother's intentions were. He had let it be known loud and clear what he had planned for me. He always came out in those fancy costumes of his and looked at me with that smug ass smirk.

I could see through those huge glass windows and right into that trophy room of his. I could see all of the trophies, awards, and pictures. The main thing that motivated me were the ears. I could clearly see the ears hanging there. I knew what kind of ears they were. I knew where they came from. I knew that eventually he was going to try and kill me. I knew that it was his intention to have my ears hanging on that wall. I guess I developed a little bit of respect of him for that. All of those things gave me a chance to prepare. Based on the costumes and the pictures I knew that it was some kind of show. That I was going to get a chance to defend myself in some kind of way. That's when I realized why his brother wanted me strong. He wanted me to be a formidable opponent. He wanted his brother to have a spectacle. He wanted his brother to have a great victory.

So I made sure that as strong as he wanted me to be I would be stronger. I would be faster. I was going to give myself the best chance that I had to win. I had fully prepared my mind and body and in the end I was victorious and my life was spared. I was then allowed to come back here and live out the rest of my life. Now they even occasionally bring me a woman to enjoy. I'm living my best life and he's miserable.

Sometimes I do feel a little sorrow for him. He lost his fans. He lost his pride. He walks around with his head down. Then I walk past that room. Even though everything is gone now I still remember what was there. Where was the sorrow for the ones that came before me? The ones whose ears used to hang on that wall. The ones that didn't win. The ones who fulfilled the destiny that they were raised for. Perhaps they were my ancestors. Maybe one of them was my father or grandfather. I've heard him speak of his family's legacy. Where was my family? Was their legacy to have their ears hung on that wall? He killed them and was praised for it. He became a star at the expense of their lives and no one cared. Everyday I have to see him and I hate him! That's what my mind tells me. My heart loves him so much.

Everyday they see each other. Everyday the fire inside of them ignites. They both know that their journey is over. One was the victor and the other suffered a crushing defeat. There will be no redemption. No rematch! They both will live the rest of their lives as they are. Everyday they look at each other and they remember, They remember what they used to be. The Champion pardoned Bull and the defeated Bull fighter!

immediate family
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About the Creator

Tyrone Livingston

My name is Tyrone Livingston. I was born, raised and currently still reside in Philadelphia. I'm the host of the Lisper Podcast and I've written three books(published on amazon kdp)

https://anchor.fm/tyrone-livingston

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