Growing Up Without A Mom

What does it mean to grow up without a Mom?

Let me share my story with you...

When I was still in my mother's womb, my parents were in the process of getting divorced. My father was a...lets just say someone who loved to blow money that he didn't have OR at least that's what I was told as I got older. My father was not there when I was born and was only there once in awhile, we will get into that later. After I was born, my parents went to court for custody, initially my mother lost custody of myself and my two siblings. My father told the court that my mother was unfit and my father was awarded full custody of myself and my siblings. This intern destroyed my mother and put her into severe depression and anxiety over loosing her children. Down the line my mother got out of her depression and went back to court. She was awarded custody of my sister, since she was suffering from seizures. My father still had custody of myself and my brother. As I got older, my father reached out to his sisters, telling them he couldn't take care of me. At that point in time, my aunts (his sisters) became my guardians and raised me as their own. Once this had taken place, my mother remarried and moved to Georgia with my half brother and my sister, leaving me here with my relatives. I felt so lost and abandoned. I was surrounded by people who loved me and only wanted the best for me, but I always felt like a piece of me was missing. A part of me did blame myself, I always asked myself why, was I not good enough? was I a bad child? did she not love me? All the questions a young growing girl thinks about. As I got older, she was still a part of my life to the best of her ability. She called me once a month, sent me gifts on special holidays. She did try to be a part of my life, but that wasn't enough. I also had a little resentment towards her for leaving me. I also started building resentment towards my sister. Did she love her more? Was she more important? Did she have something that I didn't? I would have traded spaces with her in a heart beat. My sister and I were living two different lives, as her life wasn't always easy, mine was given to me on a silver platter. My family gave me everything I ever wanted (asian family), it was their way of showing love and only wanting me to have everything to make up for my mother not being around. Growing up I thought that was awesome, duh I was a child. I did have an easy life, I had everything given to me. I never had to work for anything. Down the line, my sister became jealous and resentful, I had everything she wanted, but the only thing I wanted was my mother, which she had. I would always tell her I would trade places with you in a heartbeat, just to have one day with my mother. In our early childhood years, it took it's toll and eventually, we stopped talking to each other...

Now, that is the story I was told my entire life, sounds like a typical divorce right? However, that is not exactly what happened...more details in my next post...