Grief

With this post I want to talk about grief. Does grief ever get easier? In a short answer, no. It really doesn't. I believe people just develop coping mechanisms in which they can deal with it slightly easier.

I was meant to write this post at the end of February but once again life got in the way, and this week just gone I spent it with my family and my fiancé's family. We had an amazing time and it was lovely to see family again, especially in this new year, as the last time we saw family was in November and December. I now also feel sorry for the Southerners I work with as I will now be more Northern for about a month. But the fun now begins for me, because I get to confuse the hell out of everyone!

I write this now as on 24th February it would have been my Grandad's birthday. Every year I write on social media about him having a heavenly birthday, and try not to get too upset because I know he would be laughing at me, and my family. Four days later on 28th February it was 4 years since my fiancé's Grandad passed away. This is where I grieve for my fiancé as he is very stiff lipped when it comes to things like this. I have actually only ever see him cry twice in our 5 years together, and one of them was quite rightly at his Grandad's funeral. I don't have many memories of his Grandad, as we were away at University for the time. One of the things I remember from the first time I met him was he joked about how wedding bells wouldn't be too far behind for me and my fiancé even though we had only been together a few months. I straight away panicked and looked at my fiancé who laughed at his Grandad's joke. I believe my Grandad would have said something similar.

If anybody has read my poem Home, I would like to tell you now I wrote that at University about his Nan and Grandad. His Grandad was from Sri Lanka and they got married at a time when it was frowned up on for a white person to marry a black person. His Nan lost a lot, but gained so much more in the family they built. It was truly an inspiration to hear their struggles and how they came out stronger on the other side.

When we were up North last week we obviously went to visit and every time we are there I always look at the empty armchair where his Grandad used to sit. This echoes so much from when my Grandad first passed away, my Nana wouldn't go near it or put anything on it or move it in any way. This was the same for his Grandad's chair. It remained just as bare as mine.

I think Grandparents are a glue that hold families together. They are a generation that teaches us, as well as our parents. It makes me sad to see grandchildren nowadays who go out with their grandparents and are more preoccupied with technologies than actually spending time with their grandparents. I don't know if you feel the same when you see this. If they knew what it was like to lose a grandparent, I bet they would sit back and pay attention to the true treasure that's in front of them.

On my bad days I sit and think about all the things I would say to my Grandad and do with him. We'd sit and watch Wigan Warriors play, or watch Laurel and Hardy and set the world to rights, or talk about art and drawing and painting.

Grief is something that never gets easier, we just learn how to cope with it better. On milestones, I do internally grieve however I only dwell for a moment because I know that my Grandad would be upset to see me upset.

If you would like to read Home, follow the link below:

https://vocal.media/poets/home-5