Grief can strike at any moment

I am finding that since my husband passed away that writing about aspects my experiences is the best therapy. I can share what I am dealing with and hopefully help someone else who may find themselves in this unfortunate situation. I have been blessed to have people calling and checking on me and my daughter and grandchildren spending extra time with me. I know that there are benefits to counseling sessions but I also must face a harsh reality. There will be moments when the pain of grief will randomly show its ugly head and all I will be able to do is bear it.

I saw a couple in the park with their grandchildren and realized my spouse will never be with his playground posse again in this life. I took a deep breath and made it without tears. A few hours later my oldest son said he was going to cookout on his grill and I lost it. I remembered how on July 4th my husband and I had sat on the back porch as he was enjoying a steak cooked on the grill for his birthday. I realized in the moment I would never cook out with my husband again and I began to cry. My husband enjoyed his Fourth of July birthday.

I recall earlier that day he sat on the bed and smiled so happily as our children and grandchildren brought him their gifts. I teased him that he thought he was the king of beasts on Fathers Day and his birthday. Writing about this seems surreal as I still cannot believe he is gone. I understand that those who are not grieving a loved one will not be able to feel the intense pain that I describing. Other widows have been reaching out to me and this is not a club O desire to belong to. I’ve been asked to join meetings online but none of that will stop the hurt in my heart.

There are going to be moments when I feel OK and others when I go through the pain of loss. Nothing said in a counseling session or shared by other grieving wives will stop the hurt when it comes. My children and grandchildren are reminders of what I shared with my spouse. For me, spending additional time with them will only keep the pain fresh.Someone else might find comfort in doing things with loved ones and friends or taking on new activities. Some widows may decide to fate and marry again. These are all personal choices but they are not mine.

My Years ago I process that I no longer had a church family, coworkers, neighbors or girlfriends I hung out with. I understood that should my husband pass away before me that I would not have other things in place to keep me busy. He was my best friend for 45 years and I have no desire to find another. I told him over and over that I would never remarry should he pass first and not would I take a lover. These are my personal choices and no one should try to change my mind.Grieving widows have the right to choose their own path as they see fit.

I know 2 men who remarried within 6 months of their wives passing away. Both were looked at harshly and criticized by family and friends. They should have been left alone because it was their personal decision. It did not invalidate their previous marriages but simply meant they were ready to move on. Perhaps some move on quickly because they desire to stop the pain associated with their first spouses death.Thetr may be those who really fall in love again but others might be attempting to stop those random moments of grief.

One man told me that he remarried 3 years after his wife of 34 years died but he never forgot his first love. I will never say never but at this time I don’t see myself going to grief counseling or trying to date again.It’s all I can do right now to get through the random moments of grief that strike unexpectedly. I’m preparing to brace myself for holidays and other special occasions but there is just no way to have an advance warning for the mourning that strikes out of nowhere.