Grief and Mourning

Recently, I lost someone very close to me, and I’m not the best person when it comes to dealing with death. This has always been a subject that has made me uncomfortable. I hate seeing people die on television, and even if I don’t know them, I usually feel sad and sometimes cry for those that they left behind.

However, for some reason, this time it was different. When my grandfather passed away, I felt some sort of uncanny comfort that he was okay. Despite his humorous personality, he had always been a religious man, and he had been more accepting of others than most people that I knew. He had his quirks, but he dedicated his whole life to his family, and he worked hard for everything that he had.

On the day that he passed away, I left only ten minutes before he left us, and my entire family was worried about how I would deal with it. Nevertheless, though I was sad that he had gone, there was this feeling like he was still with me. I don’t know how to explain it. It’s a weird sense of confidence that I never had with anyone else that I knew that passed away, but I just felt like he was okay.

Now, before his death, a cardinal had been visiting my porch, and weeks before that, he had told me that it was his time, so maybe, I already had the signs that I required to know what was going to happen. Nevertheless, it made me look at my own faith. I have always believed in God, and I have always had this thought that He created each and every one of us to be original. I figured that His personality must be so versatile that he gave a little of Himself to each human on Earth. Knowing that or believing that, however you want to interpret this information has made it easier to create a relationship with Him, so maybe, that’s where my confidence during this time came from.

Along with my feelings and faith, I noticed how others in my family reacted. It was like a little part of them had been taken, and you could see the distress in their nonverbal gestures. Paying attention to those around me is how I learned that everyone deals with grief differently. Now, I had heard that saying before, but until you literally see everyone individually acting different, it doesn’t hit home.

I wanted to do the best that I could to comfort each and every person, but it was difficult as everyone had different requirements. It seems like when people go through this type of thing, they realize different things. One person may realize that they are now in the role of the patriarch of the family, and he may wonder if he can live up to that legacy. Another person may be thinking about how it would be if he or she lost his or her spouse and may begin to appreciate his or her relationship more. Then, there might be that person that will begin to pine for a relationship, so he or she doesn’t have to be alone.

With all of these different reactions and the individual feelings that people are dealing with, it may be difficult for them to understand each other, and it could cause a tear in the family’s dynamic. However, I feel like if you step back and pay attention to each person, you will see how they are feeling and maybe why they are dealing with things the way they are.

It is important not to point fingers or be rude to each other during times like this. Families need to stick together, and sometimes, just opening up about how you feel or listening to another person vent can keep the family alive. This is something that we will all have to go through at some point, and though it breaks my heart thinking about that truth, I think that if someone has the strength to empathize with another person that is going through the same situation and make them feel better, they will leave something worthwhile behind and create a positive, more compassionate example for the next generation.