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Gasping for air

COVID Family Challenges

By Lorraine Lawton-BerryPublished 4 years ago 4 min read
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Gasping for Air

I think at points and particularly this year with the changes COVID-19 has brought to our lives that many of us have felt like this for similar & different reasons. I know I have certainly felt like this many times, been overwhelmed by the moment, the pressure building up so much that I have slammed doors, thrown things across the room, made funny animal noises to get the stress out, screamed and shouted. Yes this is not to say I’ve totally loved other moments it’s certainly been a tale of 2 halves, being with my babies and step children having the time to adventure with them; chase sun sets, jump in puddles, explore woods and run on beaches. All of that has been completely delightful and given me some of the best days of my life. But this blog is about those points when your chest gets tight and you are struggling for air as you assess the challenges in front of you... dogs poo by the kids play area in the garden, smashed glass in the lounge, eldest son needing help with his maths and never being able to fit in that one to one you promise to make cookies with you step daughter. You pause, grab the dustpan and brush and get back to it. Knowing you will face the same thing again maybe that day, or it might be tomorrow if you are lucky. It’s a merry go around. Emotionally I never seem to meet anyone’s needs and I know that’s ok but it hurts to hear my eldest son telling me I don’t put him first knowing that he is right because he is bigger he can wait that hour for me to trouble shoot all these urgent things before I get to him. He feels unimportant and unloved. I explain & think of solutions to make him feel better. He’s also the one that senses my stress and anxiety before I do and can say mum just lie down for 5 mins and listen to your favourite song, you’ll feel better. Bless him, he’s also the son that can be mean and spiteful to his step dad and sisters, not understanding because I love them to I don’t love him less. This year we also got our lovely puppy Lexi, perfect timing in so many ways and she has been so good for us all but sometimes and I feel desperately bad for saying this I do struggle with the constraints that she imposes on me, the additional mess, stress and admin. Someone else to look after and love, it can spread me thin. The loss of freedom in an already busy life. She’s also got used to us all being home and so it’s horrid having to leave her to wine and cry which she does even if we are out for such a short time. But my word the unconditional love we all get in return and the wonderful adventures we have had all across our Island paradise. I know she is a factor which has tipped me over the edge on occasions but I love her so much. I know I knew how our lives would change with her and I wouldn’t change it for the world. I know to many it looks like this year has been a jolly holiday and in ways it has been, I’ve never had such a good tan in adulthood but behind the scenes there are points I have drowned, bills to juggle that you only get around to at 2am in the morning, forms to fill in to get the financial help you need but requiring documents to be uploaded putting another barrier in the way, contracts to win and jobs to find. But the blessing for me has been to have such wonderful friends and family where we catch each other at these burn out points, love each other unconditionally, are kind to each other, listen and don’t judge, listen without providing solutions unless asked. I wouldn’t have survived without those people and it’s given me the fire in my belly to carry on, the permission to have that bubble bath guilt free but most of all it has kept ‘Loz’ alive when I have drowned in laundry and the like. This morning I cherish the early morning, my time, my space, my sanctuary! I feel blessed to have this little break before the chaos of another fabulous day in paradise begins. I end with when you are grasping for air, reach out... to me, to your neighbour, to your friend, your family as those helping hands will enable you to breath deeply again and know you are not alone! So find your rope to cling onto and offer a rope to others as well to grab hold of #Covid19Challenges #FamilyLife #TakeaBreak #Friends #family #itsoktonotbeokay

immediate family
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About the Creator

Lorraine Lawton-Berry

Hi I am Loz, I live on the Isle of Wight and like writing poems as a hobby x

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