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Friendship is friendship, do not impose too many obligations to friends

A friend's help has nothing to do with obligation

By Fra TushaPublished about a year ago 5 min read
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Friendship is friendship, do not impose too many obligations to friends
Photo by Joel Muniz on Unsplash

Recently, Koko wrote me privately to complain about her friend's lack of affection.

This is just a conversation with her, in her message, in addition to sadness, the most used word is "should have". Many people have experienced the sadness of Xiao Guoguo.

However, we do not know what kind of things happened between the two of them, whether Xiaoguo has helped Siya too little, or Siya owes Xiaoguo a debt of love. However, through the "should have" in the words of Xiao Guoguo, I feel that Xiao Guoguo is also to blame for the breakup of this friendship, because she has imposed too many obligations on this friendship.

When a friendship, the development of too many obligations, then, it is not far from rupture.

Friends

2 What is an obligation

The word "obligation" has two meanings when understood literally.

One is the legal obligation.

It is a legal obligation to do something that someone should have to do to someone, written to the letter of the law. For example, parents must support their children. And when parents are old and senile, children also have to have the obligation to support, which is written into the legal provisions. If you do not do so, you will be severely punished by the law.

Another meaning is to give without expecting anything in return.

For example, certain celebrities' charity shows, or certain public figures' donations, also reflect the public figure's obligation to give back to society.

03 Friends' help, not related to the obligation

Then for friends, their help is mostly for two things.

One is "love". Friends for a long time, each other formed a kind of emotional basis, in your time of difficulty, each other for emotional reasons, if not to help you, will be condemned by conscience. Therefore, he will lend you a helping hand.

The other is "profit". This kind of friend is very much, especially in today's society, more so. Many times, a friend whether to help you, she considers not the emotional factor, but the next step is whether you can help him, if your value and strength are large enough for her, she will be willing to help you, because to help you at the same time, is also helping themselves.

If you do not have a certain strength, but a worthless small staff, then, others will be very scarce help, this help is often from the investment point of view, are a basket of water is empty, which is a failed investment strategy.

Therefore, based on the definition of "obligation", plus friends help you, either for love or for profit. So, in the two comparisons, friends simply do not have the obligation to help you. If you don't help, it becomes a kind of duty, to help you, speaking of love and profit, no friend's help should be a share.

04 Even if a friend does not help you, you should not blame

If friends did not help you, you'd better not complain and resent each other, because, friends are also another self, which has their blame themselves.

In the interaction with friends, they encountered difficulties. If your friend did not help you, you should not go to blame. After all, it is hard to meet people, and if you can become a friend, it is a rare fate. If you want to keep the relationship from breaking up because of this embarrassment, do two things

One is not to put resentment on your face, even if you have some blaming emotions inside for your friend, don't show it.

Let friends see, will make friends feel that you are the person calculating, between you will produce suspicion and profit rift, if also as a usual warm treatment of friends, friends will instead be touched by your broadmindedness.

Secondly, do not criticize friends behind their backs. Help is a kind of love, do not help, is also a friend of nature.

There is no need to go behind the friend's back to criticize what the friend has done when you know, paper can not cover the fire, there are ears through the wall. If, accidentally spread to the ears of their friends, will inevitably affect the feelings between them. Because of this small matter, so that friends stand against you, and more than one enemy on the road of life, it is not worth the loss.

05 life's greatest reliance on themselves

Many people will impose a lot of obligations on friends, hoping that friends in their difficult times to help themselves, which is the whole hope of their lives bet on the body of others. The formation of this obligation also indicates that you are not self-sufficient and always like to live on crutches.

Want to not impose more obligations on friends, it is more important that we become their own rely on, to improve their strength, ability, and potential, so that they are strong and become a life can rely on that tree:

1, enhance their strength.

Let yourself become your dependence, strength is indispensable, in today's society, is to store a certain amount of money. Because, of many difficulties in life 99% are related to money, and 1% of the problems also have an indirect relationship with money.

You have a certain amount of reserves inside your pocket, and no matter what difficulties you encounter, you have the strength to solve, them and will not encounter difficulties, because of the lack of money and stretched, around the wall.

2、Improve your ability.

Become your dependent is to build their own main business, which is your value, but also their foundation.

For example, in the company, to make the work recognized by the boss and colleagues, through hard work, more excellent in the group. When you encounter risks, you have the foundation to resist them. For those who daydream all day and do nothing, a gust of wind of life will blow them down.

3, tap your potential.

Do not confine yourself to a comfort zone. When a person pursues stability, often can not achieve stability. Because, when you set the goal of stability, life is always to bottom out.

We must learn to explore our potential, and constantly develop ourselves, so that we can run the main business at the same time, but also have a side business in doing, so that their lives are not only stable but also pursue excellence and quality. In this way, your life can form a buffer zone from the high line to the bottom line, so that you do not immediately fall into a crisis when there is a risk.

06

Do not impose too many obligations to friends, no one to help you should be part of, because, no legal provisions, friends to help you is love, do not help you is also a kind of nature, can not expect friends always give us help.

In our life, want to own life smoothly, can not completely put hope and rely on the body of friends. Instead, you should rely on yourself to the maximum extent possible, you need to do 3 things.

Enhance their strength, improve their ability, and tap their potential.

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About the Creator

Fra Tusha

stay hungry, stay foolish.

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