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Forgive Your Parents

They're only human.

By SEWI .Published 5 years ago 6 min read
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My Mum & Dad 

Life does not come with a book of instructions on how to raise a child. It's fascinating to me how one imperfect human is expected to raise another imperfect human.

I believe that our parents don't raise us. The world does. We do. Life will teach us the most important lessons. No matter what your parents taught you, there will be a time where you'll need to raise yourself.

To some, having a mother and a father is very important, and to others it means absolutely nothing. In that exact same way, to some, having a son, a daughter or children means the world to them and then you have others that don't even acknowledge it.

I was very blessed to have amazing parents, unfortunately, not everybody can say that. And, it's extremely difficult to move forward in life without parental guidance.

My biological dad has already passed away, and he wasn't very present in my life after I turned six years old. But, the little memories I have from him are beautiful, I remember him treating me like a little princess, teaching me how to read, write and play musical instruments. He was a very intelligent man, and even wrote books. Maybe that's why I'm into writing now. He had 10 children. Truth is, my dad failed most of the expectations we had for a father figure. For reasons only he knows. It's sad, but a lot of people grow up without a father figure. My dad was my first love and he broke my heart when he stopped calling and visiting me.

See this is the thing, when it comes to raising a child. Parents can only teach you what they know and think is right. And sometimes they don't know much, unfortunately. If some knew better they would do better! Some just can't or are not willing to step up to their responsibilities. Raising a child is a lot more than providing food, clothing, and money. However, life circumstances, events and emotions sometimes, don't allow people to develop essential parenting skills. African parents especially, a lot struggled in life, so most of them only focus on providing for their families and fail to be a present loving figure.

There's a lot of parents that have to choose between staying at home, and starving with their children or going to work all day, and leaving their children alone. When they come home they're too tired to spend time with their family. These children end up raising themselves. Life doesn't always give fair options.

My mum met my stepdad, (the man beside her in my cover picture) when I was like three or four so he has always been around. I hated him! My dad told me he was the reason for my parents splitting up, so I always blamed him for it. Many times I told him, "You're not my dad!" But after a while, I accepted him because my biological dad wasn't present anymore. He raised me. But I always felt distant to him. He was more like those dads that bring money home but aren't really there to take you out, play with you, help with your homework, etc. My mum took care of everything, when it came to raising me, and my younger siblings.

Today, he means the world to me. He's my best friend and the best father I could ask for. Now, I consider him my dad. What changed? After my mum passed away he was left alone with three kids to take care of. He felt extremely lost and at the start, life was hell. I'm not going to lie he was struggling big time. His growth as a father is a beautiful thing to see today. He only has three biological children, but is raising five. Does he have the obligation to this? No, but life has taught him how to love and how to raise a family the best way he can.

My mum had me when she had just turned 18, so I always seen her as older sister/mum. Looking back now, I can see that my mum's maturity as a parent only developed when she was around 26. She only started to teach me important things about life once she learnt them. Did I listen to her? Not really. I thought she was going to be here forever. I honestly did. I was extremely spoiled. I barely even helped cleaning around the house. I was 17 when she died, so I think you can imagine how lost I felt without her. The problem with being spoiled is that you're not prepared for the reality of this world. You're not prepared to hear the word "NO"! A lot of our parents fail to teach us to live without them. That's why most of us only mature when we leave home.

I was left to help my dad look after my younger siblings, work, and go to school. I failed big time. Life hit me hard. My brother and sister look in me for the mother figure that they're missing. They're constantly shouting "Maria, Maria, Maria" and that is exhausting at times. But, it reminds me of a girl that used to shout, "Oh Maeeee, maeeeee, mae" every five minutes—ME. Truth is, looking after them is a big responsibility to me, because I know that I'll blame myself if anything happens to them. I can only teach them what I know, and it's not a lot. So I can only imagine how my dad feels or my mum felt. I admire them now. I remember that after my mum died, one of my uncles rang my dad and said, "Put the younger ones in a boarding school, and the older one is old enough to look after herself anyway." It's sad that someone would say that, but it's reality. A lot of parents give up on their children.

Being a parent is hard.

Some of you might have amazing parents that love you, some of you lost your parents and others don't feel loved by your parents. I had all of it, so they all taught me different things.

There's a lot of things our parents do now that, we will only be able to understand when we become parents.

Parents often say things they don't mean, but those things hurt us. Sometimes they break promises, and we don't forget. Some have extremely high expectations of us, and try to dictate our lives. Some want us to be what they couldn't. Sometimes they don't talk, they just shout. They don't listen, they don't understand. They neglect us, push us away and blame us for things. They lie, they cheat, they fight—THEY'RE HUMAN.

There're a lot of parents struggling with themselves.

Forgive them. A lot us don't want to be like our parents, but holding the disappointment we have in our minds will later on affect us in life. In our relationships and in how we raise our children.

Parenting is like taking a test that you were never prepared for, therefore, why so many people fail at it. Some parents will try their best to pass that test others will not even attempt it. It's not lack of love, it's lack of knowledge on how to love. Forgive them, and make them a lesson for yourself, so you can become a better version of them.

Remember that we can only teach what we know. If you don't have that parental guidance. Raise yourself, and teach yourself. Surround yourself with people that will help you learn how to love, build love, build strength and character. The world has amazing people that will truly love us.

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About the Creator

SEWI .

See Why.

Deceiving thoughts create a fake reality.

When you read my articles I hope you feel motivated, positive energies, inspired and hopefully have a laugh.

Culture & Society.

Mariahh Brian

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