For Grandma

Hi Everyone,

Thank you for making the effort to come here today. There is no one who loved a party more then my grandma, so everyone who showed up today and wore blue, or wore something that made you think of her, thank you, I know she feels so loved surrounded by all of you and secretly not so secretly would have loved the attention.

My grandma, has been my favorite person since I can remember. She has also been old my entire life. The funny thing is I have been telling her that she is old and talking about her dying since I was probably in elementary school. saying things like " grandma when you die can i have this" she would respond with of course I'll write your name on the back of it". I have always been a moment collector, I like to believe I took after her in that regard. I always have taken pictures, and videos, holding onto moments as they were happening. But despite all the moments and memories you will see on this screen and throughout today, its amazing how many I had with her that lived in the present and never made it on a my google photos. I feel both extremely blessed and heartbroken for these moments. How part of me kicks myself for all the interactions i could have saved, but how I got to feel them alive in real time.I know both will stick with me in different ways.

A few of my favorites include my grandma in her blue poka dot robe I bought her for Christmas one year, when I would stay over or visit she would be up in the morning, baking gluten free waffles and writing in her journal, I would grab a small blue glass of dairy free milk and sit down with her and usually play a hand of cards or talk about my life, she always stopped what she was doing to play cards with me or listen.

My grandma and I have always had a truly intentional relationship. If you know anything about my family, we have a lot of cook in the kitchen or in baseball terms, coaches in the dug out. Everyone is loud, chaotic, and has a lot going on, all the time. She loved being a part of all of these moments, however I have usually felt overwhelmed and lost in the sauce most during these occasions. And when I was, she found a way to meet in the in the still moments, by connecting with me one on one, making me feel seen, heard and always loved. I have spent majority of my life making sure she also always felt seen, thought of and deeply loved by me too. She is so easy to love, this room proves it. she has had an impact on every single person here in some shape or form, and if she ever baked you cookies, played cards with you, let you into her home or joined her for a Thursday night dinners, just know, you were the lucky ones.

She was one of my best friends born on a different life timeline than me, I literally would not exist if it wasn't for her, but because of this I grew up, while grew older. And while I knew she wouldn't live forever, the thought of walking into her home without her being there, or the fact that she is not physically around corner today in one of her perfectly crafted outfits, and I don't get to hug her again feels unbearable.

I spent the last three years making the extra trips, appreciating the stillness with her, calling often and when I missed her, holding onto as many voicemails as I could. And although I am grateful for my awareness of our time together, the reality of living in a world without her, feels foreign. I will the spend the rest of my life missing her, but I will not be remiss about all the time I got with her. She will be with me in every card game, while we say " please grandma give me the right card", she will live within every chocolate chip cookie, especially the hot ones, she will be alive through every little old lady that lives life with thoughtfulness and zest through their outfits and dance moves, she will be seen in every playful centerpiece and every floral arrangement I get to take home from weddings. I will read her every poem I write and journal to her, so she can keep experiencing life with me.

Her presence on this earth lived to its fullest potential, and in some way she went out on her terms, but to me, her spirit carries on through beaver baseball, family gatherings, dancing at any opportunity, evening games and cards, and every memory and story you share. She will be alive in our hearts now, but her name and life will be brought up often and I will continue to live a life where she feels thought of. So share the stories, with a hug while asking someone how they are, and when they respond with the answer Good, think of her saying - well you don't look good.

Even though I want to believe that she was only mine at times, because believing my relationship with her was special gives me comfort within this grief. And It was special, but she had that effect on people, She loved and carried herself with great intention and really , she was everyones grandma, She opened up her heart and home to be that for everyone she loved. Fueled by grace, strength, fearlessness and so much love for every person in this room and especially her family. There will never be an ending to this speech that feels right, because she is not here to hear it, but I know if she was she would ask me to print it out for her so she could hold onto another piece of me. With that being said, my family and I have put together a video to celebrate so many pieces of her.