Fond Memories Linger

Fond memories remain

My grandma died in 2010 and I find I am continuously recalling things she said to me over the decades. The recalling of fond memories is now happening with my husband Michael who passed away in March of this year. I'm thankful because I have talked to some widows and widowers who can only remember the hard times now that their husband or wife has passed away, It's amazing how the mind recalls things that were said years or decades ago but I believe these positive words of wisdom are worth sharing. The following are some of the things my husband said that really made me feel good during our marriage. If I recall any more they will be in another article.

I was accidentally shot in the chest on New Year's Eve 1976. My grandma had a shotgun in the closet that she was keeping for her sister. My brother was not aware that the gun was loaded and pulled the trigger. I have a scar over my left breast where the bullet went in and a bigger one just under my collar bone where a tube was placed to help me breathe. I have a small scar under my left breast where a second tube was placed and a big scar on my left shoulder about the size of a silver 50 cents piece. The pellets from the gun bounced off my bone and landed in my left arm. The doctors made a big hole while getting the pellets out. I was embarrassed to have so many noticeable disfigurations but Michael helped me put it all in perspective.

1. Don't be so concerned with outward looks

I was complaining one day shortly after we met in 1976 about all the scars and he replied "He (Christ) was not ashamed to be scarred for you". This was pretty profound for an 18-year-old and it gave me the courage to not be ashamed of my own scars. Recently when I got the COVID booster shot the nurse asked what happened to my arm. I told my story without being embarrassed about being shot.

2. Never become too caught up in another person

A few weeks later in 1976 we were standing in front of The Hotel Roanoke. As we parted I said, "I love you." Michael replied "You should be careful not to love me too much because my mom said that if you love someone too much they get taken away from you". I always remembered this and tried to keep my feelings in perspective. I loved him with as much of my heart I could give but I guess it was not too much as we were together for 45 years.

3. Be practical rather than extravagant

One day after we had been married for a while I asked Michael if he would enjoy me wearing Victoria's Secret lingerie and he said: " Why spend that much money on clothing when it's all coming off anyway?" This made sense to me and besides, he had already seen what lies beneath. It also taught me not to follow trends but be myself.

4. There's no place like home

When we spent the night in a hotel for a church marriage seminar we talked about how we both were uncomfortable whenever we slept in a hotel or motel. We were missing our children but the church had recommended this and another couple paid for the room for us. There were flower petals and candy on the bed but neither of us understood how this was supposed to enhance our marriage and Michael said: "Anything we can do here we can do in our own bed" and I was in full agreement.

5. Honor the vows you already have made

One day I brought up couples who renewed their wedding vows at certain intervals during their marriages such a 10, 25, or 50 years. I asked if he ever wanted to renew our vows and Michael said: "If you meant them the first time why have to say them again"?

6. Accept your mate's weight

When we first met and I complained about weighing only 97 lbs he told me "I like small women." A few years ago I reminded him of this and asked what he thought of my now weighing 160 lbs. I have heard women say their spouses laugh at their weight gains over the years. I also recalled a man saying that his wife weighed the same thing after 30 years that she weighed when they got married. Michael responded with: "You're not supposed to weigh the same at 60 as you did at 18" and that really made me feel good. I was able to return his words to him as he lost weight due to diabetes. I told him no matter what he always looked good to me.

7. Make the most of what you have

One day we discussed how we had not been on vacations, cruises, or couple's getaways. I asked if he regretted it and his reply was: "It's not about where you go or how much money you spend but making the most of wherever you are." This lifted my spirits because I felt the same way only I had never voiced it so I made sure to tell him I agreed.

Michael and I had our difficulties as most married people do but these statements are still true. I realize everyone will not agree with my husband's perspective which is as it should be. I believe there is someone who will benefit and that his words of wisdom are worth sharing. My husband's continual wise sayings are in part what helped me to love him for 45 years. In the difficult times, one of his sayings or something special he had done for me would come to mind and put a smile on my face. These are the little things that helped me honor my vows, forgive him and stick with him when others thought I should not. He looked past a lot of my faults and I appreciated it so I had to return the favor.