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Five Things Parents of an Autistic Child Don’t Want to Hear

But People Keep Saying to Us Anyway

By Holly PainePublished 5 years ago 3 min read
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*Photo by rawpixel on Unsplash

1. "I don’t know how you do it."

Do what? Love my kid unconditionally? I ‘do it’ because she’s my daughter whether or not she has autism. I’m her mother. I’m just doing what any decent mom does: Taking care of my child.

Obviously raising a kid with autism is more difficult than raising a neurotypical child, but as a parent, you do what you have to do. Trust me, I’d much rather not have to deal with autism, and I’d give anything if I could take it away from her—for her sake more than mine.

Also, I may be Wonder Woman.

2. "So, what’s the thing she/he’s really good at?"

Making huge messes and spreading poop all over her walls and bed, thanks for asking. Seriously, not all people with autism are savants. In fact, it’s far less common than the media portrays.

And yeah, she smears poop everywhere given the chance. In fact, she’ll eat it if I don’t catch her fast enough. She’s not even remotely potty trained, despite all my efforts. She also doesn’t talk, as in she can’t talk. She puts everything in her mouth, and I’ve had to call poison control more times than I can remember because she got a hold of something dangerous and ate it or drank it.

Just to make it clear, we’re talking about a kid who will be 11-years-old next month.

3."Have You Tried..."

Before you even ask, the answer is probably ‘yes, and it didn’t work’. In some cases, the answer might be ‘no, and I don’t plan on it because ….’ But, I can pretty much guarantee you aren’t the first person to ask.

If there is one thing that a parent of a child with autism is good at, it’s finding out all about all of the different alternatives that exist to try to combat our kid’s symptoms or make our lives easier. A lot of it is snake oil, some of it is dangerous, and a lot of it we’ve already tried and moved on from.

Besides, most people aren’t real big on unsolicited advice, especially advice that has the potential to feel like a judgment on our parenting.

4. "I Know Someone with Autism and They Don’t..."

Congratulations and good for them. What’s your point?

Autism is not a simple disorder, it is a spectrum, and it has a baffling tendency to present itself in very different ways with each person it affects. I think it was Dr. Stephen Shore who put it so succinctly as, “If you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” Meaning there is so much variance in autism that you really can’t make accurate comparisons between two (or more) individuals with autism.

5. "Well, you know, vaccines cause autism."

Um, no. Just no. Vaccines do not cause autism. Dr. Andrew Wakefield’s study was retracted by the Lancet, the journal in which it was published, because it was found that Dr. Wakefield and his team falsified data, and Dr. Wakefield was being paid to find a connection between the MMR vaccine and autism. What’s more, the ingredient claimed to be responsible for causing autism, ethylmercury found in the preservative thimerosal, hasn’t been used in vaccines since the late 1990s and yet autism rates continue to increase. The MMR vaccine actually never contained thimerosal. Don’t believe me? Look it up.

It drives me and a whole lot of people insane that this myth keeps circulating. Sadly, I know some parents who believe vaccines caused their child’s autism. Not only has there never been any substantiated research to indicate a connection between vaccines and autism but there has, in fact, been plenty of research to indicate there is no connection between vaccines and autism.

Even if vaccines did cause autism…it’s incredibly insulting to tell me, as a mother with an autistic child, that I shouldn’t have gotten my kid vaccinated. Vaccines prevent the spread of horrible diseases known to cause permanent, severe disability and/or death. Do you really believe that autism is so frightening that you’d rather have your child die than be autistic? Taking it one step further, would you rather have your child die after spreading a preventable disease to other children who might also die as a result?

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About the Creator

Holly Paine

I'm a 38-year-old Licensed Professional Counselor. I'm happily divorced, and the mother of a daughter on the autism spectrum. Writing keeps me sane.

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