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Fears of a Father

The Road to Conception

By Felix MartinezPublished 5 years ago 6 min read
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"Destruction" by T.C. de Hoyos is licensed under CC BY-ND 4.0

You either expected to become a parent, or you did not. In either case, parenthood is upon you. For better or worse, you are entering a realm of uncertainty where you hope for the best and pray, regardless of religious preference, to avoid anything wrong that can happen.

No other event will have a more significant impact upon your personal life than taking upon the mantle of being a parent. Fortunately, you are not alone! Everyone expecting a child go through a myriad of emotions. Some have even taken to the net to record their experiences to share with soon-to-be parents. At this point, it's best to be calm for yourself, significant other, and your child. You need to prepare yourself for what is ahead.

The Search for Fertility - Paying to Play

"Money" by free pictures of money is licensed under CC BY 2.0

My wife and I wanted children, but were not as fortunate as some in having them so quickly. We tried countless times with no positive pregnancy results. We went to fertility specialists and explored strange and unknown procedures that provided a 100 percent guarantee we would be anywhere between 5 percent and 60 percent successful in conceiving a child. Ultimately, we settled on a simple process that allowed my wife to become pregnant.

The process of finding the right procedure by the right doctor was kind of ridiculous. Some doctors were way too enthusiastic about helping. Take, for instance, Dr. IVF. He really wanted that sale.

They offered several options to allow upfront payment for speedy service. Payment plans, loans, Care Credit, were all available for our use. Searching for movies on Netflix appeared to be more difficult after listening to their elevator pitch. We didn't spend that much time in Dr. IVF's office. We heard their proposal, said thank you and told Dr. IVF we'd be in touch.

Other doctors were reportedly just rude. Dr. Mouth, for instance, was rumored to have a horrible bed-side manner. He stood on his reputation of being an excellent fertility doctor. He had a plan of attack, and you were to follow that plan with no questions asked. If things weren't working out, it wasn't because his plan failed; Instead, it was because you failed HIS plan. Why on earth would I want my wife to deal with this guy? Oh right... kids.

A Light at the End of a Tunnel (One of hundreds to come)

"Light at the end of the tunnel | 2005.05.07" by Ghostboy is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Fortunately for us, we met a doctor that preferred an incremental approach to fertility. Dr. Incremental sat us down and explained all of the available treatments, including IVF. Their office's practice was to take a gradual approach, from the least to most intrusive unless we had a specific preference. So, we went with Dr. Incremental instead of Dr. IVF. It worked out for us in the long term.

About one to two week's after working with Dr. Incremental, my wife called me at work to tell me she was pregnant. We got the pregnancy confirmed during her next visit with Incremental, and suddenly it dawned on me that... yeah, I was going to be a father. I was no longer hoping to be a dad or fantasizing about my wife telling me I was going to be a dad. It was happening. While I was genuinely happy, I couldn't help but feel a sense of dread at not being prepared for any and every unplanned event possible.

Is it a Boy or a Girl? Does it matter? Apparently, it does.

"male girl figure characters" is licensed under CC0 1.0

Is it a boy... or a girl?

We learned about the sex of our child through a magical blood test that separated the baby's DNA from her DNA. Doctor's were then able to determine the sex of the baby by analyzing his or her DNA, fascinating. And what in the heck am I to do with this information? Why plan for and decorate the child's room... of course! Yay... !

What about the rest of it? What about food, clothes, daycare...? I mean, babies are incredibly expensive to develop, maintain, and cultivate. Leave it to an engineer to take the feels out of a pregnancy. I couldn't help it. Meanwhile, my wife is jumping at the opportunity to decorate our son's room, while I'm busy pulling the rest of my hair out. I feel overwhelmed as I look ahead to our financial future during our planned move and my performance as a new job.

However, while I work as an Engineer, I'm not just an Engineer by trade. I'm also a manly man who isn't supposed to present worries and think about feels. I'm supposed to have solutions to problems unforeseen and be able to leap over buildings with a single bound. Who am I kidding, though? I would have made things easier for my wife if I was more honest about my worries. Pregnancy is about the mother in this process and HER support network. It isn't about how the father, or significant other, feels. Instead, it is about making the process enjoyable and bearable for the woman growing the child within her.

An Unknown Future - A Little Bit Unbearable

"Rage Picture" by Harry Pujols is licensed under CC BY 2.0

Being a manly man, I have been trained to leave my emotions at the door. It allows for quick thinking most of the time while you drive everyone else crazy. You know? It's not quite so simple when you're in the middle of an emotional roller coaster called parenthood. Sometimes... at all times I feel like I am balancing on a house of cards ready to collapse at any moment.

Who's Wearing the Pants?

"..." by Dylan Hanemaayer is licensed under CC BY 2.0

I grew up in a traditional Hispanic family. My father supported the family's finances. My mom was stay-at-home to take care of my sister and me, while also working part-time. I've learned that my wife and I fulfill a provider role in our relationship. I provide financial and emotional support to our family, while my wife provides the same support but in different ways.

Story Time isn't over Yet

"Grimoire spell book stock" by moxylyn is licensed under CC BY 3.0

So, you are happy, fearful, and uncertain during this whole time. Fatherhood is a challenge with obstacles you don't even know are coming. Yet mentally active, or stubborn, men will learn this lesson. You have to admit to it eventually. I guess fortunately for me, I never felt like to was bringing me down. I thought that this is just another chapter of my youth. There are new challenges, but that's life. There are ALWAYS challenges.

Thank you for joining me on this journey and there will be more to follow as we continue to explore my experiences with fatherhood. I have quite a busy life now, and it may help you as writing these things down is helping me.

pregnancy
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About the Creator

Felix Martinez

Veteran, engineer, husband, and father. I've spent my life traveling the U.S. first serving my country and am currently working in the private sector. I'm also a blogger for the HIVE cryptocurrency under the user name Scholaris. Thanks!

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  • Samantha Smith2 years ago

    Loved this Felix! The anticipation and apprehension that accompanies the knowledge that one is actually becoming a parent are interesting things to deal with and I think you captured it well!

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