FATHER IN A CHILD’S LIFE

Anyone can father a child, but being a dad takes a lifetime. Fathers play a role in every child’s life that cannot be filled by others. This role can have a large impact on a child and help shape him or her into the person they become.

Fathers and Emotional Development

Fathers, like mothers, are pillars in the development of a child’s emotional well-being. Children look to their fathers to lay down the rules and enforce them. They also look to their fathers to provide a feeling of security, both physical and emotional. Children want to make their fathers proud, and an involved father promotes inner growth and strength. Studies have shown that when fathers are affectionate and supportive, it greatly affects a child’s cognitive and social development. It also instills an overall sense of well-being and self confidence.

Fathers Set the Bar for Relationships with Others

Fathers not only influence who we are inside, but how we have relationships with people as we grow. The way a father treats his child will influence what he or she looks for in other people. Friends, lovers, and spouses will all be chosen based on how the child perceived the meaning of the relationship with his or her father. The patterns a father sets in the relationships with his children will dictate how his children relate with other people.Fathers and Their Daughters

Young girls depend on their fathers for security and emotional support. A father shows his daughter what a good relationship with a man is like. If a father is loving and gentle, his daughter will look for those qualities in men when she’s old enough to begin dating. If a father is strong and valiant, she will relate closely to men of the same character.

Fathers and Their Sons

Unlike girls, who model their relationships with others based on their father’s character, boys model themselves after their father’s character. Boys will seek approval from their fathers from a very young age. As human beings, we grow up by imitating the behavior of those around us; that’s how we learn to function in the world. If a father is caring and treats people with respect, the young boy will grow up much the same. When a father is absent, young boys look to other male figures to set the “rules” for how to behave and survive in the world.What is a father’s love really like? Even when a father expresses tenderness and consistent parenting care toward his children, it is usually described in "mothering terms." This is noted by the common title of two well-known books, one by a Jamaican author and the other by an American. The common title is "My Father who Mothered Me." The books tell the story of men who grew up with their fathers alone after the death of their mothers.

The stories graphically share the tenderness, patience, caring, and nurturing of their loving fathers. Why do we think of loving fatherhood in mothering terms? Is it because we attribute tenderness and affectionate actions to being feminine rather than just being loving? Obviously, fathers do not have breasts. Fathers are not made with the extra soft cushion of fat under the skin like mothers have. Nevertheless, fathers do have other body parts mothers have. They have arms, legs, eyes, lips, and ears that all are needed for the act of loving. Fathers also have brains that, according to research, have the same ability as mothers have to think, feel pain, laugh, and cry.

Fathers and mothers may process information differently, but there are no biological reasons that can explain why a father’s love cannot be as intense and meaningful as a mother’s love. Of course, there are sociological and cultural factors that have deterred the male from being intensely loving. But we must remember that these factors can, at the most, influence how we love but not "dictate" to us. In simple terms, even a father has a choice of how to love.