Fat Maddy

For the longest time, I was an artist in the closet—that was until Fat Maddy.

Maddy was our family’s golden retriever, and though my friends and I would jokingly call my golden, feather-haired pup Fat Maddy, it was our fault she was a tad bit overweight. She was just too cute and just too sweet to not share a nibble of anything we were sinking our teeth into. We made a pact that one day, we’d open up a pub and name it Fat Maddy’s. It would be our tribute to our sweet girl. The eleven years I shared with Maddy were some of the best in my life, every one of them unforgettable. She was a good girl, her nature perfectly showcased by the delicate care she’d bestow when softly taking a treat from your hand. Bright and early each day, she’d waddle her way to me as I came down the stairs and greeted me with a crooked smile and a soft head nudge, her invitation to deliver a quick pet just behind her floppy ears. She loved that more than table food.

It was tough to leave for college. I could hardly fathom leaving my family, my friends, my perfect pup, and my safe place. I questioned the decision all the way up to the moment I gave Maddy that last ear rub for a while just before I left. I planned to study medicine, but I really dreamed of being a musician. Like many, my nerves and self-consciousness would always get the best of me. I’d dance my hands across the piano keys and sing softly behind closed doors, mostly when nobody was home. It was just a dream, but once I left the nest and saw so many talented people showcasing their talent at school functions and during drunken nights at the bar, I knew I had to find my courage...somehow.

I headed home for the winter holidays during my freshman year, excited to see my family, friends, and pup, but also ashamed that I’d stopped my covert performances. I looked forward to playing at being a superstar in the safety of my room, something I simply couldn’t do in my tiny dorm room shared with three other guys. I arrived home to puppy kisses, hugs, and home cooked meals—and to find that my piano landed a new home in the corner of the living room. Damnit I thought to myself, thinking that I’d now have to wait for the family to be out running errands before I could comfortably do my thing.

The opportunity came on the day before Christmas Eve. My parents stepped out and I had the house to myself. I was ready to spend the next few hours practicing “Free Falling,” by Tom Petty (but made famous to me by John Mayer). My goal was to perfect singing and playing the song on the piano. As I sat down on the black bench, the dusty and inviting keys staring back at me, I realized that I wasn’t alone. Fat Maddy sat quietly in the corner, looking at me with her big honey eyes. Any other eyes would have made me flee the scene, but Maddy was comfort itself. I finally had an audience, and as I fumbled my way through the notes and hesitantly sang the lyrics, Maddy slowly got up and laid her head on my feet. I couldn’t help but smile, and the smile was soon followed by tears. Maybe it was because I missed her—or maybe it was because my singing and playing didn’t scare her away but instead brought her closer. Whatever it was, I played and sang my heart and soul out for three straight hours, and Maddy laid there with her soft, furry head keeping my toes warm. There was no better encouragement.

We said goodbye to Maddy that New Years Eve. It was one of the hardest days of my life. I remember driving home from the emergency room after saying my goodbye and I kid you not John Mayer’s acoustic, live in LA version of “Free Falling” came on the radio. I sang my heart out as tears rolled down my cheeks and the sunset beamed a bright gold.

A few weeks later, I sang “Free Falling” at my first ever open mic. I thought about Maddy the entire time. I see sweet Maddy in my 1-year-old puppy Ralph every day. He loves those behind-the-ear pets, too, but no table food for him! He’s my new biggest fan, and I’ve since doubled down on the promise of opening our “Fat Maddy’s” pub. I’ll sing for her there too one day.

“She’s a good girl…”

“Now I'm free, I'm free fallin', Yeah, I'm free,Free fallin.”

Thank you, girl.