Family Isn't Always Forever

When I was younger I thought my mum was my superhero who would come to my aid no matter what and my dad was my entire world. I was a little daddy's girl. Just like any other relationship, they argued, but they were still strong in my six year old brain. However, that all changed the day my parents got divorced. At 7 years old, I watched my dad have a baby with the woman he cheated on my mum with. This sent my mum into a dark place she never came out of even after she remarried.

After a year of the baby being born my dad had separated with the woman but I still got to see my sister and dad on a regular basis and I felt like my family unit was okay for a couple months. I would regularly meet with the woman and my dad and we would have a fantastic day out. I remember the last time I saw her I hugged the woman for the first time and she started crying. I was confused at the time but now I know why.

One day, my dad went to pick up my sister so we could go for a day out and he arrived to an empty, cold apartment with nothing but a singular note above the fireplace which read "I'm going home, goodbye." It turns out that the woman had come to England specifically to get pregnant with someone because her boyfriend in Poland was infertile. She disappeared with my sister and replaced my dad on the birth certificate so he had no legal rights. I had lost my sister at 9 years old, I was devastated. My dad had gotten addicted to spice (synthetic drug) and refused to see me for 3 years afterwards but would see my brother on a weekly basis. I think the fact I was his only other daughter scared him. He got with another woman and had 2 kids with her ( a girl and a boy) which made me feel hopeless. I knew I had lost my dad. My mum was at the pub drowning her sorrows in alcohol everyday so I was completely alone. I was desperate to feel loved and I put myself in a dangerous situations at 13 years old which I won't get into with this post (maybe next time).

The relationship with my parents started to break down even more and I couldn't understand what I had done wrong. My dad would only come and see me when I had done something wrong so I started misbehaving just so I could see him again. I followed in their footsteps and started smoking weed and drinking heavily at 14. I was lost for a few years living in a house with my mum who used me for emotional support but refused to be there for me. I stayed up with her at night when she argued with her new husband and I was fine to do it at the time because she was my mum and it pained me to hear her cry. I had learnt from such a young age what loneliness was and I wanted her to know I was there for her. She never did the same for me.

Every sad story has a happy ending right? Well, here is mine. After years of not taking care of myself and going down the same path as my parents, I finally met someone who made me feel like I was cared about. My boyfriend. He helped me realise that nobody, even family, gets to treat you like you don't matter. He taught me how to love myself and I realise that my family failed me but that doesn't define who I am.

Even in the darkest times, learn to love yourself first, take care of your wellbeing everyday and NEVER let someone, no matter who it is, treat you like you're worthless because you are not! There is always someone that will you treat you right, even if it isn't who you expected them to be.