Faded Youth

I remember it like it was yesterday and not half a lifetime ago. People that came before me would say, "Cherish every moment, every second, every milestone no matter how small." I remember rubbing my swollen belly, feeling the movement inside me and thinking they were crazy, we had a lifetime to live, love laugh and grow.

Then you came, so small, so needing of my love, attention, kindness and patience. You looked into my eyes and I could see what you could become. You held my finger with your tiny little hand, while I fed you your bottle and stared into your eyes. The days went by, each day, each moment you learned something new.

I blinked and you were rolling over, lifting your head to view the world around you. Then pushing your self up, rocking back and forth, testing and learning. So quickly you were crawling getting little hands into everything you shouldn't. As soon as you were crawling you were learning to walk and I blinked. I didn't mean to blink, I was just enjoying your laughter, your tears of frustration, your abilities growing each day the sun rose.

You were everything I had ever wanted, my child, my baby. Growing up at the speed of light. Time doesn't stand still and just as I had been told, as crazy as it was, you were already starting school. Walking into the world, making friends, and becoming who you were supposed to be.

Missing the tiny hand wrapped around my finger, the dependance upon your every need I tried again. Growing another soul within, giving birth and thinking, "This time, it will last longer." yet the clock on the wall keeps ticking and we are none of us getting younger.

Like yesterday I see you playing with your brother, holding him, feeding him waiting for him to be big enough to play. as you long for a playmate I long for time to reverse. For that tiny little baby that I felt moving inside me as the ones who came before told me to appreciate every laugh, every tear, every hug, every "mommy" that was called.

The pitter patter of little feet running through the house, chasing each other around, getting angry, fighting, laughing, joking, playing. I wish I could have it all back. Don't blink, it's gone before you know it. I wonder how many new parents are right now being told that, and how many are already taking the time they have for granted.

When your sister was born I still didn't know just how fast time would go. I see you all growing in my minds eye, like you are in fast motion. From tiny children needing me just to watch you do something new, to taking care of you while you were sick I loved every moment even when it didn't seem like it and I miss each moment that I didn't appreciate.

As time slips away and you are grown and gone, I wish I had listened to those that came before. I wish I had taken the time to hold you when you scraped your knee, to hug you when you were disappointed, to listen when you told me all about that nightmare, and spend more time appreciating the moments that were silently slipping by.

Here we are a lifetime gone by and I sit alone watching you build your life from a far. Grand children now sprouting up just as fast as you before. Wishing for a past that slipped through my fingers far too fast. Life is just a circle as I find myself the one saying "Don't blink, appreciate every moment, It all goes by like the blink of an eye."