Facebook Friends and... Family?

Family, friends and Facebook-a deadly combination or just an uncomfortable one? Read how one parent enjoys and connects with her teen son over Facebook, but also is glad her own mother doesn't use the network.

"You be careful what you say. You never know when I might post about you on Facebook!" This threat is one I used to use repeatedly on my fifteen-year-old son when he's being goofy and he knows I know how to post to his Facebook wall. It's a fun threat, used in jest mostly, but don't think for a moment I won't remind him and all his Facebook friends of the silly things he used to do as a baby if he pushes the issue.

It's good to be the parent.

In all seriousness, though, having your kids as your Facebook friends can be a great way to keep an eye on what you're kids are doing online. My son is friends with me on all the social networks to which I belong that he's also interested in. I managed to get him hooked on Teen Second Life years ago, and he subscribes to my YouTube account. But Facebook is the one place we both frequent and even sometimes challenge each other in Facebook games.

Having grown up around computers and having a mom who is an avid social networker, writer and blogger with a large readership and network, my children are used to me writing and talking about them online. They have become the stars in many of my posts and blogs, and they enjoy that more than they care to admit. It was tough for me in the very beginning to let me kids see my online persona, until one day, my now grown daughter said to me, "Mom, you're not any different online than you are offline."

I think that's the key right there. There really isn't anything I'd say offline or online that I wouldn't want my children to know, or at least wouldn't mind if they happened to find out, and that makes it okay that they see the things I write on Facebook too. Plus, it lets me keep tabs on my kids as they go about their day and their lives, in a way different than mothers usually get to see their kids. It's neat, to me, to see my son being a guy and just hanging and chatting with his friends, instead of always being on his best 'mom' behavior when I'm there in person, and I get to see some of this through how he acts on Facebook with his friends.

Many of his friends have even added me as a friend too! That makes this 'old' mom feel pretty good when her teen son's friends say I'm cool.

However, my best friend, a woman in her late forties, only recently opened up a Facebook account, and she actually created two different ones: one for her online friends and people she knows well and one for her family and friends from back home. She wanted to be able to relax and be herself on one account without her mother seeing and reading everything and knowing everyone she associated with online. The irony here is that my friend was the one who helped sign her seventy-something year old mother up for the Facebook account so her mother could keep in touch with relatives overseas.

Fortunately for me, my mother doesn't use online and social networking, sticking with her fall-back and trusty AOL and AOL email she learned to use years ago and feels safe using. Things like Facebook and social networking are simply too complicated for her and she doesn't have the time. For that, I am very glad. It's not that I would mind her reading my posts, updates and scribbles online; it's just, come on, it's my mom!

Which brings me full circle back to wondering if my children don't feel the same way about me and just aren't telling me. Hey, at least they aren't posting it on my wall, right?

The point here is, parents and kids who share similar interests and can share social networking and internet playtime together are likely to be closer and know more about what's going on in each others' lives than parents and teens who don't. I'm glad my son wants to join and enjoy the same venues I do, and even more glad he is willing to share those things with me.