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expected unexpected death

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By ChantelPublished 3 years ago 4 min read
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expected unexpected death
Photo by Eyasu Etsub on Unsplash

(Made in June 2021)

The only grandfather figure I have had in my life recently passed.

I was his favorite. The only grandchild who would consistently call him to check in.

Given there was weeks I would only call after 3-6 weeks. Because I would be so caught up in my own life or simply did not feel like it.

I always felt better after having called or visited him though. Knowing that my time with him was appreciated and that he did enjoy the company since he didn't talk that often prior to that as well.

Richard didn't know what would be his last day walking. His last day to open his eyes. His last breath.

I wonder how he is now. I believe in an after life of some sort whether that is Heaven or another life. I didn't fully realize that the last time I would see him would be that Thursday.

I remember partically wanting to rush the visit because I had work the next morning and wanted to have enough time to wake up in the morning to get an early workout. I wasn't as attentive and felt more like gross?

I get that way when I am not the only one present. I don't know why.

He knows that I did love him. And he knows that I was busy with all my odd jobs.

I'm at a point where I don't necessarily care for life anymore?

Maybe that is the downside of working remotely. I still don't feel fulfilled. I finally get to go on a trip tomorrow and will be in Hawaii by the end of the day.

I know that gratitude is the only way to be happy.

I'm thankful to have my remote job so I can see my friend tomorrow. Thankful to have friends in other states that I can visit.

Thankful for my friends who are near me to keep me sane. But I still don't feel happy. Maybe it's because I haven't exercised yet. I haven't done anything for others. I just don't feel complete today.

---

Richard did a lot for me. It's been 2-3 months since I wrote that.

I realize that Richard would always give the attention I desired that my parents could never give with three children.

He had flaws and could be boring if you didn't make the of the situation.

But he was also very kind and interesting if you got him to talk and share more about his life and his past memories.

I appreciated the time that I did get to spend with him and am really happy to have had him as my grandfather.

He showed me the love and care that a grandfather and grandmother should have together and I am forever grateful for him supporting me and constantly reminding me how much he appreciated my company or how I could do anything I wanted to do.

He always told me that your grandmother and I love you very much and are always thinking about you. And it was great to hear his voice light up when he heard I was calling.

He understood that as young people we are always extremely busy and was so conscious of how much time I would spend with him on the phone always. He would suggest to end our calls after only 15 minutes solely because he didn't want to be a bother taking up too much of my time.

We need to have love and care for our elders. My grandmother was so sweet this past weekend and just wanted to have dinner with me, but my odd jobs and work took up all my time.

As we get older we forget that they are older as well and are also people who get lonely.

I feel bad cause Mama feels bad calling me now and never knows when I will be free of busy.

And it's always hard to balance out working out, making money, hanging out with friends, ect.

Richard thank you for being the best grandfather figure in my life and loving me unconditionally along with treating my grandmother right as well always. I've told you that in person and I'm just glad I was able to be there for my grandmother when it all happened.

I planned to move to Seattle before, but when family tragedies happen like this, it's best that I am close by.

You told me to take care of my grandmother when you were gone, and I fail at that a lot. I need to make more time for her.

Being young really is the most hectic time of our lives, huh?

grief
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About the Creator

Chantel

I range from social justice issues to sexuality articles, all depends on my mood.

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