Everyone says we're a match made in heaven, but no one knows I'm bruised

I didn't sleep for another night, I was frightened in the first half of the night, and he beat me again in the second half of the night. After the fight, he fell asleep.

I'm numb to the pain. I used to cry when I was sad, but now I have no tears.

I didn't dare to fall asleep for fear of being "killed" by him in my sleep. During countless sleepless nights, I thought that with his knowledge reserves, he would definitely be able to commit crimes with high IQ and kill me without leaving a trace.

For a while, after reading a lot of news about wife killing on the Internet, I even thought that one day I would appear on the hot search in this way.

In order to avoid disputes, I had already slept in a separate room with him. But sometimes, he must pull me into his room to sleep, and I can't resist, because it will definitely irritate him.

While sleeping in a bed, he said, "You don't want to be next to me."

All I could do was move to the side of the bed where it would fall off with a little movement.

In this way, the quilt is not enough, but he must make a quilt with me, saying that it will not feel heavy and hot from someone. I was lying on the edge of the bed, the quilt only covered half of my body, and I had to endure it when it was cold.

This time he started because I had a stomachache in the middle of the night and woke him up when I went to the toilet. I originally wanted to endure it until dawn, but I couldn't, I had no choice but to get up.

Knowing that he was sleeping lightly, I could only get up cautiously, not even wearing slippers, and preparing to go to the toilet barefoot. Even so, he still woke up, and when he woke up, he lost his temper, cursed people, smashed things...

I was afraid that he would wake up the neighbors, so I could only comfort him with kind words, but he was more motivated, so he hit me. I knew that the more I resisted, the more serious the consequences would be, so I had to protect my face. It doesn't matter how many injuries I add to my body, the key is that I don't want others to see it.

People who don't know the inside, think I'm married to an uneducated, rude man, when in fact, I'm married to a Ph.D.

In the eyes of others, he is a scholarly nerd with no temper. My education is not low, a master's degree from a prestigious school, and a decent job.

Everyone thought he and I were a match made in heaven. But I know that he is not a normal person at all.

When I was a child, I was not very popular with my family. I was the fourth girl in the third generation with my grandparents.

In order to compete, my mother has been asking me to study hard. Since I was a child, I was instilled by her the idea of ​​"you can only keep others speechless if you study well", and I really grew up like this. I have no friends, no feelings, no hobbies, but I study well.

I went to a good primary school, a good junior high school, a good high school, a good university, and I was admitted to a graduate student in a famous school...

Along the way, I became an introvert. For so many years in school, I rarely participate in activities, and campus love is far away from me.

After work, I was always taught by my mother to "be good at it", so by the time she really wanted me to fall in love, I was already past the best age for falling in love, plus her high age. Requirements, the scope of my search has also been delineated more and more narrowly.

Because of my personality, I don't like sports very much. After going to work, I gain weight every year. When I was 35 and hadn't found a partner, my family, including my mother, became anxious.

I met him on a blind date after I was 35.

My first impression of him is very good. He looks good, has a high degree of education, has study abroad experience, and has a good job.

Although I found out that his character was flawed and some of his behaviors were "alternative" in the beginning of our relationship, I was reluctant to give up, and my family tried every means to help me make this happen.

He seems to be gentle, but he has a very quick temper. For example, if I am late for a date, he will leave immediately, and then he will lose his temper through WeChat or phone.

He especially doesn't like getting along with people, even if it's me as a girlfriend, I can't see it if I can see it. It is said to be in love, in fact, even if we meet, there are very few words between us. Originally, I was not very talkative, but he turned out to be "colder" than me.

Usually, he pulls out his laptop to do his work, and if I disturb him, he gets mad, and on several occasions he smashes other people's pots and cups in the cafe.

After dating for a while, I thought about breaking up, but my mother said, "It's not bad if they didn't pick you."

He's a really nice guy. After meeting him a few times, he told me a lot about him. Because his grandparents doted on him and seldom let him go out, he focused on his studies since he was a child, which is very similar to me, but he was spoiled at home and never thought about other people's feelings.

When he was in school, he would often cause trouble in the classroom because other students disagreed with him, or the teacher did not agree with his problem-solving method.

Since he is indeed a "top student" and has won many honors for the school in various subject competitions, the school is more "tolerant" of him.

The university he went to was very good, but his classmates were all scholars from all over the world, which caused him to become more and more stressed and emotional, and he also had serious sleep disorders.

He doesn't get along very well with his roommates. Several of his roommates have had serious conflicts with him, and he was almost punished for fighting.

In order to avoid more conflicts, his mother had to go to accompany him to study, and rented a house and let him move out of the dormitory. When studying abroad, everything was taken care of by his aunt abroad. He had no friends and closed himself even more deeply.

I know that his character has great flaws, but now that I'm 36 years old, in my mother's words, "you can never find someone with such suitable conditions".

Moreover, relatives in my family came to persuade me, "The more knowledgeable a person is, the more strange his temper will be. Isn't he just quick tempered? It's not okay for a man to have no temper."

I've heard this so many times, and I don't know what to do.

His mother told me that she has always blamed herself and felt that raising him was a failure, but she had no choice.

She thinks that I am a mild-mannered person who is more patient and does not like to be in a hurry. Maybe by getting along with me, her son can change. I was touched and finally decided to stay with him.

Our wedding was lavish and his family treated me so well that all onlookers thought we were "a perfect match". However, before the honeymoon was over, I was beaten by him.

It was only because I was cleaning the house that he got a few pages of his information paper wet, which really didn't make any difference at all, but he insisted that even if it was dry, the paper couldn't be flat.

He was furious and threw and smashed. I went up and pulled him, saying that I would find a way to flatten the paper, but he slapped me in the face with a backhand.

In this way, with the first time, there will be a second time, a third time... Every time it is because of a very small matter.

I dared not tell my mother that I wanted to find an excuse to end this marriage, but after half a year of marriage, I became pregnant.

He didn't show any joy about having a child, and even asked me, "Why have a child? Do you know how much pressure a child will face in the future? Will the child be willing to come into this world?"

When I was pregnant, he still hit him when he got angry.

Later, I had to live with my parents until the child was born. I really don't want to go back to my home and his home, but if I don't go back, my mother will be worried.

Because of my poor living ability, I can't take the child, and I'm afraid he will hurt the child, so the child is often placed in my mother's house, and I live on both sides. In this way, we talk less and less, and he doesn't care about me or the children.

He only has himself in his heart. As long as he is unhappy, or if he is influenced in any way, he will get angry immediately.

Maybe no one will believe it. Our family doesn't even have a fruit knife. I threw away all the "sharp weapons". I'm afraid that he will be impulsive one day and ignore it.

I also secretly installed cameras at home, always ready to keep evidence.

This kind of life is really meaningless, but in the eyes of others, I live just fine. My mom also thinks I'm doing well and shows off to others.

In the past, my aunts and uncles looked down on me, but now, they all take me as a role model for their children, and even when it comes to marriage, they always say that I want a career and a family, and a family...

All this about me, only the two classmates with whom I have the best relationship know.

They all persuaded me not to bear it any longer, as things would go on like this.

But I always think that my child is still so young, and I want to be recognized since I was a child. Now, people say that I am good, and I don't want to break other people's recognition of me.

Many people, after hearing such stories of domestic violence, ask the victims:

"Why didn't you leave earlier?" "Why don't you protect yourself with the law?"

yeah why? I'm also asking myself, why not leave him? Why don't you sue him?

I do not know why……

I understand that there are big problems in our marriage, but if I give up, the problems I will face will also be big. Divorce for me is not financially insufferable, but psychologically insufferable.

I know very well that almost all domestic violence comes from the bottomless connivance and "can't leave" concerns. I'm not someone who doesn't understand the law, but I seem to be born the kind of person who understands everything but doesn't act.

He's so good when he doesn't lose his temper and the job is going well.

His intelligence and professional ability make it difficult for many people around him to compare him. He seems to be a person with a "halo", and every time I look up at the "halo", it seems that I can always forget every night in the light. fear.

I hate my incompetence so much, but I have been indulging my incompetence. For many days in the past, I was caught in the tangle of fear, hate and love, and I was overwhelmed.

But now, when I say it all, I know that now I am trying to change, for myself and for my children.