Ending Addiction in a Cosmic Dream

Soon, there will be no more secrets on planet earth.” Wise words from my spiritual advisor and hypnotherapy guide. This new phase of awakening since 2020, includes a dose of truth serum. The dismantling of nearly every system and structure that governed this country was flipped on its head in a matter of months. This metaphysical “changing of the guards” happened beyond infrastructure. It has been happening at the subconscious level of everyone who is a part of this collective experience. The joy in moving towards a more transparent world is we will no longer be able to keep our addictions ignored, down-played or hidden. My family has endured every type of addiction under the sun as have so many other families. In my estimation, there are three types of addictions, each warranting their own message track and path to healing. There are the addictions we can’t ignore, the addictions that are easy to ignore and the addictions we never mention.

The addictions we can’t ignore are non-coincidentally the easiest ones to discuss. Growing up, it didn’t take long for me to learn that my mother was addicted to crack cocaine. Not only was this difficult addiction conversation easy to navigate with me, the decisions over my life because of the addiction were easy tough chats to have as well. From my understanding, it was with the help of the family court judge that my mother’s existence was completely erased from my life. All, because of her addiction. I found my mother for the first time when I turned twenty eight. Well, she’s always been around, I was just not allowed to know about her or any of my five siblings either. Which is wild, but I digress. I spoke with my mother for my birthday that year and have been doing the soul altering work of healing my “mother wound” for the last four years. I spoke to my mother about why things ended with my dad. I never knew the relationship ended not because my mother was so hopelessly addicted, but that she chose to leave. I later learned that she left because she was unhappy in the relationship with my father. She felt controlled, manipulated, threatened and trapped. She couldn't stand the thought of continuing the relationship--so she left. Raised in a home with a collective agenda, the only thing I ever knew was my real mom was on crack. This was from the round the corner whispers and fights between cousin stings. Not from the people who were in direct care of me. In their minds, my mother’s addiction was so dire that I wasn’t allowed to even know of her. I was supposed to know of my step-mother and my step-mother ONLY as my mom. My real mom was, I guess, supposed to be dead. At least to me she was. So life goes on and all the stories I hear of my mother are also about her drug problem. The key thing to remember about the addictions we can’t ignore is the message track is controlled by everyone but the addict.

As this healing work began, some tough self-talks allowed me to recognize alcoholism as an addiction that hid itself for so long in my presiding family. I never knew because I never noticed. I had been primed since an infant that the only bad habits are drug habits. Lord, have mercy. I remember alcohol being placed in my hands as young as 8 years old. It was crazy on the other, “healthier home environment” side. I never connected the dots that the fact my father drinks Jack Daniels every single day, sometimes several times a day as signs of alcoholism. The more I started learning about addiction, the more I started to process my life and lessons. I watched my uncle suffer from addiction to cocaine for several of my pre-teen years. How was it that I was still allowed to know him? If the proper logic fits, is this not the reason I am not allowed to know my mother? Proper logic was not fitting. I’m not complaining, I’m just curious. Key thing to remember in this second category of addiction, the message track is controlled by the addict. I was surrounded by alcoholics who created a world where drinking all the tie is not only welcomed but encouraged. I find it hilarious! On my presiding family’s side is where I learned my alcoholic behaviors. Not only was alcohol placed in my hands from my family, there were never any moderation conversations had in regards to the substance. We knew the don’t drink and drive lesson from a “Buckle Up for Tony” commercial. I go off to college where drinking issues are bound to solidify and of course the habit forms. I move to New York and live a very mixxy life, building upon my habit as I go. I never found alcohol an addictive substance until I met someone with a diagnosis. His family kept it under wraps like the first category of addiction. For the first time in my life, I began connecting the dots between the DUI charges and the wrecks and my presiding family’s alcohol dependency. Both the “bad off” and the “bad habit” addictions are categorized by whomever is controlling the message track.

The last category of addiction are the ones we never mention. The message track on those are controlled by those who sustain the silence. We never mention these addictions because we don’t want anyone to talk about it. Guess we can call these the “bad being” addictions. The ones so dark and dirty that the only way to explain the habit is by addressing the person as a bad human being. Finding a porn VHS at my grandmother’s house left by my uncle is giving very much category three vibes. I learned later in life that porn addictions are real however, I had no idea how to recognize one. Until I met a series of spiritual messengers who taught me what life was like with a porn addict. They just had to have it, have to watch it, day or night. Now, I’m connecting the dots like, well why would there be a porn VHS tape in my grandmother's VCR in the middle of the day? Why wouldn’t this be found at my uncle’s house? This is now not making sense. This is the only dirt I ever had on the guy, so I brush it off as a silly mistake and keep it moving. But what if it isn’t a silly mistake? What if it is a sign of a larger addiction? I’ll never know because I never mentioned it. This may or may not be one of those “don’t mention it” habits. Could there be a connection between me finding that tape and being suspended from elementary school for watching porn at school? Could there be a connection? Are addictions newly formed habits or learned behaviors? This category comes with so many questions because there aren’t enough people talking about them. Some things a person just doesn’t want to know. I have no desire to know whether my uncle made a simple mistake or if there was more at stake.

Sustaining silence, controlling the narrative nor erasing the characters solves the root issue around addiction. We can all end addiction in a cosmic dream if we choose. If we are moving towards a collective consciousness, we will all arrive at the same destination. We will not be able to hide our “bad habits” “bad off behaviors” nor our “bad beings.” Humanizing the relationship between sober and addicted communities is going to be the most important first step. The addicted person is still a person. A person needs to be loved tenderly in all instances. There is a more inclusive and tolerable way we can speak to and about people struggling with addiction. The cliche, “you never know what a person is going through” narrative is the one we should stick to. When speaking with people who suffer from addictions, I aim to assume positive intent. Since I know that I don’t know the root cause of anyone’s addiction, nor how their habits formed, I can’t pass judgment. Especially when addiction runs so rampant in my family. I have seen food, drug, alcohol and sexual deviancy multiple times over. There are so many negative stigmas associated with addiction and those who suffer from them. However, those people are still someone’s parent, sibling, friend, baby mama. That person is not who they used to be when the chemical dependency takes over. However, beneath and between the highs are the exact person who always occupied the space. Casting out the communities who struggle with addictions just seems so unoriginal. That tactic has been in place for centuries and it’s not working very well. Creating avenues to express concern and seek healing are the only viable means to success here. We can end addiction by minimizing the power it has over our ability to raise our voice. The hidden addictions are the most damaging ones. Create light for those navigating darkness by opening your heart to see them as a human.