ENCOUNTERS

Author © Jay Kantor

ENCOUNTERS

— Coulda Fooled Me —

As a professional 'Schlepper' (Salesman) who Moves his Products as Mom's Schlep the Kids. As a Salesman, it was always essential to first 'observe' (evaluate) how best to approach a prospect—this, obviously, has carried into my personal 'encounters'.

For Instance:

The shiniest big-black-Tesla pulled up to me at the grocery pickup; I gave him a thumbs-up. He quickly acknowledged that "it's the best car he ever had!"

And, of course, I had to say "why?" He said, SIMPLY, "all he has to do is get in and set the AUTO-DRIVE and he's on his way."

Once again, I HAD to comment: "You mean that 'IT' can tell if the driver next to you is doing everything BUT driving, such as: Smoking Pot (or whatever is popular these days) Texting~Eating~Kissing~Makeup~Cam Pix, et cetera?" Joe Friday (Dragnet) would have had a field-day ticketing him!

He said, again, SIMPLY – "Yes, 'IT' can!"

Observed a guy parking by me. He had the biggest Schlong-Schlinging new Cadillac I ever saw; barely got its Tuchus into the parking stall. So, I said..."Ah, back to American Cars!" Smiling, he glanced at my German-Car and said..."Well, That's {1} of us!"

As I pulled into the parking lot, I happened to notice a man (our age) with his feet hanging/dangling out of the open door of his brand-new car (it still had dealer tags on it) while taking long drags on a cigarette. I couldn't resist making a comment. I said, "THAT must be your wife's car? This way you're only getting 1/2 of the smoke wafting through that new car smell – Could fool ME!"

He laughed...and said, "YOU NOTICED!"

So, as he was puffing, about (2) parking spaces away from my nose, I asked him, "So, how much do those cost these days?" He told me (+tax) down to the penny. He said he knows this since he does the pricing as the manager of a 'Rite-Aid' store in Simi-Valley.

I said, "I've been hearing about a lot of shoplifting at retail stores, what's that about?" Instantly he said, "we aren't even allowed to approach them."

"But, don't you have guards and security cameras?" Looking straight at me he said, "Of course, but they are only allowed to ask 'Smokers/Vapors' to leave the store...nothing more!"

Mostly 'ODD' to me was his matter-of-fact demeanor!

So, there you are!

Since I can’t tell the difference from one 'Newbie' SUV from another without a big-badge logo emblazoned all over it. I've noticed, to help them with their identity, there are now new (2 Tone) color combo assortments: Color on top/white middle/then color again on the bottom trim. All squeezed in together. Reminds me of a stuffed cream-filled cookie.

THE BAKERY ~ Take a Number: Eyed a newly badged (over-chromed) Toyota with the (2 Tone) color combos black top/white middle/then black again on the bottom trim. Reminds me of when Mom took us, on Saturday's, to the Royal Bakery on Beverly. Just the aroma of that place was dizzying. Her standard fare selections started with long stuffed onion rolls/not just sprinkled on the top. Twisted-Challah and large seeded rye. And, of course, her special cherry cheesecake! Odd how I never acquired a sweet tooth with all that around! But, always, the glass enclosed showcase included a stack of 'black and white' cookies, nice combination.

Spotted a customized flatbed, with the 'Carvana' logo slathered all over it, dropping a 'nondescript' gray sedan into our neighborhood. Can't imagine buying a new car like that. 'Carvana' – How Impersonal NO proud Vanity Tags here! Cars have lost their 'personal' identity, and with that a lot of charm-pride that goes with owning them. I suppose everything is leased these days anyway.

Where's the fun in that?!

Sure, things change. But how could you buy a new car online that's dropped off in your driveway? I can't imagine ever doing anything like that as a self-respecting former 'Gearhead'. No matter what we'd have to kick the tires/and pound on the fender; at least take a big whiff of the new car smell! And, of course, a test drive with the salesman holding on for dear life as I sped through the streets – just checking it out.

THE BIRD WATCHER

~ Audubon Certified Tally Counter ~

'Robin' (not her real name) was taking photos capturing Red-Head-Wood-Peckers hammering away at the horse-posts. I said, "Can’t imagine their headaches."

She laughed!

Then I noticed the worn badge on her very old 'Nikon' camera, and I broke out in a chorus of 'Kodachrome' (by Paul Simon)...She said, "as a matter of fact, I happen to be a recently retired high school music teacher."

So, I said, "Well, how'd I do?"

Ms. Robin said, "I'd probably ask you to Drop-The-Class!"

Jay Kantor, Chatsworth, Cal

      'Senior' Vocal Author

    For Our Kids Someday