Empty Nest

My first son was born when I was just 16 years old. So it's safe to say that I have become accustomed to figuring things out as I go along in life. 23 years and 2 more kids later, I've managed to keep us all alive.

With children, you certainly stay busy, most of the time without having a chance to sit down and catch your breath. Soccer, Basketball, Football, Choir, Concerts, and all the other activities that you get dragged into, on top of working full time as well to provide for them, all because you want the absolute best for your kids, even if that means it leaves you exhausted.

What nobody tells you though, is that one day sooner rather than later, those same kids that left you feeling exhausted throughout the biggest part of your life, will leave your home and go out on their own to find their place in this world. That is the goal after all. To raise our little humans to become productive and caring members of society. It warms your heart and you're filled with a sense of pride, knowing that they can take care of themselves now. As you watch them pack up all their belongings and head out on their own, you feel a sense of accomplishment. You know you've done your best and they will be just fine.

What happens though, when the youngest child is ready to leave the nest? Where does that leave you? What are you going to do now with all the extra time that you have on your hands? I can't pretend that I know the answer for everyone else, but I sure know what I'm going to do. Whatever the hell that I want and feel like doing.

My youngest just turned 16, so he still has a couple of years to go, but preparations are already in the works. I have found myself personally wondering what it means for me, as a mom, once they've all left the house. Currently, I find myself home alone a lot. My husband works the graveyard shift so I sleep alone at night. I often find myself walking through the house going from room to room, and I can vividly see how each bedroom was set up that housed my kids for so long. Where their beds sat, their desks, I can even still picture their dirty clothes thrown about in a chaotic disarray. Then a sudden feeling of loneliness and emptiness takes over as I'm zapped back to the reality of the now empty room. I'll simply turn the light off, shut the door, and return to whatever it was I was doing.

The reality of having an empty nest is creeping up on me slowly, like a thief in the night to steal my happiness away. Then the realization hits me; I've been nothing but a mom, living every moment of everyday for my kids since I was 16 years old, a kid myself. Maybe now it's my time.

Since my youngest son only has two years left at home, it's time to live my life for me. Last year I took a trip to Maine, Old Orchard Beach. It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. All the different colors of Fall touching the trees in majestic beauty, the waves of the Ocean ebbing to and fro as the tides rise and retreat, like soldiers marching in succession. The sun shining down and reflecting off the water like a freshly polished diamond. This is the place that I want to call home. We've set the wheels in motion; as long as we do our part to save up, by the time my son leaves home, we'll begin our journey to live the rest of our lives in a place that brings peace, harmony, and beauty.

That of course is just a small step into this new journey, this new life that I face. Once there, I still have to fill my time. My spirituality is very important to me, so now I will be able to concentrate on that a little more than I have been able to previously. I have my writing to work on as well. I have 2 novels in the works, there was always just a lack of time. My 3 dogs I'm sure will keep me busy with walks along the beach. I love taking pictures, crocheting and cooking. Most of these things I never had time to do before, because life was all about the kids. I'm definitely not saying i wont still have my moments of loneliness or times when I wish my kids were here, I am a mom after all and I will always need my kids. For me, having an empty nest is going to be a bittersweet reality.