EIMBY

I wrote this piece a few years ago. March 22, 2018, in fact. It is a day that will live in my memory forever. I found this piece this morning and while reading it, I thought about the state of the world today. The racial, social and political tension that is plaguing our country and her people in 2020 is far beyond anything I can remember in my lifetime. Perhaps we all need to take a step back and remember who we are and what we are made of as a country.

I’ve been trying to find some beauty in this world the last few days and my heart is heavy as I write this. Tears have flown freely and unapologetically over the last few days. I’m going to tell you a story. I woke up to a post on Facebook from a friend. “My heart is broken completely in to pieces right now! I have never felt so much pain in my life. CJ, mama loves you with everything I have in me.” My heart sank and refused to beat for a few brief moments as the realization of what that post meant seeped in to my consciousness. I called my friend immediately and her emotion filled and shaky voice answered the phone. I spoke, she responded with words that will never leave me, “Phoenixx, they took my baby. They took my baby and he isn’t coming home.”

Corey Joseph Proctor was twenty-two years old. His mother a white woman, his father a black man. He was known as CJ to all who knew him and everyone who knew him loved him. He was polite. Respectable and respected. He worked endlessly. Sometimes two or three jobs to care for his growing family. His three little boys meant the world to him and it was reflected in the way they adored their Daddy. CJ worked his shift at a sports bar on the outskirts of Brunswick, Georgia and was presumably on his way home to his family when someone ended his life with a gunshot. Just like that, hearts are shattered. No rhyme or reason. Nothing left to make sense of the world with CJ not in it.

I drove the forty-five minutes to join my friend and as I sat with her and her son, D, and other friends joined us. We cried, and we laughed, and we cried some more. I watched D stand in protection over his mother and his hypervigilance was not lost on me. He presented with a smile and a greeting that was clearly meant to infer “I’m ok, I’ve got this”, but his eyes showed the confusion and sorrow and heartbreak. Someone took his big brother and he just doesn’t quite know how to process that.

How do we find beauty in this situation? I’ve found it in the most unlikely of places. Social media. Facebook, in particular. The outpouring of love and support for Ann and her family has been overwhelming. People have called me with just one question, “how can I help?” I have listened to complete strangers from all over this country cry and attempt to express the sorrow they feel for those family members that have been left behind, devasted and believing they will never heal.

If such an outpouring of love and support in the form of messages and calls, food, and monetary donations can be made from across the country and to benefit a family you have never met, why aren’t we all doing this in our own neighborhoods? I remember as a young adult I moved from Florida to Indiana. Everywhere you turned you could see signs that said “NIMBY, SAY NO TO THE PRISON”. I found the signs were in opposition to a proposed prison in the city I lived in and “NIMBY” was an acronym that stood for “Not In My Back Yard”. NIMBY is how we have treated everything in this society. It has been perfectly fine as long as it wasn’t in our backyards. The trouble with that thinking is that eventually your backyard is the only one left and they will come for it too.

They’ve come for it, my friends. It is time to stand and defend your own back yard. You didn’t care when it was happening to your neighbor, it wasn’t your problem, remember? Now your neighbor isn’t going to help you either. We are down to just a few back yards. They are worth defending. We have to rebuild relationships with our neighbors. This is the only way we win this fight. You want a movement you can get behind? How about #EIMBY? ESPECIALLY In My Back Yard. #EIMBY, I will feed you. #EIMBY, I will listen. #EIMBY, Your sins are never going to be greater than mine, no matter what you do. #EIMBY, The color of your skin doesn’t matter. #EIMBY, If you have a need that I can’t provide, I will help you find someone who can. #EIMBY, I am my brother’s keeper. #EIMBY.

It has been two years since CJ was violently taken from his family and friends. Two people were arrested in connection with his death, but as of this writing neither individual is behind bars and there has been no further movement in the case.

One final thought. Don't treat your neighbor like you treat yourself. Most of you don't treat yourself very well. How about you treat yourself like you would treat your neighbor?