Do You Like To Invite Yourself Into Another Familys' Problem?

The Dilemma of Immigrant Families in North America

Santa Maria del Monte, a town outside of Mexico City, is home to Raul and Maria Estefan. Parents of two small boys, Raul and Maria love their little guys. Carlos is eight and full of energy. When he grows up, he wants to be a soccer player. Emilio, who is 10, loves medicine. Science is his passion and he want to be the first Mexican to find a cure for cancer. Both boys are very close and are best of friends.

Raul works as a janitor at the boy’s grammar school while Maria teaches English there. Their struggle is like any parents struggle in their small town. Not enough money seems to be a way of life and constant worry about their kid’s future keeps parents awake at night.

You see, life is tough in their small town. Poverty handcuffs most families and the Estefan’s are no exceptions. Money is very tight as Raul only makes $13.63 an hour while Maria makes about $12 an hour. While they do barely get by, daily life is difficult and now Maria is pregnant with their third child. Things are about to get tougher. And if that is not bad enough, gangs can be a problem in Santa Maria del Monte.

Gang life can lure impressionable young minds from families like the Estefan’s. Raul has already lost a nephew to the gangs and the boys have lost their cousin. To keep them on the straight and narrow, Maria and Raul try hard to instill the virtues of working hard and faith in Jesus into their boys. Emilio and Carlos even attend mass every Sunday with their parents. Their Catholic faith is very important to the entire family. But will this be enough? David Ramirez does not think so.

Is Moving to America An Option?

David is Maria's uncle from Portland Oregon. David moved to the states in 1999 with Maria's aunt hoping for a better life. Initially David struggled as a dishwasher at a local Mexican restaurant near their home. Eventually, he worked his way up to be a server and then a bartender. Today David owns two small Mexican restaurants. He and his wife are doing very well in Portland and even though they are over 1000 miles way, they remain close to Raul and Maria. They all phone each other at least twice a week. While the boys talk to their great uncle and aunt all the time.

Hearing of Raul and Maria's concern over the future for their sons, David called Raul one day and presented him with a proposition. David said, "If you and the family can get to Tucson Arizona, I can meet you there and drive you back to Portland. Once there, you can stay with me and we can set you up at one of my restaurants. You see, I need a manager to handle the day to day activities at my businesses. I can pay you $52,000 a year. How does that sound? Do you want to start a brand-new life in America?"

Raul loves his country. He is a very patriotic Mexican. Maria and Raul both love their small town. Their parents live there. Their brothers and sisters live there. All their friends are there and even their grandparents are still there. It would be tough to leave. David's exceptionally kind offer triggered a flurry of phone calls, letters and emails amongst the aunts, uncles, grandparents as well as brothers and sisters. The midnight wringing of hands at the kitchen table while discussing the pros and cons of moving was a nightly tradition for the next 7 months. This was a very serious move and was discussed amongst the entire family every day. What to do? Everyone in the family was engaged.

Eventually, Raul and Maria along with the entire Estefan and Ramirez family agreed that $52,000 per year as a restaurant manager was something that they could not pass up. It would be life changing for Raul and Maria as well as the boys. Plus, if Maria could get a job teaching then perhaps together, they could both bring in over $100,000 American dollars every year. The boys could go to school in Portland. Eventually, they could end up going to college in America. "We have to do this this", thought Maria. "This is a no brainer" said Juan, Raul's next-door neighbor and friend. "This would be great for the boys", thought their grandmother. So, one day, at a family backyard barbecue, Raul and Maria stood up in front of the entire family and said "Gracias for all of your help and being there for us over the last 7 months. The constant flow of advice, thoughts and opinions was very helpful. We are going to do it. We are going to America". The family was so happy for them and excited for the boys but then like a thief in the night, a thought stole the happiness away when Raul said, "But how do we get to Tucson?" "That is where Uncle David said that he would pick us up”. "We will figure it out", said Juan. "We are a family. We will figure it out"

We Are Moving to The United States of America

After, the Estefan’s made the decision to move to Portland Oregon from Santa Maria del Monte, the family started looking into what it takes to make such a move. Sadly, as the process was just beginning to get started, Raul lost his job at the local grammar school. Money was tight as it was but to now be living only on Maria's salary made it even more difficult. Things were now becoming desperate. The pace of the research had to increase.

In the family’s research, they found that America has a proud – and complicated – history as a nation of immigrants. The US immigration system and the way it treats immigrants often fails to live up to Americas perceived values and ideals. Not only has America failed, in many cases, to afford basic due process rights, but in countless ways Americas outdated immigration laws and policies do not respect the family unit, discourage innovation, and turn away those in need of protection. During Raúl’s research, he found the American Immigration Council and according to them:

Many people wonder why all immigrants do not just come to the United States legally or simply apply for citizenship while living here without authorization. These suggestions miss the point: There is no line available for current unauthorized immigrants and the “regular channels” are largely not available to prospective immigrants who end up entering the country through unauthorized channels. Even though most unauthorized immigrants have lived in the United States for nearly 15 years, many could live out the rest of their lives without any opportunity to become legal residents of this country.

Most people who legally immigrate to the United States come through family-based visas. Qualified family members in the United States can seek permission to bring in certain eligible foreign-born family members. U.S. citizens can petition for their spouses, parents (if the petitioner is 21 or older), children, and siblings. Lawful Permanent Residents (LPRs, or “green card” holders) can petition for their spouses and unmarried children. There are always visas available for the spouses, parents, and minor children of U.S. citizens, but for all other family categories there are annual numerical limits. In all cases, the petitioning family member in the United States must demonstrate an income level above the poverty line and must commit to support the family member they are seeking to bring to the United States. The foreign-born persons wishing to immigrate must meet eligibility requirements as well. This means that a family-based visa is unavailable to any unauthorized immigrant who doesn't have a qualified relative or who fails to meet those eligibility requirements.

They could not take a chance and get involved in this complicated mess call the United States Immigration law. They now understood why so many just cross the border for a better life. A life that seems like a lot of Americans want to hoard just for themselves and leave everyone else on the planet to fend for themselves. So, the Estefan’s went back to the drawing board. For the next two months Raul, Maria, David, aunts and uncles, grandparents, brothers and sisters all were racking their brains trying to find a legal way that made sense for the Estefan’s to come to America. There financial situation was getting worse and Raul still could not find a job in his hometown. Finding a way that made sense did not seem to exist. So, they did what millions of others did and found another way...an illegal way. They crossed the Arizona border in the dead of night.

One Year Later in Portland And All Is Good.

Well, it has been a year now since "the move". Raul and Maria are still nervous about one day getting caught and being deported but with each passing day that fear minimizes. They are both doing well. Raul is managing both his uncle’s restaurants and Maria is teaching school. They have managed to start saving some money for Carlos and Emilio's college fund as well as for the family. Their third child, Eva is a spunky little one year old with a lot of attitude. She is the apple of Raul's eye. Next year, they hope to buy a house for their growing family with Uncle David’s help. As far as the boys go, Carlos is playing soccer at the local YMCA and Emilio is in the honors class at school. It is safe to say that the boys have adjusted very well.

The Estefan’s have found America to be an amazing country with such amazing people. The stereotype of the "ugly American" did not seem to be true. Everyone they meet is so nice and caring. Nobody they have met seems to be like what they were told. Nobody they have had conversations with seems to talk like the people they have seen on TV at Trump rallies...except for this one guy who Raul met at his kids PTA meeting who when asked his name by Raul introduced himself as John Q. Public.

You Are Not Invited to Enter the Conversation

John was not shy about expressing his thoughts on immigration, the wall and those lazy Mexicans. John was not a very smart guy as he never made the connection that Raul was himself Mexican - even after Raul introduced himself. It was also apparent that John had been drinking that day. His breath smelled of booze as well as his clothes. His #MAGA hat was stained and tattered. "Why are they allowed to take American jobs”? he asked. "Why are they allowed to attend American colleges"? "I never went to college and I turned out alright" - the jury is still out on that one thought Raul. "You know what I mean, Paul? - Paul? aahh, things are starting to clear up Raul thought.

Raul answered quickly. "Well, to be honest, no. I am not sure what you mean. But let me ask you a question. Are you close to your family?". "Of course, I am" replied John. "Are you a man of faith?". "Of course, I am" replied John. "Are you a patriotic American?". John scowled at this question as he thought it was obvious considering the conversation that he started with Raul."Yes, I am. I am very patriotic. I served two tours of duty in Afghanistan. I love my country". "That is good", replied Raul. "Now let's pretend you live in a small town and even though you and your wife both work, your family exists near the poverty line. Money is very scare. Let's also say that drugs are an issue in your small town, and you worry for your kids. So many of their friends have died from overdosing. You don't want this to happen to your kids. "Of course, not", John answered back.

"During this time of financial and family stress, your "Uncle Jack" who lives in Canada, makes you an offer. He tells you that if you can get up to Edmonton, then he can set you up at his car dealership. He needs a good sales manager. He asks you if you and your family want a chance at a brand-new life. He will pay you $105K a year to manage 20 salespeople. He will mentor you and help you grow into the position. Does this offer sound amazing to you?" - "Of course, it does", replied John. "Well what would you have to consider to make the move?" John answered, "A move like that would take a long time to consider. I would need to discuss it with my wife and my kids. I would also ask my parents what they thought as well as my sister and her kids. I would even talk about it with my pastor. I would need to check out the local schools. I would have to look into what it would take from a governmental beaurucratic red tape standpoint too."

This Is Where It Starts to Get Real

Raul could see the gears spinning in Johns head. He was really thinking about all that would be involved. Raul then asked "What if the Canadian red tape made it prohibitive to move? What if it presented hurdles that made it difficult or just plain problematic”? "John replied with a question. "How desperate am I in your scenario?" - Raul replied, "Let’s pretend while you were taking several months out to decide, that one of your children got taken to the emergency room for swallowing bad mushrooms on a dare. Knowing that your small town has a drug problem and it could have been much worse, it scared the crap out of you are your wife. So, yes, you are very desperate"

"Well, I know myself and my wife very well. We are very close to our families. We would probably email, phone and get together all the time to talk about moving to Canada and if I really had an uncle Jack who made me an offer for a better life because our current one was shit, and even though I love my country, I would make the move. I would have to - for my family and for their future." Would you break Canadian law to do it? " Well, with the scenario that you just painted, yes, I would."

Raul was not surprised by Johns answer. Raul knew one thing about people. When it starts to get real, divisive and tribal political beliefs will go out the window when people are pressed with saving the lives of the people that they love. Even a #MAGA hat wearing American will do the right thing.

Raul asked John one last thing. Raul asked "What if I was a Canadian and I told you that I disagreed with your decision? What if I told you that you were wrong or bad for making the decision that you did? What if I told you that you broke Canadian law and that was more important than saving your family? What if I said that you need to go back? What if I invited myself into the months of back and forth conversations that your family had and I did not care that I was not invited into the family talks. All that mattered is that I wanted you and the other lazy American members of your family to go back where you came from. What would you say to me?". John thought about it long and hard and then said, "I would tell you to go fuck yourself." Raul then smiled and took as long as John did to reply and said. " You finally understand. You finally get it. I happy that you have made the progress that you did. However, I have one more thing to say. My name is Raul Estefan from Santa Maria del Monte, Mexico. I am married to Maria Ramirez and I am the father of Carlos, Emilio and Eva Estefan and you sir, can go fuck yourself"