Do we let the baby cry it out or not?

The baby cries often and cannot fall asleep. Fatigue surrounds mom. Does the baby have a sleep problem or has he learned that mom takes him in his arms at the first second of crying? ....

No mom and - certainly no dad - is happy when she hears her baby crying. Let's face it, after the baby comes home, the nights are not as quiet as when he was still in his mother's womb. And - here we are in the middle of the first dilemma. Do we take him in our arms every time he cries or do we wait? Are there alternatives? Are there any relief methods? Let him cry or soothe him? A dilemma that raises many contradictory opinions on the About kids forum. Here are more opinions and tips from baby psychology specialists.

When the baby cries - what do we do?

No mom and - certainly no dad - is happy when she hears her baby crying. And the baby knows how to cry :) Let's face it, after the baby comes home ..., the nights are not as quiet as when he was still in his mother's womb.

Here we are already in the middle of the first dilemma: Do we take him in our arms every time he cries or do we wait? Are there alternatives? Let him cry or soothe him? A dilemma that raises many contradictory opinions on the About kids forum.

So what and how do we do it?

What all parenting experts say

Current standard: Make sure your baby has a clean diaper, has eaten enough, has no fever or looks sick. If these things are in order, then it is good to let the child cry a little. Little bit.

After three nights, the strategy should work and when the baby doesn't cry because of the diaper, hunger or fever ... he should cry less. But what if it doesn't stop? Uncertainty among parents increases. Or is it because you're too lenient?

Let the baby cry versus Don't let the baby cry

TNO (Dutch Organization for Applied Scientific Research) is in favor of the "Let the child cry" procedure. They advise child care professionals such as nurses, doctors, educators and nurses, to instruct parents who have children with sleep / crying problems, to let them cry progressively for a longer period of time. TNO assures us that crying does not cause stress to children.

But ... this idea is meanwhile somewhat outdated, says the Dutch Institute of Psychologists (NIP), which is not in its favor.

"A child left alone is stressed." Dutch researchers believe that stress can be harmful to the baby's development and can have a negative influence. Cortisol levels remain high (an indicator of stress), long after the baby has stopped crying.

And to complicate matters further, the Canadian CBC recently came up with a diametrically opposite message, based on a new Australian study. The conclusion was: "Crying is not harmful to babies."

What do you have to do now?

All these contradictory studies and opinions confuse parents who often face a chronic lack of sleep. How is it wiser: to let children cry or soothe them? Dutch orthopedists Rodenburg Roos and Eline Möller are looking for the saving answer. Both work at the University of Amsterdam and investigate children with sleep / crying problems.

Babies or toddlers?

According to Rodenburg and Möller, the latest recent studies in Australia have not been well interpreted by the media. First, it is important to distinguish between infants up to 6 months of age and young children from 6 months of age. Newborns still cannot learn to come to terms with the situation, say the two orthopedagogues. These children cannot learn to postpone their needs. "Let them cry," aims to teach children to develop this power. The children in the Australian study were all older than 6 months.

Furthermore, Rodenburg and Moller distinguished between "controlled crying" and "let cry" in their study. The children in the Australian study mentioned above were "left under control to cry". This means that parents are instructed to let their child cry for a few minutes each day. With this method, children receive the message that they are not left to fend for themselves, giving them a secure attachment.

Controlled crying: what is it?

Rodenburg is currently conducting a large-scale study to see if there is another solution to "controlled crying." This means that the baby learns to wait a little longer until his needs are met. The idea is that if the baby learns this during the day, he will be able to get used to the temporary absence of the parents more easily in the evening.

And a small child can learn this: let the child see something he likes to have and say, "Wait a minute." Wait a second before giving him that thing. Then reward him with a hug and praise him! ”The waiting time to get gets progressively longer.

You can do a similar exercise at night to put him to sleep. First, put the child to bed and sing him a song. Pause the song and wait a bit. Go on, then come back, praise him and continue the song. Then repeat the exercise, but wait a little longer. This can also be done at night when he is awake and crying.

The results of the investigation into this method have not yet been analyzed, but the experience of orthopedist Rodenburg and her fellow researchers is that many children fall asleep on their own while waiting.

Note: This method is especially suitable for children older than 6 months.

The happiest method for babies

For babies younger than 6 months, this method will not work because they cannot yet postpone their needs. According to Rodenburg and Moller, babies react much better to the "happiest baby" method. It was developed by American pediatrician Harvey Karp and accredited by the American Association of Pediatricians.

The two experts are investigating this method and are optimistic about its results. "These are actions that are intuitively applied by many parents. But what matters is that the parents apply them. And, I chose, in the right order." Don't apply this method on your own. "