Divorce After 40

I will start with how we met...

I was 28, and we are going back 20 years..

Yes! I lived with this for 20 years.

He owned a restaurant, I walked in and applied for a job as a server. He hired me based on how I looked and dressed and had no interest in my experience; which was fine because I didn’t have any anyhow, and that saved me from having to lie my way in.

I was already a mother of 3 children all under the age of 12 and I was fighting for custody of my children which is another story for another time and probably not a whole lot different.

So anyways, I got the job instantly and self-taught myself and actually found out I was great at it.. who would have known?

4 days later he asked me out to a movie.. I already knew he had probably dated everyone who worked there and in my head I was thinking,”great, here we go again.”

And I declined. Told him I was busy with plans, went home, cracked open a bottle of wine 🍷 and sat at my computer all night, alone, and that’s how I liked it.

Weeks went by and he promoted me to bartender. Then asked me out again. I didn’t want to but I said yes..

It wasn’t just a movie. But after a few dates I found him fun. We would get into bars VIP, go to casinos, everything was fun and he treated me great. Like a princess honestly.

I won custody of my three children and he got me all set up and took on the responsibility for my kids.

We ran restaurant after restaurant together, became business partners, later we got married andstarted our own family, when I was 5 months pregnant my mother moved in.

After the baby was born I started to see things change.

If you ever met someone with a Grandeur personality disorder you won’t necessarily know it right away especially if they take on that perfect partner role and blind you.

Based on reference a grandeur personality could be described as..

Common examples of delusions of grandeur include:

* Belief that one has a special relationship with a supernatural entity. ...

* Belief that one has a special relationship with a famous person or authority figure, such as the president.

* Belief that one has a unique destiny.

They can be very verbally abusive and this disorder often is combined with other mental disorders such as

*

* schizophrenia

* bipolar disorder

* dementia

* delirium

* major depressive disorder with psychotic features

In my Ex husbands case he was bypolar. He would sit in his car for hours writing theories to prove Einstein wrong, anything to do with quantum physics and finding speeds of light and trying to prove ridiculous things he had no education in at all. He literally flipped eggs for a living. He would argue with famous professors on Twitter and even stalked a professor at a university near by and insisted he read his theory. The police called us and warned him to stop. He was and still is convinced that he has proved all science wrong He had lost it. He was emotionally abusive to my mother and to me and even to my older children all of a sudden.

I wouldn’t listen to his nonsense anymore. I had enough. His whole mind was only occupied on this complete nonsense that made absolutely no sense.

So he started turning to my friends at work .. yes that’s right. Why not embarrass me more.

Then of course as employees they felt they had to listen to him so his mind makes him believe they feel a connection to him. Then he starts with violating them and chasing them around to listen to him until it only becomes harassment.

That’s not where it ends.. wish it did..

He suddenly wants an open marriage. Yep that’s right. He opens up a bottle of wine and invites one of his guy friends over. And he tries this for 6 months. I would avoid hanging around after work at one point. I knew what he was pushing for and he was violating me.

He wanted control. He would then start to get very obsessive. He would show up at a bar if I was having drinks and violate my friends.

He would send messages to my daughters friends who were in their early 20’s.

I was done! But I was scared. And he made me feel like it was all me. He was my security for two decades and I knew I had to make a decision. Either I was going to let him destruct me or I was going to leave.

I chose to leave. I filed for separation and I served him. He was destroyed. He refused to leave and by law through separation as many know , they want you to live together for the first year! You got to be freaking kidding!!!!! I thought..

This man could kill me while I’m sleeping..

Not to mention we are business partners still!!

Anything I did it was wrong.

Then it got worse...

I had to lock my bedroom door because he would just walk in in the middle of the night and go to sleep in my bed.

He would follow me around and non stop interrogated my family and my friends and my staff.

He took my whole circle and staff and work and had them fooled. I was left with no one I could trust.

They’re smart. They will do anything in their power to break you down and make you feel so alone.

I made it through the year almost.. two more weeks! Found my own circle of friends outside of business, a new support group and a therapist, best thing I ever did.

I know I will be okay. I’m ready to take on a whole new chapter in my life at 48 years old loving what I do and I hope to help women who are going through everything I did.

Love and light