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Diary of a Black Baby Daddy

A Peek into the Life and Obstacles of a Full-Time Father

By Joshua BarnerPublished 6 years ago 4 min read
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November 13, 2012 is the day my life changed. Whether I was ready or not, it was game time. In the hospital I sat and thought, "Man, I'm gonna chronicle all the big moments of my daughters life and share it with the world." That's where today's first lesson kicks in. "See, I'm a dad, right..." is my favorite rebuttal when discussing my laziness. I'm a 31-year-old single parent of a four-year-old daughter and sometimes I just put things to the side. See, it's easy as a parent to say, "Well, between getting a child ready for school, working 60 hours a week, making sure dinner is ready, clothes are ready, and the kid is bathed and settled for the night, I can't find the time." Yes, the time is difficult to accumulate, but if you're reading this, THE TIME IS NOW! I was supposed to chronicle my daughters growth, to share moments from birth and beyond, yet I procrastinated. My daughter is four now, so I left you guys hanging on the first words, the first steps, the first day of Pre-K, etc. My daughter is only four so there is A LOT of growing that still has to be done. So I am here now to say, don't let parenting procrastination get the easy victory. Yes, you can do it tomorrow, but hey, why not do it today?

See, not only am I a parent, I am also a long-time sufferer of Crohn's Disease. Trying to balance work, parenting, and health seems like an impossible task, right? I'm here to tell you that it is, but just because it's impossible it doesn't mean that you can't try. Let's go into what Crohn's is a little deeper, so you can understand what it is I go through seven days out the week. Now let's talk about the pain it causes... Are there any women out there with children? Remember how bad those contractions felt when it was time for delivery? I only compare it to that because I remember one time flaring up so bad and being in so much pain I had to get an epidural. Funny, right? Morphine did absolutely nothing for the pain and I needed something strong, stat. The pain was crippling, my stomach hurt so bad I couldn't stand up or see straight. How does this affect your everyday life you ask? Well, I'll tell you: as a parent, you have to be on high alert. If your child is too quiet, they've got to be up to something. If they're too loud, they've got to be up to something. If they're sleeping, they are probably dreaming about being up to something. You have to be quick on your feet and one step ahead. But when your body just isn't all on one accord, it makes things harder. Imagine something heavy falls on your foot and now it's hurt, sore, and your movement is restricted. That eventually heals, right? Well, during a period of a flare up, your body may be sore but there is no timetable of when you'll heal. I remember one Monday waking up with a sore body like I was just in a wrestling match with Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson and thinking to myself, "OK, I'm not going to work, and this might be a skip-school day for my child." But guess who came prancing into my room already dressed and ready for breakfast and school? So I had to decide whether get up or stay in bed. And I chose to get up. As much as I hurt all over, I got myself showered, dressed, and made breakfast. I got my child in the car and drove her to school. My bed never felt so good to get back into, and before you know it, I had to pick her up, then make dinner and get her ready for bed. It's an everyday struggle when your body doesn't know when it wants to cooperate with your daily tasks, but you push through it.

Every day is a new test for me, figuring out how to perfect this thing called parenting as closely as possible. My daughter finds a way to tell me that I am the best dad in the world even though sometimes I don't feel that way. If she gets sick and I am flaring up I have to bite the bullet and put my health to the side for a moment to get her to 100%. Parenting is a challenge, my health doubles that challenge, but every day we find a way together to overcome the many hurdles that appear on the track.

I am only four years into this so far and who knows what the future holds. But right now I'm just looking to bring continuous smiles into the present.

parents
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About the Creator

Joshua Barner

Born Jan 3rd 1986

Came Alive : Nov 13 2012

Living life as a full time single parent trying to discover how to be good at it

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