Dear Mommy,

Dear Mommy,

I can't imagine my life with any other woman as my mother. I will never forget all you have sacrificed and done to make sure that your five children would grow into great human beings. Now what happened to us as a result of an abusive father has created a thumb print on each of us in our own way and yet you love us unconditionally anyway. Each of us carries a burden or problem with us most of the time and you are never too tired to hear about it or care. Our whole lives you showed us how to be contributing members of society. While living a life of broken heartedness and loss you continued to raise us each individually as needed for our success. Now to say that we are all successful is far from the truth but I would bet my last dollar on the fact that we are all way more grounded, caring, giving and most importantly loving than anyone you could think of other than yourself. You taught us that as long as we were in the position to help we should and that there is never a reason for being unkind even if it felt good. Kindness is something few people know and because of your relentless need to be kind all of your children find themselves holding doors for strangers, giving money to homeless people when they themselves is money stricken, helping whoever they can however they can. Coming from a relationship of abuse of the worst kinds you were still able to teach all of us the importance of remaining kind. You broke the cycle of abuse in all of us by protecting us with your own body on occasion and even hiding us at neighbors houses while you faced the abuse alone. Teaching us that family is number one priority was the best thing you could have done for us. We continue to carry that on with us as we are all grown today with our own families. We all have our reactions from the abuse and you accept us each as our individual selves. Some of us suffer great mental illness and you still stand by us and with us as we battle our inner demons. Several mothers have given up on their children for less and yet there you are cheering us on to victory. I will never forget what you have sacrificed to save us from the abuse. How you worked two or three jobs at a time and went to school for a better degree and how you always showed up when it mattered. You never missed a beat of our lives and continue to still do so. You are 73 years young and you are the strongest woman I have ever encountered in my life. You stood by all of us with our drug addictions and struggles with drinking. You were there to help us through our saddest moments including burying a son in law, my son's father. You helped me raise my children when I was so overwhelmed with depression that I couldn't do it alone. Never will I forget what you sacrificed and continue to sacrifice for our safety and well being. I know you cry your self to sleep silently not saying a word. I know it hurts to hear us hurting but you listen anyway. You will never turn away from us no matter how hateful or hurtful we may become because of our mental illnesses. You never put a stigma on our mental illnesses and continue to help us all navigate through the mental health system and life. I will never forget what you sacrificed for us and I will never let it be in vain. On this day I promise to never quit striving to be a mother like you. I wish that I could measure up to you as a mother but fear I never will. You are an amazing woman. You walked through fire and came out on the other side unscathed because of your faith and I hope to one day carry that same faith in my heart and soul. You will not be forgotten ever and neither will your sacrifices. If anything I feel guilty for putting you through more drama. Like you need more drama? I know who my siblings are, we are all drama battling our demons and you stand by us every single day you breath. I fear the day I lose you because I will no longer have that cheerleader in my corner. The woman that taught me everything I know about being a better version of myself through tackling her own problems. You beat it all by yourself. Your parents were gone and your sibling didn't understand and you still did it anyway. For us, your children. You put up with things that no one should ever have to deal with as a mother and you did it with pride for us in your eyes because you love without condition. For that I thank you. Teaching unconditional love both helps and hinders me today, but mostly helps me. I am a more understanding and caring human being. I am not in a group of bullies and I am not standing alone. I have learned that I need a support team to get through life by watching you so tiredly survive your own story. Will anyone ever understand what it means? Probably not, unless we can get that book written. One from the perspective of each of us. But here's the thing Mom, to me you are on a pedestal as far as I'm concerned. I would lay my life on the line for you for what you have done for me and my siblings and my children. You never stopped giving even when you had nothing to give you continued to love without judgment and because of that I will be a success. I will rise above and I will not give up on life. Because you never have and never will so where do I get off feeling so sorry for myself? I'm so sorry for any problems I have caused you. I'm sorry for taking advantage of your kindness and for the tribulations I have put you through. Without you in my life I feel as though I would have died a long time ago. But here I sit in front of the computer chasing my dream as a writer, writing you a letter to let you know that you are my encouragement. You are my reason for being. I continue on because of you and your kindness and love. I watch my sibling living their lives because of you as well. Maybe we don't agree on all decisions made by one another but we love each other unconditionally and in our small town we are know as a little "crazy". I use the word loosely. But in our community we are also known as a family that sticks together when the going gets tough the Lairds get tougher. That is because of you. You are the strongest woman I have ever met in my entire life and will always model my choices and life after yours. I am thankful I had you as a mom and not someone unable to handle me. I know I am a handful. Mom you are the greatest gift I have and dread for the day I will no longer have you, but until that day comes I will call everyday. I will spend as much time with you as I can soaking up all that love you have to give. I think I am about a fourth as strong as you are and thank you for sharing that much. I only hope that one day someone will remember you because of me and my kindness, unconditional love and caring nature. Yes it's true people already say, "you must be Mickey's daughter!" I beam inside when I hear that because I have never had a better compliment. To be known as your daughter because of similar character traits is an accomplishment in itself. You may feel you didn't succeed in life and that you should have done things differently but let me reassure you my ability to share this with the world, what you have taught me, is a testimony to the strength you have shared with me. I will carry the torch and pass it on down the line. I really write this letter to thank you for everything. Even the bad times have helped to mold me into a stronger individual. As a kid you used to say some day you will understand why things happen, well that day is today and I know that I watched you in all your struggles to be able to overcome those of my own. I love you today and every day. I will never forget what you have done for us. I will never forget you did it alone. I will never forget your strength in doing so either. Your legacy will live on forever through the generations as long as I have anything to say about it. Thank you mom. It's true as you grow your mother is your confidant, your go to, your partner in crime. You are all of those things to me and so many more. I can't explain any clearer how much you mean to me. You are my everything Mom and I will always live my life to make you proud and to show the world what a strong woman you are. I promise. I love you.

Sincerely,

Your baby girl, Jessica